no meetings this week
I was very depressed at the time I met my best friend.
Yah, my family lives near me. In the same house. I can't really communicate with them for some odd reason. My parents are great people but I guess you could say I have serious issues with them...which is weird because they are very nice and I have problems with virtually NOBODY in my whole lifetime. But there are lots and lots of problems between the three of us. The rest of my family mostly lives right around the area. I have a few other friends but most live at least 30 minutes away..some hours and my best friend lives an 8 hour train ride from me,..not that I think I will be invited back..so that doesn't matter.
I don't have a job right now,.. I try to work when I can,..due to severe depression, panic disorder, ect.
I was homeschooled,..or supposedly was from about 4th grade on and so I didn't make any more friends in school since then.
Yah, I'm lonely.
Talked to my best friend, (witness) Thursday night and it ended with, "well,..have a good time!,"in a cold tone, when I told her I was staying at a friends house to babysitt and make some money this weekend..meeting day..sunday..im sure that ticked her off..the have a good time sounded much more like "Have a good LIFE" than I had expected. Called her tonight and she didn't call me back..
I am feeling VERY empty right now and have one of those "OH MY GOD, WHAT HAVE I DONE?!" feelings.
But then I had that feeling since I told her I was done with the meetings.
It feels very weird. It's like I don't know what to do with my time from about 8pm on for a few hours when she normally calls me.
I know,..or at least I think I did what was right. But it still doesn't feel too good.
Wow. Sorry, for your troubles missy, that's harsh. Wish you could have found this forum before you ended up counting on a witness to be a true friend.
(hugs to you)
Sarah: you are really going through a tought time with this. You poor thing, you've been encolsed in that world for so long, and I know it hurts to be in your situation (more than a few people here have had similar cold remarks from friends, family.)
Its a sore subject. I am 27 and have been dfd since I was 19, after a long, drawn out process that irritated me, and still does to this day.
I can tell you that it will get easier, you are on the cusp of breaking free, and once you decide what YOUR beliefs are ( by true reseach, not the JW crap) the you breathe the freshest, sweetest smelling air of true knowledge.
It comes to you: Little things like: Do you consider yourself as physically "weaker" than men? Shouldn't a good marriage be a partnership, not a dictatorship with a head of the household? What about all the people that have died because of heeding the orgs warning of not getting immunized, refusing organ transplants, refusing blood because they were told to?
Just things to ponder. I am so sorry for the pain that being a free-thinking person has brought you in life. But you can make a decision. You can stay with the crowd and "friends" at the KH and live your secret "double-life" to make everyone else happy. Or you can be truly free, and decide that God gave you a working brain for a reason. This is where you can attain true happiness.And dont knock it till you tried it: therapy might help with some of the doubts and troubles you are going through, it sure did for me.
Just my .02
You sound like a very strong, smart person and I am very glad that you are out of the org.
Thank you for your support...helps very much.
I have decided I am going to a church as soon as possible and I am gonna try to make real friends that don't tell me I have to go to the meetings to not be bad association.
I talked to my friend last night...she's being pretty vague in her answers about whether or not she's going to continue to talk to me...basically answering with things like "Well I want to be ready for the new system and I Want you to be too, but that is your choice." and things like that.
The weirdest thing is that I have this awful fear that she is going to replace me..
Whoops, I didn't mean to post that yet, wasn't finished, lol.
On a happier note,
It is VERY nice to put my dress clothes away in with the clothes in the basement....I HATE to dress up! I have NEVER been a girly-girl and always prefer to wear my jeans or Adidas pants and hoodies/sweatshirts.
I re-peirced my eyebrow ( I felt nekkid without it) and put my very much missed eyebrow ring back in there. YAY! Feel very much more like myself.
And I feel alot better not lying.....
I hate to lie, and I really had been..to the witnesses. I told them I had quit smoking, which I had for a while, but started back up and hadn't told anyone. I felt like I was living a lie in alot more ways than that and I had been...I really hate lying and that is probably the biggest reason I HAD to stop going to those meetings.
I am not a dishonest person and won't put myself in a situation where I have to pretend to be someone I'm not anymore...I feel much better now.
one of the really nice things of stopping meetings and associating with JWs is we can be real with ourselves. We dont' have to live within the confines of their rules.. You can be YOU. we won't judge you if you tell us you smoke, that is your choice.. we'll be your friend any way!