by ThisGuy04 35 Replies latest jw friends
I heard a similar story to the KISS episode. Apparently at an Earth,Wind and Fire concert, the band abruptly stopped performing and asked all JW's to leave the venue because they were blocking the demonic spirit from possessing the crowd.
Of course all of the DUBs in attendance ran out of the stadium and vowed never to listen to EW&F's music again. The elders made sure to repeat this story every chance they got to the congo's teenagers.
No one is telling the Avon Lady Story.
Ok, ok, I'll tell it, although it's bin several years since I first heard it.........Seems that there was a mass murderer (in New York City I believe) who killed the Avon Lady when she came to his door (after he invited her in). He killed a couple other women too. Anyhoo one day, a faithful Dub sister had to work out in Service by herself and she knocked on his door, gave her presentation, he declined the magazines and so she left. When they finally caught this guy and arrested him, they questioned him as to why he didn't murder this Witness woman. His response was "because there were two men with her." The sister insisted that she was working alone, so that MUST mean that the Archangels Michael and Gabriel were "protecting her" from this guy.
Here's a couple more I've heard, fairly recently:
'Someone' from the United Nations was talking to a Witness and secretly confirmed that they are indeed planning to "turn against religion" in the "near future" and wanted to know how the Witnesses knew this in advance.
'A brother' in some distant land was out in Service one day when he was confronted by the local guerillas. They asked him what he was doing in that area and he, naturally, used this as an "opportune time" to witness to them about God's Kingdom. They ordered him to stop preaching and when he refused, the one guy raised his gun, pointed it at him and shot, but the bullets "bounced off an invisible wall" in front of the brother and fell to the ground. The soldier of course was astonished and said "who ARE you people?!" Naturally, they backed on double time.
And finally, a Catholic guy down in the Carribbean islands (where voodoo is quite common), started reading the Botchtower and Asleep magazines and decided he wanted to join. His wife freaked out and went to talk to Lord Voltemore the local Voodoo Priest about putting a curse on her husband. The Voodoo Priest told her that "curses don't work on Jehovah's Witnesses" and that she "should listen to her husband." She of course, started studying and is now a pioneer.
These should all start with "...Once upon a time, in a far away Kingdom...."
Apparently at an Earth,Wind and Fire concert, the band abruptly stopped performing and asked all JW's to leave the venue because they were blocking the demonic spirit from possessing the crowd.
No, no, no...........that was at a John Denver concert..............
ha! those are gold!!
Apparently at an Earth,Wind and Fire concert, the band abruptly stopped performing and asked all JW's to leave the venue because they were blocking the demonic spirit from possessing the crowd.No, no, no...........that was at a John Denver concert.............
i'd heard john denver asked all the dubs at one of his concert to leave...nothing about the demonic spirit though
No, no John Denver just plain *hates* the JWs! :D
What about the one similar to the Avon story where the JW is walking down an alley and there is a rapist waiting in the shadows. She sees the man and begins to pray - later when the man is arrested, he says he didn't attack her because of the "big guys walking with her".
Oh and when the good JW parents burn the rebellious teen's rock records and the WON'T BURN!!
Or when the poor starving pioneer couple come home to find food on their doorstep. Jehovah put it there. Not a word of gratitude to the actual human donor though...
Or when the poor starving pioneer couple are walking in a field and they keep finding eggs.
Have heard the last two off the platform - and the Avon one, but hadn't heard the Smurf one til I came here, so maybe an American thing, or just before my time.
Here's a real one:
We, my mom, gr-grandmother, and another friend of theirs, and myself, had been in service. My mom got stopped for either pushing a yellow light, or improper lane change, or some such. Anyway, when the cop asked my mom if she knew what she did, she said something like "no, but we're out in ministry work. Here I'd like to give you something to read and think about" and handed him a WT and Awake along with her driver's license, etc. He went back to his car, puttered around a little, and came back with an official "warning", and let her go.
Me? I've never, ever, EVER, gotten off on getting a ticket.
Apparently at an Earth,Wind and Fire concert, the band abruptly stopped performing and asked all JW's to leave the venue because they were blocking the demonic spirit from possessing the crowd.No, no, no...........that was at a John Denver concert.............
I wasn't allowed to go to a Neil Diamond concert because a month before Jim Morrison had exposed himself to the audience, and they were sure ND would do the same thing! Actually, I heard the rumour that he became a JW.
Peace
B
No, No, No,
At the John Denver concert he asked all DUBs to stand up. Once they did he began to sing the national anthem.
I guess he got his punishment in that plane crash.
Or when the poor starving pioneer couple are walking in a field and they keep finding eggs.
They weren't snake eggs, were they??
You guys have it all wrong. It didn't happen at a concert at all. Here is how it REALLY happened:
One day, a Witness couple decided to see a hypnotist. It was on a meeting night, but this brazen couple threw caution to the wind and went anyway. But, when the act started, none of the tricks were working. As everyone knows, hypnotists work by conjuring up demons. After several futile attempts to hypnotize someone, the hypnotist turned to the audience and asked if there were any JWs present. The couple was too embarassed to speak up. So the hypnotist asked again, saying that he knew some JWs must be in the audience. Finally, they came forward and left. The show then proceeded normally.
And, I know this for a fact, because some people in my congregation were personally aquainted with someone in whose neighboring congregation it happened.
And, I know this for a fact, because some people in my congregation were personally aquainted with someone in whose neighboring congregation it happened.
ROTFL
yip, same with that bus driver story...it happened to this guy in the cong's uncle's friend in a cong two towns over
...amazing "adults" pass on this stuff
I heard this one at an assembly. A brother known for his careful driving started getting ticket after ticket for speeding. He was taking a group out in service one day and they got onto the freeway to go to their territory. The next thing the police pulled over the brother for speeding. He was going 80 in a 55 zone.
"I just don't know how this keeps happening." the brother says. "I have never gotten a ticket prior to a month ago."
The elder next to him thought about it and asked, "When did you buy those shoes?"
The brother replied, "I got them about a month ago at a second hand store."
The shoes were demonized. The brother threw away the shoes immediately and he returned to his usual safe driving again. He never got another speeding ticket.
Tammy
