by kitties_and_horses_oh_my! 25 Replies latest jw friends
((((Kitties))))
I was going to suggest you work on some male friendships but Toe beat me to it. Maybe having some male buddies will help you realize it's just a friendship and nothing to threaten your marriage.
Some of those old teachings are still stuck way down deep in our souls and it takes some time to dig them out and toss them aside.
(((((((((kitties))))))))))) Girl its so easy for women to grow up insecure in our society! A lot of it is the witness background, but a lot of it is societal programming and stereotyping. We get so stuck in all this gender stuff. Really takes a lot to get past it. One of the best friends I had for a long time was a guy. We hung out all the time. At first oddly enough, I think he had more trouble with it. Then when he was more trusting that I wasn't about to fall for him he relaxed. Actually he was more like a kid brother although he was only a couple years younger.
We are missing out, as people, anytime we deny ourselves friendship based on a preconceived notion.
The best news is, you recognize it and are working on it. Can't get there if you don't start.
Sherry
Alternatively I could have been hitting on her I guess you'll never know!
Methinks avoiding the blue stuff might be a good move for me, now, coz Doc might lace it - LOL.
Princess, Little Toe - you're right, having a few male friends could be a good idea. LT, you want to be my first? :-P
Love you guys, thanks for all your support - it's great to know you're out there.
Kitties:
LT, you want to be my first? :-P
It would be an honour
And we're still all meeting up after Xmas, right?
OK first things first
Just how silly is it to think that a person might leave their mate to jump the bones of the firswt person who comes along on the net. Do people do that with workmates? other people's partners? Even in real life people do have the ability to know someone and not want to run off with them. I can think of hundreds of people I would never want to run off with - in fact wouldn't even fantasize about them.
The WTS is sexaphobic. They want people to think that sex is the only thing people think about. Good lord if JWs really acting on every sexual feeling they would all be DFed. What we have here is a sexophobic group of people who try to control every single aspect of a person's life.
What they fail to realize is that people do have an innate sense of right and wrong. And while some people cross those lines if you are married to a responsible loving moral person then there is no reason to think that your mate is the kind if sexaholic that the WTS wants us all to think people are.
Flat out - THEY ARE WRONG
Lee:
They want people to think that sex is the only thing people think about.
Yeah, you're right. It's not the only thing people think about!
I mean, you've gotta eat n stuff, right?
Fruit can be a pretty dodgy subject, though!
(yeah, ok, it's not a fruit, but it made ya look close, right?)
I have faded for some time now and have been a little jaded by the "world". When I got divorced I was 30 and my son was only 2. I had not been single since 18 so it was an adjustment to say the least.
I discovered that women in general don't want their husbands around attractive women who are single. I was very respectful and mindful of how it would make a wife feel so I was very guarded in what friendships and or relationships I cultivated. I was shocked at the number of married men who hit on me. I was also shocked that they would even think I would CONDSIDER IT let alone DO IT knowing that my husband had cheated on me and had left me and my son for another woman. We are talking about non wittnesses here. Once I remarried I was again welcomed to their friendship which only shows that it's their own insecurity. I was the safest person they could have left their husband with....I would never do to another woman what was done to me.
I still do not think it's ok for my husband to go to lunch with a woman. I do not think it is ok for me to go to lunch with a guy. It's not that I am even worried about him or me, it's that I choose not to give any impression otherwise. I am careful that I am not alone with certain men but that comes from experience and gut feeling (which I have learned to trust and listen to) Just after we were married a woman who we both knew called my husband and asked him to lunch. Knowing how I felt about such things he asked me what I thought and I said tell her we will both meet with her. She then cancelled lunch and when we ran into her she said she was just going to have lunch with my husband to "give him a hat and some golf balls from her work place to give to me" There was no reason for her to have lunch with him so you do the math.
I am very confident in my now husband and in my own feelings. But I have been burned very badly by a quote "friendship" which led to my family being torn apart. You just have to learn the difference between a girl who is being friendly and a girl who is flirting and looking for more.
I can't imagine my life without talking to anyone ... friends or not, male or female (it's a right - it's my life - what would it be if we were only allowed to talk to the same gender we are ? ... So there would be no way to ask anything like that to anyone. A + I think it would give stronger feelings when they cross line - a kind of attraction for the forbiden fruit - maybe not even related to the other one - but only the fact of sharing something new with someone)... also it takes two people to get into any love nor sexual affair.
I've always thought that there would nothing I could do anyway, (probably related to what happen to my mother - some kind of terrible things that I'm not even gonna talk that my father did to her that you won't be able to imagine, with not a inch of respect and of course love couldn't have been there or it must have been about some kind hate or something ... I still wonder, don't know ...).never though also that love have to be eternal any way - it can be different - meant that people didn't have to stay together forever ...
The thing is, though, it is often a self-fulfillinf prophecy. Raised to believe that anytime a man is alone with a woman, especially a worldly woman, that fornication is the inevitable result, leads to a lot of embarrassed fumblings and sexual harassment lawsuits...
CZAR
