should i move out? (page 2)

JustTickledPink

If you don't have a plan and money saved, it will be extremely hard. I say stick it out until you can get some money or a plan together.

Even if you move in with a friend, who is going to pay for your food, your gas, your clothing, your laundry? Who buys your toothpaste, deoderant, etc. You have to make a plan, or get some sort of part time job to get you there.

The day I moved out was the best day of my life, but I was 19 and had a job and I moved in with a friend for 2 weeks until I got myself situated.

You need a plan. You have 6 months to get that plan in order. Sending you all sorts of good luck!!!

Mary

now i have lots of friends at school, ive only hung out with few not that long but ive known em forever, should i burden them with me asking to move in with them? or just wait 6 months?

My answer to this would be: NO, do NOT move in with your friends' family. It seldom, if ever works out. My sister left home at 17 because she didn't want the religion anymore and thought life would be so much better moving in with one of her friend's from school. It was a disaster.

My suggestion would be to stick it out at home for another 6 months, but do NOT tell your parents anything more about what your plans are, make all your plans in secret. The fact that your "overzealous mother" said you could move out today suggests to me that she might try anything to throw a wrench in your plans over the next few months. If there's one thing a zealous Witness hates, is when someone (even their own offspring) leaves the Organization and makes a sucess of their lives. It bars them from smugly using the scripture "the dog has returned to it's vomit and the sow to wallowing in it's mire" to show how bad off everyone who leaves the Organization is.

I agree with others here that you need to find a part time job and save every dime you can. I know 6 months is a long time when you're 17, but it'll be worth it in the long run.

All the best to you,

Mary

jgnat

Yeah, from this end of the spectrum, six months is a drop in the bucket. You can deal, because you are stronger than you think. Get a part time job if you can, so you have a bit of money in the bank to play with if things so south with your parents.

lisaBObeesa

The fact that your "overzealous mother" said you could move out today suggests to me that she might try anything to throw a wrench in your plans over the next few months.

My parents did this. Once I told them I was going to leave they did what they could to make it not happen. For one thing, they kept finding new things to charge me for so I could never save money . I was also continually grounded for every little thing, not allowed to use the phone, and told constantly that I couldn't make it on my own, and more... God, it sucked.

I agree that it is a good idea to keep the plans on the down-low.

Dan-O

i told my parents im going to move out in 6 months once i turn 18 whether i get to go to college or enlist into the navy. my over zealous mom says that i can move out tomorrow.

Did she tell you that "you can move out"? Or did she simply tell you "Get out!" One is a parent calling a child on what she might be seeing as a bluff or posturing. The other is an unreasonable demand that you (a minor child) leave her home. Big difference ..

In your shoes, I would bite my tongue for the next 6 months, unless there's a lot more to the story than I'm reading here. Finish high school, and wait for your 18th birthday. As was said above, adult responsibilities come quickly enough.

ThisGuy04

nope, don't move out just yet...hang in as long as you can, at least til you're out of school. BUT, i agree, if you don't already have one, get a part time JOB!! JOB = $$ = Parents with much less control.

I went thru something similar just a few yrs ago myself, ended up moving out just before my 18th day, but thankfully had a full time job and had been outta school for a couple months. the last six months living with my folks were hell on everybody, hence my leaving when i did...but what made those last few months bearable for me was having a job, so i had my own money and really didn't need my parents for anything other than what they were *legally* required to provide, ie. food/shelter. remember, pretty much no matter what you do, your parents can't boot you out until you're 18. don't get me wrong, you should respect your parents and follow their reasonable requests...but you don't have to be their bitch anymore either.

funny thing was, after i first moved out i didn't talk to my folks for a several mths even though we lived in the same city, maybe 10 miles apart...but after that initial "scare" they realized that what their beliefs are and whatever my beliefs are, it's not worth losing a family over, and now we're closer than we've ever been. of course, i was never baptized, so that helps b/c there's no shunning...

anyway, stick it out, but stick to your beliefs...who knows, your parents could come around one day

Odrade

Where's Lost? He might have something to say on the subject, being as he's just gone thru it...

Hate to see anyone staying in a bad situation, but I have to agree on the wait it out the last 6 months---until you graduate. The exception being people who have supportive families (non-jw) who can take them in and be stable. Someone mentioned ending up living in your car, (if you have one,) that can certainly happen, I've seen it more than once. Also, if you do move out-even temporarily and in with friends, who's to say that your parents won't close the door on you if you ever get in real difficulty, due to advice of the trusted elders. I have a story about that too, but it's not mine to tell.

Do a pro/con list for yourself about staying the last six months, and be honest. for instance: con: things are so tense I have a stomach ache and headache. pro, it's december and I'm sleeping in my warm bed. con: i have to go to all the meetings where I'm treated worse than dirt. pro: I have internet access so I can get a little support from online friends. etc.

Good luck, and be careful.

O

Doubtfully Yours

Play it safe and very low key at home, at least until all your plans are confirmed and you can leave to a safe place. That's better than moving out now and just hanging out from house to house.

You may have many friends now, but there's a saying that's very true which goes: Fish and visitors smell bad after 3 days.

You're young and have a whole life ahead of you. Play it safe for now and wait out your time.

DY

Sunspot

Hi Crizlee,

At your age the idea of living on your own is super! I remember how *I* couldn't wait to be out and not having to be accountable for anything as far as my parents were concerned. It REALLY "looks" good on the surface, and you can't imagine all the things that can happen once you take this step under 18 years of age.

I have to agree with the other posters that at all possible, grit your teeth and bear it---just set some foundations in motion during this time, and keep on reminding yourself how this time will fly by---really!

Having a home with all the perks that are provided at this time---can make a world of difference---believe me, "living" with friends is a whole different thing than "being" their friends. There are so many dynamics that come into play and many friendships are put under a great deal of strain at times. It's best to "stay put" right now and get some plans underway for when you *do* leave.

Wishing you all the best,

Annie

karategirl

Just another note on planning. I was told when I was 16 that I would be kicked out upon graduation (my stepfather already kicked out my two olders sisters, one a week after her grad). Seeing how my sisters had scrambled with no warning to get things going I prepared.

At school they offered school credit through the business department if you worked. So, it helped me graduate, save money, gain work experience, and be away from home more.

Upon graduation, I paid for a used car in cash, packed up my sh** and roled out. Already had a job going and found a friend that had a room for rent. Six months later after saving more money I moved into a studio apartment.

Planning makes all the difference. Not sure how your credits are working with school but I believe most schools have programs like I mentioned above.

should i move out?

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