Devote Parents advice me to Disassociate.

by chok 24 Replies latest jw experiences

• 

  chok

  Can someone explain to me what this is all about.

  To those of you who dont know me, I starting fading a year ago now, cant believe just how quick that has gone. Well I separated from my husband, met somebody else, who I have been living for a few months now. We are expecting our first child next year which is great. Life is pretty good..in fact its brilliant.

  My parents have been suprisingly good, and are still talking to me. Although to be honest I put this down to the fact that I have two other children that I know they dont want to lose contact with. When I was disfellowshipped when I was younger they didnt have anything to do with me at all, and the situation wasnt anything like it is now!

  Well anyway, they summoned me on the weekend, and I was thinking oh no, here we go. They have decided that their consciences really cant allow them to talk to me anymore. Boy was I wrong. The conversation went like this:

  " We have been doing a lot of thinking over the past few months about the situation, and we think it would be best if you wrote a letter disassociating yourself" my dad speaking

  To this I was stunned and asked why?

  my mum replied "Well you will be showing soon, and it would be better for the congregation in line of you not living in accordance with the scriptures that for their sake, they knew not to talk to you"

  Humph, now I understand! They are know that if I am disassociated, noone will aske after me, like any embarrassing questions about my pregnancy.

  Surely my devote parents should not be encouraging me to out myself??? I thought they were supposed to offer me help and persuade me to turn around and repent. Is this not scriptually wrong to tell someone to disassociate themselves?

  Anyway, life is still wonderful, tis the season of good will and I am loving every second of it.

  Xmas greetings to you all.

  Love

  Chok
• 

  candidlynuts

  did you ask if they were going to shun you if you were officially disassociated?

  i'd be hesitant to do it.. if they dont want to answer questions just tell them to say " we dont discuss our family with anyone" or " if you want to know about chok contact her and ask yourself"
• 

  Valis

  hiya chok! always nice to see you....I'm betting they are using the olde "keep the congregation clean" reasoning, as well as them trying to save their own face in the congregation. Don't do it would be my suggestion. NO CONTROL should mean NO CONTROL.

  Sincerely,

  District Overbeer
• 

  ko38

  it may mean they are going to df you.maybe its a good thing to beat them to the punch

  I DONT KNOW NUTTIN.............................if life is fine who cares?
• 

  simplesally

  Don't do it! Just because you are pregnant doesn't mean you are shameful, single or not!! No efforts should be made to make you feel that way,
• 

  Brummie

  They sound quite reasonable to me chok, maybe they have accepted that you wont be going back so, in their eyes, you may as well just disassociate. I think you are right, this way they wont have to tell JWs to "mind you're own business" when they start asking.

  Anyway, glad to hear all is going well for you, happy new baby days ahead :) And Merry Christmas

  Brummie
• 

  Valis

  um yeah! what simplesally said!

  Sincerely,

  District Overbeer
• 

  chok

  Ok, this is the thing. They reckon they will still talk to me if I write the letter. BUT, my older brother (who is gay) has been shunned for about 15 years now, even though he never got officially disfellowshipped. Because of this, whenever they have wanted something of him, a favour or some info or help, they have used the excuse that he isnt disfellowshipped so they can talk to him. I mentioned this to them, and said if I write a letter, it could backfire on me, and you may suddenly decide you are not going to talk to me after all.

  They are my parents, but I really do not trust their motives with this one. My dad says that he has to be seen to to be doing the right thing as a ministerial servant. Well surely the "right thing" is not to talk to me!?!?!?!?

  They said they dont want me to have to go through a judicial committee again. I have told them that the elders could physically beat me with a stick, I aint ever telling them my business, so let them try!

  Also told parents that the congregation needs protecting from the hypocrits that are doing wrong and sitting at the hall, not peeps like me, who have decided to move away from it all, and get on with their lives.

  Chok

  p.s. Nice to hear from you Valis!!!!!
• 

  Balsam

  Your parents are still assuming you value the JW way of life and want to live in harmony with it. But your life is not reflecting it. It is their assumption, and probably does not reflect your thoughts.

  Let your parents know you love them, but you feel no need to do anything to contact the congregation one way or another. They may imagine they are protecting you and themselves from questions. Perhaps the Elders are already asking questions and they feel obligated to tell what is going on.

  I tell my boys to do nothing, but what you do is of course up to you. Only you know your parents. Ask them if they will shun you if you disassociate?

  Balsam
• 

  BONEZZ

  Hi chok,

  Don't talk to them (elders) about anything and especially do not disassociate. It's all about them wanting you to play by their rules. If you don't disassociate, you are not giving them any authority over you. Whatever authority they think they have comes from their silly little feeble minds. And good luck on a new life. I would hope your parents would not shun you because they would be cutting themselves off from a grandchild...of course you never know.

  -BONEZZ