friend

by teejay 42 Replies latest jw friends

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  BrendaCloutier

  I just got off the phone with a long-time friend whom I have not spoken with in 9 years! We just lost track of each other. I'm grateful she's more stable than I have been, since she still works at the same place in Reno, so I could track her down. She's tried to track me down many times, but I've moved out of the last state she knew me to be in, and I no longer have a phone in my name.

  She's still my friend, and I'm still hers. There's love, and respect, and gratitude on both sides, even with the too-long absence.

  A friend is simply amazing.

  Hugs and peace

  Brenda
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  Markfromcali

  A particular point we might want to consider is whether the relationship is basically based on satisfying "needs" or whether it is supportive of the person in what they want to do with their life. Basically what I'm getting at is does it have to do with filling a void, a perceived lack or is it more positive and empowering the person as a free individual? So one has the sense of a codependent kind of dynamic and the other is a kind of mutual support of individual autonomy. But I want to point out that even in a situation where there may be some degree of this perceived lack, it can be moving in the direction of freedom. Of course if someone indulges in it for attention or whatever that's a different story, but basically the intention becomes important.

  Even if you are there for each other, there is the sense of wanting you to be able to stand on your own two feet.
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  ohiocowboy

  There are lots of acquaintances, but there are few Real friends. Friends love each other unconditionally, and you can make a fool of yourself in front of them, and they still care and repect you afterwards. A real friend you can talk about anything, whether it be good or bad, and not have to fear being judged. Real friends may have differences of opinions, but do not consider it an argument, but a challenge of thoughts, where both can learn from each other. True friends are there for each other No matter what.
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  Frannie Banannie

  Since I've been taking care of Kristi, the young lady with MS that's fighting for her life in the ICU right now, I've learned what a friend ISN'T....it isn't someone who'll desert you when you have a debilitating disease or financial condition or psychological problem.

  A friend is someone who'll stick by you when you're undergoing any of the above, no matter how long you are overwhelmed.....and they will keep on being supportive and encouraging and kind.....they'll "be there" for you, no matter what. There is no "price tag" on friendship, any way you wanna look at it.

  Frannie
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  StinkyPantz

  ..and the revolutionary definition is?
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  teejay

  You kill me, SP. Btw, thanks for reminding me of your old thread. I'd forgotten about it. I like your list of things that differentiates friends from everybody else.
  
  To your list I'd add my revolutionary (*cough, cough*) definition: a friend is simply someone who knows you well but likes/loves you anyway; someone who sees the person you really are ? the good and the bad ? understands what it is they see, and they still like you and gives you support... whatever kind of support you need.
  
  Like you said before, trust is critical. Without it, the relationship can't really be called "friendship." It's what Mulan's friend referred to when she spoke of not minding if this person went through your things after you're dead and gone, when we are more vulnerable than any other time in our existence. To trust someone to protect our reputation and legacy when we are powerless to do anything for ourselves is the ultimate symbol of friendship.
  
  Similar times of vulnerability occur while we are alive. A friend will be there for me, to look out for me when I'm not able to fend for myself. They know me, they understand me, and despite my faults, they still love me.
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  bem

  Sorry but I don't have the 'definition' I do however concur with with the thoughts posted already, I have friend from child hood if we don't see or hear from each other in months we get together by mail or phone we live very far apart. and seldom see each other. the time between seems to not exist we pick up and carry on in love and caring, I think of her as true friend.
  

  Mulan, I used to baby-sit in my home. When I went to work in the office at a technology center the secretary was stressing over who would care for her baby when he came. she would ask me how to choose the right baby-sitter. I always told her to find someone you wouldn't mind giving your PIN# and bank card to, after all our babies are more important than our money. I seen her a few months ago she said I found that baby-sitter for Ryan! she even does my banking! thats a great baby-sitter! Ryan is in school now but the baby-sitter still cares for him , and he loves her like a mom. Your story reminded me of that one.
  

  She told me it would be me. I am a co-signer on her big bank account (not her husband) because she trusts me completely to carry out her wishes, with her money,

  Also a thought about whats not a friend,,,, Making sure the hand patting you on the back ain't got a knife in it!

  Dorothy, my two cents should be worth about one cent eh?

  Edited to add: We'll always be friends 'she/he' knows to much about me?? hehe being a wise cracker, solly actually I care deeply for my friends.
• 

  pettygrudger

  a friend is simply someone who knows you well but likes/loves you anyway; someone who sees the person you really are ? the good and the bad ? understands what it is they see, and they still like you and gives you support... whatever kind of support you need.

  True - and a *real* friend won't just give you *nice* support always - some times they'll be willing to kick you in the butt to help you get out of your own head.

  I don't think *friend* can only be determined by how much a person is willing to give you in terms of support & "atta boys" - a friend is also determined more importantly by how much you are willing to give, and how far you're willing to go, for them.

  I'm just now, FINALLY, beginning to understand the different *levels* of friendship. I used to go into every relationship/friendship thinking of the person as almost a long lost relative, a member of my family. As someone I would swim through a lake of fire to bring a glass of water. My hubby finally made me realize that this just isn't possible, that my *feelings* aren't necessarily reciprocated, that the level of love & respect that I bring to any given relationship is not always how someone is feeling about me, even if they like me. That was actually hard to take. But I've learned to not try to recreate a family I no longer have, with every potential *friend* I come across.
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  StinkyPantz

  that my *feelings* aren't necessarily reciprocated, that the level of love & respect that I bring to any given relationship is not always how someone is feeling about me, even if they like me. That was actually hard to take. But I've learned to not try to recreate a family I no longer have, with every potential *friend* I come across.

  This is something I've realized very recently too ..
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  pettygrudger

  (((SP))) Come to Michigan - long lost auntie Rhonda's right here!