I've been struggling so much with some old programming that I truly feel is from the Witnesses, and my father in particular. He always told me men and women couldn't be friends -- unless they were married or related -- because they'd fall in love with each other and leave their mates. That's why you could only be friends with your own gender and were never allowed to be alone with someone of the opposite sex, even in a car.
How do we ever get rid of this garbage that just pervades our minds? I trust my husband, I know he would never leave me and that he loves me lots. When I think about him chatting with a woman -- when I'm thinking rationally -- I know I am in absolutely no danger of losing him. But when I'm emotional I feel like he's going to run a million miles away and leave me frightened, alone, and desperately missing him. The last thing that's healthy in a marriage is a jealous, clingy, overly emotional mate, and so I end up afraid that if he doesn't leave to be with someone he says "hi" to and immediatley subsequently decides to marry, he'll leave me b/c I'm too insecure. Sometimes it feels like damned if you do, damned if you don't, you know?