Is there new light on disfellowshipping?

by Chasity 45 Replies latest jw friends

  • kwintestal

    Perhaps your elder BIL feels it would be a great chance to encourage you and therefore feels it justified, or at least he can BS an excuse to his elder buddies. Many elders feel they are above the law.


  • gumby

    Elsewhere nailed it first..........they are the tightest bastards on the planet!

    I am a known apostate in my town although not a troublemaker type. If any of the dubs need floorcovering service, they don't think twice about calling Gumby. I continue to do jobs for dubs who feel they can get the job done correctly and maybe save a buck by using me. Are they supposed to do this? No. They are suppose to NOT seek out a DFed one to do buisness with.They are to finish any unsettled buisness with one who BECOMES DFed while the transaction was in place, then terminate any future buisness not under contract.

    Do I care? No. It gives me a chance to prove to them ol' Gumby is still the same guy who treats them nice. It gives them a chance to see the society is full of shit on matters about apostates and how they are portrayed. These ones will now always speak to me when they see me because they know I'm not a threat and haven't changed. They are STILL my friends.


  • LittleToe

    I'm pleased to hear that, though there's going to be a lot of local variation.
    My dad was taken off as an Elder and would have been DF'ed, bar for a lot of demeaning grovelling, for striking up a short-term business deal with his brother-in-law (who incidentally got DF'ed when the smoking ban came in, in the 70's).

    Elders generally get away with it for longer (barring the desire of some to stab them in the back) because they are classed as "spiritually mature" and can fob it off as trying to encourage them back (a role which the WTS now only permits annually).

  • CC Ryder
    CC Ryder

    I'm not sure about any changes but I have an opinion based on observation over the past few years with my own situation. My father does not shun me. He doesn't make a public display of "hanging" out with me. We do visit though, and he continues to show kindness to Tink and I.

    My wife Tink's family is another story. I think some dub's are motivated by jealousy with-in their families. Some have Holier-than thou attitudes as well. Sibling rivalries have come into play. It appears that personality calshes cause the majority of shunning.

    I had a best friend who was an Elder when I lived back North. We had a mutual friend who got DF'ed. The Elder would have association with the guy on the down-low all the time. Now, that same Elder is here in the South, and works at the same company I do. We run into each other alot, but he won't even acknowledge my existance. The feeling is mutual though.

    So IMO it's a head-game, personality, power trip more than following the rules.


  • bikerchic

    Chasity welcome to JWD! Yes there are many X-JW's the WTS doesn't want you to know we are a pretty united group too.

    It would be interesting to know if they feel they could reciprocate.

    Little Toe hit the nail on the head. I would first ask them if you could stay with them in their home (make something up about needing to be in their city) and see what their reply is then go from there.

    While I hate to see wedges put between families like the WTS encourages I also hate the hypocrisy of the JW's.

    The Kingdom Ministry ezekial3 quoted from pretty much outlines their rules I'm inclined to have them honor their rules, after all they are in servitude to a higher source.

  • Redneckgurl


    I agree there is no change, and according to they way they are supposed to believe, they should not be staying at your house. My dad is an elder and still comes over to my home to get his hair cut, and even came over to help us build a shed. I paid him for that so he would come over, but that was my way of getting him here! I am sure they are reasoning that they could save money, and of course won't speak to you about religion, however, I am also sure that they WON'T be spreading it around that they will be staying there either! My parents never tell people that I still cut their hair for them.

    Let them stay, show them you are still a good person (which I am assuming you are! lol) and be nice to them. After all, this is one step they are taking "against" the org. whether they are thinking that way or not!


  • willyloman

    Just in these few posts you can readily see the inconsistency that runs rampant through the JW world. There are hard and fast rules, as you can plainly see from the '02 Watchtower article posted above ("It might be possible to have almost no contact...").

    On the other hand, it's "different strokes for different folks" when it comes to enforcing these rules. The dubs are all over the map when it comes to following orders from headquarters ("It's more a guideline than a rule," some decide). It's clear that in dubland, cognitive dissonance holds sway. Many JWs know in their hearts these rules are insane, but they "go along to get along" because they are getting something out of belonging to the organization and they aren't ready to face the peer pressure that comes with non-conformance.

  • Jim_TX

    With family, it's difficult to say 'No.'

    I think that if you decide to let them stay - there need to be some 'ground rules' that they are willing to abide by.

    Things like -

    1) No WTBTS literature shall be seen lying about.

    2) Thou shalt not 'witness' - or give 'personal experiences' of door-knocking

    3) No "I wish you'd come back"... intended to put you on a 'guilt trip' - and make them feel better

    ...things like this.

    After all... if you don't smoke - you would expect a smoker to respect your 'no smoking' policy' in your home or car, etc.

    Just use common sense - you'll be fine.

    I hope your family _is_ trying to find a 'way out' or trying to re-connect with family - but it's more likely that they are just trying to find in-expensive lodging.


    Jim TX

  • OICU8it2

    It would be a sin. Ray Franz was kicked out for this. You will subject your family to living with an unclean conscience, hindering of their prayers, lack of success in field service, and finally, a sharing of sins to others who may know of this insidious action resulting in the removal of Jehovah's Spirit from the congregation. You are to be considered as worse than a person of the nations or as Muslims say, an infidel. It is proper for you to be cursed and requested to be destroyed at the Great Tribulation. After all, "it is impossible as regards those who have been once and for all enlightened to the truth and having fallen back to revive them to repentance again. For they [you] revile the Son of Man afresh and there is no longer any sacrifice for sins left [for you] but a certain fearful expectation coming upon you;" You should prevent their anhialation be removing any temptation for them to save money. I would simply pay for their lodging someplace near their resort. That way at least some in your family may live on and not have their eyes picked out by birds as righteous people (witnesses, baptized or going to be and current in field service and having no secrets before the elders) look on. You are in held in derision by God and as such unworthy of your next breath according to the WTBS.

  • Poztate
    When I was in back in 1998 you were not allowed to associate with DF'd ones.

    The policy certainly has not changed since 98 but I think the attitudes of some dubs may have softened in the last few years.I have found a few that didn't mind bending or breaking a few rules and thinking nothing about it.This might be a sign that the WT is loosing it's death grip on peoples minds...Or as Elsewere said they just might be really cheap and try to save a buck. Test them out. Tell them you would really like to stay with them the next time you are in town and see if you still get a warm welcome.

Share this