by buffalosrfree 34 Replies latest jw friends
i dont know how i could ever be thin.. my grandmother , aunts, mother, sisters, myself are all little short round women.
scenario...at a high school reunion..
group of people talking ... " i hear so and so has breast cancer" the group.. " oh..thats sad!"
nother person saying " i heard "missy thisandthat" has really gained a lot of weight" the group " OH NO THATS TERRIBLE!"
its better in some eyes to be dying of cancer than to ever be fat.
f*uck society.
I would like to thank all of you for your comments, yes its not fun to go through this, but most people have genetic problems, or perhaps ambulatory problems like I do, I cant walk hardly, so it is very hard to lose weights aerobically, i do resistance training for upper body but it really doesn't help to lose weight, my last diet, religiously followed helped me to gain 17 lbs. Not much help I would say, my metobolic burn rate is almost nonexistant. so there fore the surgery. thanks again. buff
I know this topic of obesity, is a very painful subject. I have had people share with me a lot of negative feelings; they have had when people just simply slam someone who has a weight problem. It is clear they cannot imagine the pain (on so many levels) someone feels, the pre conceived idea of the lazy stereotype lives! I feel it takes a brave person to share their journey to becoming healthy with us, considering how some people view this subject.
Every day, in so many ways fat people hear this message, "you don't fit in here. Get out of our sight." They can't go to restaurants and movie theaters or, fly in an airplane because the seats may be too small for them. A woman brought her own chair in a movie theatre and tried to sit in the wheelchair section. She was asked to leave even though she had called the manager from home and had gotten approval ahead of time.
Fat people report that others stare at them all the time. Onlookers make derogatory remarks about their weight and their character, and harass them. Going to a grocery store can be an ordeal. Other shoppers make comments about what you eat, pull ice cream boxes out of their grocery cart, saying some words like, 'that's the last thing you need out of this store." These people do not know if they are buying this for themselves or for an event. People even do this at restaurants too! People stare and comment, even question whether you should eat that and they are total strangers!
Waiters/Waitresses push deserts too. Like because you are overweight you regularly over indulge. At times, they keep pushing it so much, I stop the after dinner conversation, I am having and say ?LOOK I DON?T WANT ANY! So please quit asking me, this is the third time.? Then they look offended that you became short with them and then they are trying to rush you out the door. Like you should scarf the food, literally choking yourself to hammer it down and tossing them the money as you trot out the door. It gives the impression that only thin people have the right to linger, talking in an after dinner digestion/relaxation, etc.
Then when you go to a doctor for any type of physical problem, first thing you hear is, "you must lose weight." If you have a chronic medical problem, whether it's related to excess fat or not, your problem is not taken seriously until you can shed a significant mass of fat, to the doctor?s satisfaction. Then he or she will treat. Many doctors do not want to look beyond over-eating as a reason for the problem. Regardless of weight, one should have the right to be treated with respect, be treated for an ailment before it gets to the point of being a life and death issue or an issue where serious measures must be taken.
It took ten years of being in and out of doctors? offices, before they realized it was insulin resistance and part of PCOS, for me to finally know what the problem was, was a major break through in the battle I was waging against, myself. It was finally nice to know why my body was doing what it was and now I have options to fight back, counter the conditions that come with PCOS. Before it was out of control and more depressing, no way to deal with it; worse was that the doctors did not wish to really help you regardless to what they said. Now that attitude is changing! Thank the powers that be!
Countless of doctors would be deliberately cruel, strenuously contending you were not following their diets. Diets which you were gaining on instead of loosing and you are following it to the letter. The behavior you got from your doctor was horrible. It was like they were not satisfied unless you left in tears, feeling devastated and even suicidal. Because you were made to feel worthless, which was wrong.
Fat kids are constantly given the message that they're not as good as thin kids. They are not given the same opportunities and attention from adults as do non-fat kids. Unless fat kids become class clowns and learn to laugh at themselves, they face tremendous isolation at school and in the neighborhood. Fat kids learn that it's their fault that they are fat. When they come home and complain about the taunts and rude remarks directed at them, they don't get emotional support there, either. They are told something like, "if you'd only stick to your diet and lose weight, you wouldn't have this problem, would you?"
The woes of a sixteen-year-old girl, I know who is quite beautiful, overweight, but not extraordinarily fat by any means. From age six, from the time her stepfather married her mother, he constantly commented on her weight. This girl had a genetic loading for obesity. Her mother and biological father both were obese. The stepfather, instead of putting his arms around her, and playing with her, chose to comment on her weight. He wouldn't tell her, "What a pretty girl you are." He would often tell her, "You?d look so pretty, if you would only stick to your diet and lose weight." Now that she is sixteen and has a job, she doesn't want to live with her stepfather or have any relationship with him. ~ Can?t blame her. Who wishes to be near someone who is constantly derisive about your appearance?
This girl grew to believe that she was not loveable. She believed she was not even acceptable or loveable until she was thin. She was emotionally deprived just because she was fat.
We can't change people by shaming them or making them feel bad. We have no right to tell people to change anything about themselves, until we accept them as they are. We resent anyone telling us to change, even one iota about ourselves, until we feel they accept us as we are.
All human beings want total acceptance of their own self, but very few people want to give it to others. We fear that if we accept a person's "defect," or "fault," he or she would get worse. This fear is baseless. Acceptance and love, on the contrary, give us the power to change. We are able to do what we earlier couldn't, without that encouragement and acceptance from others.
We all here, at JWD have a community based on a common bond. We know how it feels to go through certain experiences, feelings, etc. Yet, many cannot seem to fathom the pain of being overweight. That boggles my mind! A certain few here want compassion, kindness, love and acceptance, when it comes to these issues. Yet they aren?t willing to be compassionate in return. I am not saying we cannot discuss it. Because you need to discuss this subject, but be open minded, listen, perhaps you will actually learn something to help. Instead of ridicule, be cruel, and help keep people in the toxic shame spiral they feel. Words are powerful; we know how it makes us feel when our families try using conditional love to change us, into behaviors that are acceptable to them. So I ask please think about it.
Women more than men are the greater victims of "Sizism," and body fat discrimination. Our society can graciously accept a fat man as a star, but only grudgingly may it concede that status to a fat woman. People magazine, a few years ago, named John Goodman as one of its "sexiest men."
In this regard, the society in the past was much more appreciative of the female in her "element." For instance, at the turn of the century, the reigning sex symbol Lillian Russell, weighed over two hundred pounds. Does this mean mass media has something to do with the body acceptance issue? Or is it that as a society we have become un-forgiving about our perceived flaws? This attitude is why our children are so sensitive this issue. So much so, that they are concerned about body image. How others perceive us as, is how they see us. Because this type of discrimination it becomes powerful impetus, to compulsive behaviors, dieting, eating disorders, etc. No one wishes to be ridiculed, harassed, etc.
What would shaming, belittling, and rejection accomplish? Does it make those who in act in this way feel better about themselves?
Well, in case of fat children or fat adults, it is likely to make them feel insecure, inferior, or even depressed. Some who feel rejected try to make up for it by consuming more food. An overweight teenager, who was left alone for long hours, would often turn to her "refrigerator mama" in moments of loneliness. She just had to open the fridge door and there was fridge mama ready to feed her and replace the comfort, she should be getting from her own mom. Like her, many try to relieve their tension, fear, or sadness by turning to food. How about instead of shaming, blaming or rejecting, we find ways of positive up building to help those of us struggling to find answers, to find help, to find a path. I know some people feel out of control and do not know which way to go, why compound someone?s pain? Some finally find answers and direction, but not with out going through the fire on many levels. It is a painful journey, when it shouldn?t be. We cannot change who or what we are, at least until science progresses that far.
Regards,
X.
Well obviously you've never had a weight problem or you wouldn't make a statement like that.
No, I never have, but possibly people who have had weight problems and overcome them through a sensible diet and exercise would agree with me.
What if I said: I don't understand why anyone would smoke when they know they're killing themselves, when it's a simple matter of just putting the cigarettes down; or I don't understand why anyone would be an alcoholic when they could just learn to put the bottle down after one drink; or I don't understand the mentality of someone who would have a drug problem rather than learn to live without them. We recognize all these things as an addicition, but not food.
No, I recognise it as an addiction, and in fact would go as far as saying that most - if not all - cases of morbid obesity are due to food addictions, not to "genetics" or "a slow metabolism".
Our brains get addicted to various things: cigarettes, alcohol, drugs and yes food. I ate when I was stressed but also because I was genuinely hungry all the time. Our entire society is geared to us being not very physically active as most of us have jobs that require brain power, not physical power.
Agreed. A major cause of obesity is definitely lack of exercise.
Plus most foods we eat have far more calories in them than what our body needs.
Agreed again. Carefully monitoring calorie intake will make it next to impossible to gain weight.
Plus the second you start to diet, your metabolism slows right down as your body desperately tries to re-set it's "set point".
Not if you do it properly. Starvation diets tend to have this effect but a sensible calorie-controlled diet combined with exercise should not. To the extent that it does, the same effect should make it difficult to put on weight.
There's also another hormone they've discovered called "ghrelin" which sends signals to the brain telling you to eat, eat, eat. And guess what? When you try to diet, the body produces MORE of the ghrelin, sending stronger messages to the brain.
This seems to be relevant to Prader-Willi syndrome, a rare genetic disorder. For the vast majority of people, it's largely about willpower.
When you combine powerful messages like this, coupled with the metobolic slow-down when you try to lose weight, and then throw all the advertisements for fast foods that we see on TV, the grocery store and everywhere else under the sun, it gives a better idea as to why so many of us have a weight problem, and why we'll resort to something like weightloss surgery in order to lose weight.
It certainly seems clearer now; you're unable to resist the pressure to over-eat and under-exercise so you need somebody else to fix it for you.
The head of Eating Disorders at Harvard University made a really good point in the National Geographic a few months ago on the subject. She said "trying to treat an obese person in our society is like trying to treat an alcoholic in a town where there's a bar every 10 feet. Unhealthy food is cheap, heavily promoted and is easy to get. Nutritious food is expensive, not promoted and difficult to get."
Society's fault again?
Unhealthy food is cheaper? Some very quick research gave the price of a 5.75oz tube of Pringles in the USA at $1.39. The price of 5lb of Idaho potatoes was $1.24 (that was on special but even at double or triple that, it's exponentially cheaper than the Pringles, which were also on special anyway.) (Data from peapod.com)
(Just in case you've been completely overwhelmed by advertising, the potatoes would be the healthier option there, and vastly cheaper.)
You have self-disgust, you're angry with yourself because you can't seem to lose weight and you're in such bad shape at first that exercise isn't even an option.
OK, so according to you obesity is the result of an addiction fueled by self-hatred. I would probably concur with that, but I would attach less blame to advertising (after all, the same advertising industry is also repeatedly accused of being responsible for teenage girls starving themselves), although there's clearly a cultural element. While not confined to the United States, the sort of extreme obesity that necessitates these operations is relatively rare elsewhere. In a very small number of cases, I think there are also issues to do with genetic conditions and/or lack of mobility due to disease or disability.
Thanks for the information anyway. I think I'm a little closer to undersanding it.
ah derek i'll tell you what my mom told my know it all smugass uncle who thought fat people were retarded lazy idiots..
"just wait till the skinny lil perfect chick you marry grows up and gets FAT!" yes she cursed him with a fat wife..and he got one too..
Buff-- a good freind of mine was way over 150 pounds over-weight. She had been heavy since age 7... and had slimmed way down during her college years but just had fits keeping weight off.
She had a gastric by-pass and got down to withing 10 pounds of her ideal weight. Then had several plastic surgeries to remove excess skin and put some sagging and damaged parts back were they should go. She feels and looks great. And she will be the first to tell you that all the medical things done are just "tools".
Derek. There ARE some people who need to get the lard ass off the couch. AND to some of you other folks it is a SHAME that SOCIETY in general regards heavy people as freaks or "also-rans" in life.
Any one who has tried everything and is willing to take measures to MANAGE their health deserves our respect. AND those who are happy the way they are...it's YOUR life and I can RESPECT that too.
I guess I am lucky. I can manage my weight and fitness by intake and exercise.
Good Luck and I hope it works out for ya!
------------Hill
There's also another hormone they've discovered called "ghrelin" which sends signals to the brain telling you to eat, eat, eat. And guess what? When you try to diet, the body produces MORE of the ghrelin, sending stronger messages to the brain.
This seems to be relevant to Prader-Willi syndrome, a rare genetic disorder. For the vast majority of people, it's largely about willpower.
No it's not relevant to a rare genetic disorder. It's a growth hormone that was discovered not that long ago. Here's a couple of links on the subject that might make you see how this can contribute to the struggle to lose weight:
http://content.nejm.org/cgi/content/abstract/346/21/1623
http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2003/03/11/60II/main543614.shtml
candidlynuts:
ah derek i'll tell you what my mom told my know it all smugass uncle who thought fat people were retarded lazy idiots..
I don't think anything of the sort. I think fat people are overweight due to overeating and/or lack of exercise.
"just wait till the skinny lil perfect chick you marry grows up and gets FAT!" yes she cursed him with a fat wife..and he got one too..
I'm aware that keeping weight off can be hard, especially as people get older. What I don't understand is how somebody can put on the weight of another fully-grown human being. When I've put on a few pounds, I've realised I need to change my habits (more exercise rather than less food). I can even understand how some people delay doing that, or how it's more difficult for some than others. I just don't understand how the realisation can not come until the person needs help washing themselves or getting off the couch. I don't think these people are helped in any way by people telling them it's society's fault,and offering quick fixes (especially at taxpayers' expense).
Mary:
No it's not relevant to a rare genetic disorder. It's a growth hormone that was discovered not that long ago. Here's a couple of links on the subject that might make you see how this can contribute to the struggle to lose weight:Not sure I quite understand the relevance. Are you saying your ghrelin levels are abnormally high?
Funkyderek, I gain weight when I exercise. When I exercise, I build muscle, which weighs more than fat. Physics. I am borderline diabetic, which means I must eat regularly (every two hours is ideal) so that my blood sugar does not dip too low. If I let my blood sugar dip too low and I eat to compensate, my insulin overcompensates and I convert more of my food value to fat. I must eat regular, small amounts, not too much, not too little. Chemistry. My doctor says it is very difficult for people with my condition to lose weight.
Yes, if I keep at it for several years, the scale will turn, and I will finally lose weight. It will be a long time, however, before I see visible results for all my hard work. I completely understand those folks who have been fighting the good fight for many years who decide to go the surgery route. buffalodude, I wish you a healthy and speedy recovery!
I see colleagues who eat much larger meals than I do, and remain skinny. What is the physics in that?
Funky-d, you have oversimplified a difficult problem.
Funky-d, you have oversimplified a difficult problem.
Perhaps. If so, then I must be misunderstanding the point of this surgery. Does it have any effect other than making it physically impossible to overeat?
