no meetings this week

by missy04 25 Replies latest jw friends

  • Piph


    Hi Missy

    Just wanted to let you know that I really relate to what you're going through...

    My closest friend...ever...stopped talking to me or spending time with me after I left the Witnesses (last year), after a short period of furtive emails. We were better than sisters...I really don't think I'll ever meet anyone like her again.

    At first the ache was intense and constant...I cried a lot and mooned over her for many months. But after a while, I was able to think about the goodness we shared and realized that even the best of friends drift apart some times. I retain hope that someday she'll see the light and come find me...she knows I'm always here for her if she needs me. Right now her idea of God is what keeps her together, and she really doesn't understand or 'get' how I can be happy without him. (Her pity for me is so strong right now...I actually feel it's best she stay away until she heals further...I don't like being treated with pity, especially since I'm happier than I've ever been in my life. )

    Anyway. Losing someone that beauiful and precious...especially for such an insignificant reason...hurts really deeply. It helps to make new friends but that takes time, and no one really can replace someone like that who clicks with you on such a deep level. Even so, healing is in sight. Promise.

  • jaredg

    missy...sorry to hear about your rough times. i wish you well. so what is your story? how did you come about getting involved with the witnesses?

  • Sassy

    Hey Missy, I know this is hard.. we have talked in chat about how hard.. you know I lost my best friend because she found me bad association.. and I miss her a great deal.. but you are right to be proud for being honest and doing what is right for you in the long run. This is such a touch step.. and have done it.. the rest aren't as difficult..

    and we are here for you!! your avatar.. your beautiful girl..

  • missy04


    I was having a really rough time when I met my best friend on the internet, and from that day on we talked every day on the internet and on the phone, then I went to visit her and stayed with her for a few weeks the first time and went to all the meetings with her and her husband. I came home and continued to go to the meetings, then went back to visit her for and stayed 3 1/2 months this time..

    Her co in Memphis happened to be moving to my area in Illinois, and she asked that she come visit us. So they did when they got here.

    Started a Bible study and have been going regularly until lately when I just couldn't do it anymore.

    There was too much that I did not beleive, my family was really upset about it and worried about me, and we started losing long time family friends because of me being involved with them.

    It was all really enticing..the love they show you when you walk in..I had people that really loved me. So it was great for a while. And I just couldn't even think about losing my best friend. She always said she never got to have a baby but she was so glad she met me..because I was like her daughter and best friend. I would have done ANYTHING for her, and I still will,..except go to the meetings. I just hope she can understand that someday.


    I understand what you mean about feeling like you'll never meet someone like her again..that's exactly how I feel. I had ALWAYS been looking for a best friend and when I met her, I felt like I had everything.

    No one can make me laugh like she does, and I can't ever tell anyone things like I can her. No one can ever make me feel better like her either..I often fell asleep talking to her when I was sad because she just has this soothing, hypnotic voice.

    She was just like another mom. I really hope she still will be.

    I really hope you can find another best friend..nope,..nobody can be replaced. I really hope that she sees what's really going on someday and comes and tells you.


    It really hurts when your best friends decides you're "bad" association, doesn't it?

    I know I have never said anything to her that would lead her the wrong way or help her make a wrong decision.

    But they just can't see past what they have been taught,..anyone who does not go to meetings is bad association.

    As hurtful as that is, I'm not taking it personally. I know I am not bad,..not that bad anyway lol. I may be my own worst enemy but I'm not hers. lol

    I really hope that your friend comes around's really tough. Especially when you love someone and want them to be happy..and you see them being controlled.

    I know I wish I could save my friend and I'm sure you wish you could save yours, too.

    ((HUGS)) (and thanks)


  • missy04

    lol. .I didn't mean the co was a lady..I meant the co and his wife.

  • jaredg

    so missy what made you feel that you needed to find a friend? does your family live near you? your profile says that you are 18. it seems to me that at that age you should be able to find friends in school and or at work. do you feel lonely? do you not get long with people your own age? i'm just trying to get the picture here.

  • seattleniceguy

    Hey there, Missy.

    Bummer about your friend. It all sounds very familiar.

    And said that we could speak limitedly and only about the Bible, that we had to keep it spiritual.

    Isn't that funny about Witnesses? They don't start enforcing this standard until they want to cut you off. I had a friend of mine with whom I was pretty tight say something like, "I don't see how we can really hang out...what would we talk about?"

    My response was, "Think about what we talked about for the past five years - technology, work, girls, love, life, current events. It's not like we had a Watchtower study every time we hung out. In fact, realistically, conversations that were directly related to the Bible or the Society comprised maybe 5% of our total time together, at most. The only difference now would be that I might have a different opinion than you on some of those matters."

    Since you are not even an unbaptized publisher, your friend should be able to see you as less threatening than someone like me. I hope your friend comes around. But at worst, you will have gained valuable insights into what fear tactics and indoctrination can do to people.

    Hang in there.


  • confusedjw

    Missy - Think about being 35, a couple of kids a husband and a pretty good case of the "I'm not good enoughs..." That your kids are just great at repeating why holidays are bad, but wish they could play with someone other than the weirdo in their bookstudy. Your husband is a pretty good guy, but is obsessed with working in the sound booth. Brother Better-than-me gets to work in the sound booth so you and the kids are putting in "extra" effort to get out in service on Sat - with a smile and to get the kids ready for the family study on Monday nights.

    You have taken a young sister under your wings who is having trouble with "headship" as she married beneath herself since there weren't many brothers available. He is a turd. She feels it's her duty to God to be submissive and you are trying to help, knowing that it's been wasting you away from the inside out for years and years.

    Then you find out that the religion you are following don't have special knowledge of or from God. That the latest - new light - changes yet another "old truth" that you preached to others for years.

    This really could be your life.

    Maybe the life you lead from here on out won't be perfect it will be yours.

    Remember Tom Cruise in "A Few Good Men" telling the soldier in the end that you "don't have to wear a patch to have honor"

    Well you don't have to be a JW to have morals, decency or values.

  • seattleniceguy

    Wow, Confused, your post really brings it home. The smallness, the pettiness of it all, of a life confined.

    At whatever age, it is good to be out, but Missy, you are lucky to have gotten perspective at your age. Your life is wide open. There may be some pain with regard to leaving the Witnesses, but much, much less than you might otherwise experience.


  • mkr32208

    Yeoowh! Your HOT I'll be your friend!

    Seriously I've lost friends and I'm ashamed to admit it but there are many close friends that I cut off over the years... maybe if she does decide to cut you off at least she'll start to ask questions and get out herself! Hopefully she won't be to proud to call you up if she does!

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