Losing Loved ones to Death While in the Org..

by Roamingfeline 33 Replies latest jw friends

  • Roamingfeline
    Roamingfeline

    Did anyone lose beloved family members or friends to Death while in the org? If so, how did you feel about it once you came out of the cult and figured out that everything you'd been taught about the New System coming soon, and loved ones being resurrected was a big fat lie you'd been spoonfed? How did you feel and react to that?

    I personally lost alot of family members and friends during my time in the Borg, most notably my own mother. I just wondered if anyone else has had a similar experience.

    RCat

  • BoozeRunner
    BoozeRunner

    Hi RCat,
    I lost my wife while still in the BORG.
    Once I found out the lies, I felt horrible, especially since I married her while inactive. She decided to study and become a JW based on literature I had around the house.
    Most disturbing tho, was the lack of comfort I recieved from elders and congregation upon her passing. That indirectly led to my exit, or shall I say exile, LOL.

    Boozy

  • LadyBug
    LadyBug

    RCat

    I find it very hard to deal with. Always expected to see them again. Now, who knows. Will we ever see them again in some form or other? Or is it final?

    To many questions not enough answers. Too hard to think about.

    Liz

  • Prisca
    Prisca

    In the past 20 years, I have lost my mother, my grandmother, 3 aunts and 2 uncles.

    Having the resurrection hope was indeed a comfort. I am still in the process of working out what I believe, but I do believe that if there is a chance of life after death, my mother and other ones will most certainly be protected by God.

    The biggest comfort is that at least they are no longer suffering. Cancer has taken many of my relatives. It's an ugly and insidious disease. I'm just glad they no longer have to suffer the effects of it anymore.

  • Roamingfeline
    Roamingfeline

    BoozeRunner,

    My sympathies go out to you for the loss of your wife. I know how cold hearted the people in the Borg can be. When my mother died, only ONE JW showed up for the visitation, a brother who had lost his own mother to cancer less than a year before. Three others came to the funeral, a man and wife couple who had lived at Bethel, and a single-mother friend of mine. All the other professed "friends" didn't even call or come over. And I was a sister in good standing. It was very bewildering, and a real eye opener, for sure!

    LadyBug, I understand completely. I usually shove the questions down somewhere deep, so I don't have to bring them out to face the cold dark of unanswerable unknowns. But they're always there, niggling in the background, huh? I found that time helped me to deal with it all.

    Prisca,

    My sympathies go out to you, also. Cancer is a horrible disease. My mother, grandfather, uncle, best-friends mother, and several other people I have known have died from it. My brother-in-law, only 23 years old, committed suicide back in 1989. That was one of the hardest things I've ever had to go through in my life. Five months later, my other BIL died in an 18 wheeler crash. All in all, in the past 20 years, I lost three uncles, mother, grandmother, grandfather, 2 BIL's, 3 friends. And then my beliefs came crashing to the ground and I had to start all over again, figuring out what I think is really truth.

    So, I guess what I am trying to say is, wherever we go from here, I am glad I didn't know at the time they died, that I may not ever see them again. Because I honestly think that some of those deaths would have been more than I could bear, had I known that my beliefs were built on a total lie.

    RCat

  • joelbear
    joelbear

    I grieve very strongly when someone dies. I have only lost 3 people who were very very close to me, my grandfather, a friend of mine as a teenager, and the first gay friend I ever made.

    I guess I never really had faith in the resurrection or I wouldn't have felt these losses so hard. But then, my family who are still witnesses grieve pretty hard too.

    hugs

    Joel

  • Tina
    Tina

    ((((((9rcat))))))))))
    I'm sorry for your losses as well as all the losses others experienced in this thread.
    I lost my husband to homicide.Being raised in the 'trooth' that was the event that pushed me into taking the dunk. All I knew and believed at the time was their version of the ressurection. But as time went on,I became more and more disillusioned with that teaching,as well as others. It didnt make sense to me that if in the 'new world' Jeh was going to satisfy every desire and then find out you would no longer be man and wife in this 'new system'.....

    As the yrs went on I got more and more depressed. The more I started thinking and looking into doctrines the worse I felt at what I was finding.(so much for Jeh's 'happy people')
    Struggling as a single Mom,I found no healthy support or real encourage ment. The only 'encouragement' was a getting a few scrips thrown at you. I finally became angry at the deception. ANgry at myself for falling for such bullshit. I left.

    Today I dont have any belief in mythical entities and not because of the WTS. My personal jouney and research led me down a different path.
    Those who always think we dont believe in a god say it's because of the WTS. UNTRUE,I thank them for giving me the impetus to want to learn and research. I know my path would have been the same no matter what belief system I originated from.

    As I went back to school,and entered into therapy to sort out issues and feelings,I was able to grieve and mourn and move on with my life. The wts inability to allow and teach healthy grief and mourning is what kept me so very depressed.I think that's what keeps so many others depressed and contributes to the lack of joy of life that is rampant on the org today.

    Afyer researching other belief systems I came to the conclusion they had to be the absolute worst and dysfunction causing entities in the world! Anyway,I ramble.luv,Tina

  • Mommie Dark
    Mommie Dark

    The resurrection lie is the biggest carrot the Society has to offer. I can remember it being used on me, and using it on others. In a study with our children, one of my sisters started a round of 'who do you hope to see in the New Order?' and all the kids dutifully parroted back their wish to see various deceased loved ones they knew about or vaguely recalled.

    In a family as huge as ours, death is a chronic visitor. All my grandparents, mother, all my Dad's siblings, two of Mom's, all gone, from cancer, stroke, heart disease, or just plain old age. An uncle, cousin, sister-in-law and husband lost in their youthful primes, to accidents. A precious niece and nephew, dead of SIDS. This is not a complete list, just an outline.

    It was a shock to find out that the carrot is plastic and that the Society nails folks' feet down so you can only chase the carrot in the one tiny circle that they have scribed into the dirt.

    Losing that fond dream of seeing Mom and others again wasn't the worst part of deculting. I've always known that dead is dead. If there is no god to resurrect them (and I'm sure enough of that for my own satisfaction) then they are past all pain and suffering, and have fulfilled their purpose in the general scheme of things. No matter how sad or sorry I am at their loss, for them, it's not tragedy. Sorrow and regret are provinces of the living, not the dead. They are, bluntly, fertilizer now, and that's a fine thing in its proper context, and not a fearful fate. Our inability to reconcile ourselves to it is our problem. Their problems are finished for good...

    The worst part was the realization that I had traded my personal ethical integrity in exchange for the promise of that plastic carrot, and wasted all those years, and, worst of all, abused and terrified my kids with cult dogma, in order to buy a timeshare in pursuit of it.

  • Tina
    Tina

    ((((((((md)))))))))))
    True words regarding dead is dead and that goofy carrot we followed.
    Feels good to no longer have week 53 of that inane timeshare(thanks JT lol) luv,Tina

  • Mulan
    Mulan

    I am surprised at how many of you are saying the resurrection was a comfort to you.

    My brother's wife and baby died in 1977. It was all such a horror, to the whole family, and her teenage daughters, who just wanted their mother back. The resurrection hope made me angry back then.

    When my grandmother died, I missed her so much, and the resurrection was so far away. And on and on.

    Marilyn (a.k.a. Mulan)

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