"You'll still be handled as a disfellowshipped person."

by Fleur 23 Replies latest jw friends

  • BrendaCloutier

    {{{{{ Fleur }}}}}

    I understand as I've been near "there". You're not only mourning the loss of your closest most loving relative, and grandmother, but you're being forced to mourn the loss of your JW family, too.

    Shame On Them!

    My only suggestion, for your own grief process, is to attend the memorial service IN SPITE of THEM, and for yourself and your grandmother. It will probably hurt like hell, but you may regret it if you didn't attend.

    If you're the praying kind, simply pray "God, bless my JW family" every night between now and then.

    Hugs and love


  • Purza


    I am very sorry for your loss.

    It was my understanding that JWs could speak to you if you attend a funeral of a family member. That happened in my cong. (about 6 years ago). This woman died and her disfellowshipped son was there and we had grown up with him. My dad (who was the P.O.) said we could talk to him that day. Everyone in the hall hugged him and even welcomed him at the reception afterward (it was like he was never even DF'd). I thought that was standard practice for all JWs.

    In any event, and in my humble opinion, I think you should go to say goodbye to your grandmother. Go for yourself (not for anyone else).



  • Fleur

    So many encouraging me to go...I have a little time to think it over and I'm not going to force myself to decide until the last minute, but I hear you all and I will ponder your words.

    Thing is, I went through this before with circumstances where they were supposed to treat me like a human being, (another funeral, more distant relative) and also a family medical crisis. These are by-the-bookers and I'm sure they will ignore me again as they have in the past.

    I just don't know if I can do it again, having done it before. I would have my husband and a couple worldly relatives there who would talk to me and don't agree with the shunning. But I'm grieving so badly, I just don't know if I can take the insult on top of injury. I guess I'll have to think it through when I'm away from home for a few days and then see how it feels when the day comes.

    thanks again everyone.



  • Corvin

    It was pretty much the same situation when my mother died.

    She had just been reinstated the night she died, and can you believe, because of that there was a debate as to whether or not her services should or could be held in the Kingdom Hall.

    Two of my bros have been df's since they were 12 and 13. They were allowed to attend the service, but they were treated like bug spit by all. I had worldly co-workers that attended and they commented about what kind of shit-asses the JW's were. If I had not have been in such a state of grief, I would have been ashamed.


  • Undecided

    What is the policy of attending a relative's funeral in a church now?

    When my Grandma who wasn't a JW died we attended the church ceremony while I was still a JW.

    Recently whan the grandmother of my daughter's husband died I attended her funeral in a church and her brother who was a JW attended with his grown children.

    Ken P.

  • willyloman
    If I'm a JW, then I am good enough to be a member of my own family. If I am no longer a JW, I am not.

    Yeah, that's about the size of it on their strange planet. It's remarkably sad. You, however, seem to have a great attitude. Wouldn't it be poetic if you and your grandmother met up in some fashion down the long road ahead and had a nice hug and a good laugh about these people and their petty lives? God is much bigger than that.

  • CountryGuy


    So sorry to hear about your grandmother.
    And, about the way your relatives are acting.


  • gumby

    They believe most sins are forgivable and make allowences for that, ....but once your head goes under some water, and you make a dedication to serve Jehovah, you can never say you made a mistake and want forgiven. If you said you made the mistake by getting baptised as you now have many doubts, you cannot be 'forgiven' in this sense. Baptism is like a damn tattoo.....you can't get rid of the damn thing. ( hope valis don't see this)


  • loveis
    What is the policy of attending a relative's funeral in a church now?

    *** w02 5/15 p. 28 Questions From Readers ***


    From Readers


    it be advisable for a true Christian to attend a funeral or a wedding in a church?

    Our taking part in any form of false religion is displeasing to Jehovah and must be avoided. (2 Corinthians 6:14-17; Revelation 18:4) A church funeral is a religious service that likely involves a sermon advocating such unscriptural ideas as the immortality of the soul and a heavenly reward for all good people. It may also include such practices as making the sign of the cross and joining in prayer with the priest or minister. Prayers and other religious exercises contrary to Bible teaching may also be a part of a religious wedding ceremony held in a church or elsewhere. Being in a group where everyone else is engaging in a false religious act, a Christian may find it difficult to resist the pressure to join in. How unwise to expose oneself to such pressure!

    What if a Christian feels obligated to attend a funeral or a wedding held in a church? An unbelieving husband, for example, may urge his Christian wife to be with him on such an occasion. Could she join him as a quiet observer? Out of regard for her husband?s wishes, the wife may decide to go with him, being determined not to share in any religious ceremonies. On the other hand, she may decide not to go, reasoning that the emotional pressure of the circumstances could prove to be too much for her, perhaps causing her to compromise godly principles. The decision would be hers to make. She definitely would want to be settled in her heart, having a clean conscience.?1 Timothy 1:19.

    In any case, it would be to her advantage to explain to her husband that she could not conscientiously share in any religious ceremonies or join in the singing of hymns or bow her head when prayer is offered. On the basis of her explanation, he may conclude that his wife?s presence could give rise to a situation that might be unpleasant to him. He may choose to go alone out of love for his wife, respect for her beliefs, or a desire to avoid any embarrassment. But if he insists that she go with him, she might go as a mere observer.

    Not to be overlooked is the effect our attending a service in a religious building might have on fellow believers. Could it injure the conscience of some? Might their resistance to avoid engaging in idolatry be weakened? "Make sure of the more important things," admonishes the apostle Paul, "so that you may be flawless and not be stumbling others up to the day of Christ."?Philippians 1:10.

    If the occasion involves a close fleshly relative, there may be additional family pressures. In any case, a Christian must carefully weigh all the factors involved. Under certain circumstances he or she may conclude that no difficulties would arise from attending a church funeral or wedding as an observer. However, the circumstances may be such that by attending, the likely injury to one?s own conscience or to that of others would outweigh the possible benefits of being present. Whatever the situation, the Christian should make sure that the decision will not interfere with his preserving a good conscience before God and men.

  • willyloman
    If the occasion involves a close fleshly relative, there may be additional family pressures.

    Edited to read:

    If the occasion involves a close fleshly relative, there may be additional family pressures, all of which are directly attributable to the despicable pressure we've already dumped on you.

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