I need some answers. Had talk with mother but feeling extremely frustrated

by azaria 23 Replies latest jw friends

  • azaria

    A couple of weeks ago I posted: www.jehovahs-witness.com/6/78808/1278659/post.ashx#1278659

    For those who don?t want to read the whole post I bolded the part that I would like answers to.

    At the moment I?m feeling totally drained and upset. I know I will get through it. I?m having a hard time reading anything that is too long. Guess it means that I just need to take care of myself and take a break. I feel that I?ve wasted so many years (and money) trying to learn about this organization so that I might eventually get my mother out of it but feel now that it will most likely never happen. I had a very faint hope that it might be possible but now realize that I can?t do it. This org has such a strong hold on her. I feel totally helpless but realize that it is out of my control and pray that God will show her.

    We have both agreed to not let this get in the way of our relationship but it will be a lot harder than she realizes. I love my mother but don?t really like her, I don?t like spending too much time with her. I feel that as a daughter and as a Christian that I be there for her even though I realize that if reversed she would have never been there for me. When she tells me that she loves me more than I will ever know, all the feelings of the past coming flooding back, what she did or didn?t do and realize that she really is incapable of truly loving anyone. It?s always so conditional. I see it presently with how she treats my one brother. I just want to walk away from it all, call an elder from her congregation, that they take of her but know that?s not an option. The one elder made it perfectly clear last year that he didn?t want to get involved, that it was a family responsibility, which I do agree with to a point. My mother does need me.

    She doesn?t seem to truly comprehend things. If I say something or ask a question it seems that she is really not hearing me and rambles about something really not related. I will again ask the question but she has a really bad habit of not allowing me to finish what I was saying and talk over me. She did mention that we need to build each other up, in our faith, but how do we do that when our beliefs are so different. She made a comment a couple of weeks ago when we had our first conversation that if the Witnesses were wrong then God didn?t exist.

    I have asked her if it was okay if I wrote her one more time regarding our beliefs and she agreed that it was okay. So my question is, is there anything that might make her think, that this org might be wrong? 1914, 144,000, the Memorial, Blood, Prophesy, flip-flop doctrine, incorrect translation of NWT. She seems to mention 1914 and that people living won't die so maybe that's the one I need to concentrate on but I need info. If anyone can show me a link or know enough about it I would greatly appreciate it.

    edited to fix link ~ Scully

  • jgnat

    I don't think there is any scripture or study that can THINK your mom out of the society. You are right, she can no longer think straight. As soon as she sees anything that threatens her worldview, she gets "confused". Further study will just push her farther in to her "confusion" and her Watchtower. I think any more written arguments are doomed to failure.

    Instead, speak to her heart. Be the model Christian that she should have become. Be the living example of Christian behavior that she cannot deny. There may be a day when the society spits your mom out, when she is no longer of any use to them. THEN you can step in and show her Christian care. Track Minimus' thread about his mother, and how the society is treating her. The cruelty of the WTS is your best friend.

  • Satanus
    she has a really bad habit of not allowing me to finish what I was saying and talk over me.

    A bad sign, imo. Dialogue is over. It's a one way street. She doesn't want her thought processes interfered with. That makes her feel something she doesn't want to feel. She sounds closed minded, self centered. My sympathies to you, azaria. As a christian, you no doubt feel burdens and obligations that nonchristians wouldn't. You may be putting up w things that a nonchristian wouldn't. That is your right, of course.


  • blondie

    Have you read Steve Hassan's books? He talks at length about what a cult is, how they get and keep hold of people, and how to get out yourself or help someone.


    Combatting Cult Mind Control: The #1 Best-selling Guide to Protection, Rescue, and Recovery from Destructive Cults (1988) and Releasing the Bonds: Empowering People to Think for Themselves (2000).

    He may help you to pinpoint a better tactic to take.


    I have found that many families have these kind of problems, JW or not. It is just being a JW makes it worse rather than better as they advertise.

    I no longer talk to my family because they interrupt and talk over me. That is not a dialogue and that is not love.

    Hugs, Blondie

  • teejay

    1914, for all its relevance to JWs, was an important date that helped turn the lights on for me.

    JWs believe (and teach) that during the mid- to late 19-teens, Jesus was in heaven, about to be crowned King of the kingdom in heaven. He was also making an inspection of his earthly temple. IOW, he was looking at all of earth's Christian religions to see which one, if any, met his approval. According to JWs, one did ? the Bible Students.

    Ask any JW: in all of your studies, was there EVER a time when Jehovah aligned himself with falsehood? The answer will be a consistent "no." Logic, then, says that if the Bible Students had god's unconditional approval then?and Jehovah doesn't change?whatever they did, believed, and taught THEN should be okay NOW.

    So from there, I researched exactly what was happening in the Organization around that time. What their practices were. What they believed. What they taught as "truth". Comparing the Bible Students of the early 1900s with present day Jehovah's Witnesses was eye-opening.

    Don't know if any of this will help your mom, but for me it was the beginning of the end of my life as a JW.

  • avishai

    the UN thing is a big shocker

  • shotgun

    Get her to read the WT material being studied around that time period like the Finished Mystery or Millions now Living will never die...see if she thinks it was full of truths?

    Both can be found in most KH libraries or online as well. The current WT's still make glowing remarks about these old WT publications so she should be willing to read them.

  • JT

    Why Bad Beliefs Don't Die


    I highly suggest that you read this info at this site, it really sheds some interesting thoughts on why PROOF, FACTS, EVIDENCE, DOCUMENTATION AND REASONABLE ARGUMENT mean absolutely nothing to a JW-

    while it is not directed toward jw it is directed toward the avg jw mindset one of "defend the org at all cost"

    as a result it requires as we have seen here over and over that a jw must do "Mental Gymnastics" just in order to remain a jw

    while many things the wt teach are correct and solidly built upon the bible, we all know that the wt has a long history of teaching, preaching and advocating some of the most Goofiest DOGMAS KNOWN TO MANKIND all in the name of the Lord

    wt has a long track record of signing checks in god name and they bounce-

    this article has been one of the best articles in helping myself and so many other folks to better understand the difficulty of why a jw can look at information and even agree with you and still say

    "I dont care if the you are right i perfer to be wrong with the wt"

    of course we all know that if a bible study would say the same thing about their pastor, pope or belief system the jw would try to help them see how foolish that sounds, to admit that something is wrong and yet turn around and say I don't care

    sorta like a man driving whose wife tells him, "Honey you are going the wrong way,"-- yet concedes she is right, --but yet continues to drive in the same direction- the wife would merely say to herself: "yep i am indeed married to a fool"

  • johnny cip
    johnny cip

    Ask any JW: in all of your studies, was there EVER a time when Jehovah aligned himself with falsehood? The answer will be a consistent "no." Logic, then, says that if the Bible Students had god's unconditional approval then?and Jehovah doesn't change?whatever they did, believed, and taught THEN should be okay NOW.
    since 1919 is one of my favorite arguements with jw;s . i will remember this line. the best part is next to no active jw has any idea what they were teaching at the time. and since they can't back it up . they are false3 witnesses in the name of jehovah... john

  • M.J.

    The 1919 argument is very well presented in the book, "Captives of a Concept"

    I highly reccommend you read it. (I know, everyone is saying, "read this!" but for me, at least, it was the best analysis I have read on the underlying doctrinal basis for the WTS's very existence, and how it can be easily debunked--a real eye opener, even to someone who has done plenty of research on the WTS)

    Also, the author presents his experience with a fellow elder who said essentially the same thing your mom did, "if the Witnesses were wrong then God didn?t exist."

    Unfortunately, in his experience, this was a sign that the person was not open to reason. But one ray of hope is that you may perhaps get her to teach you the reasons why Jesus and Jehovah chose the WTS as Jehovah's sole channel to mankind. With your help, your mom may learn something new (and damaging) as she is trying to teach you something about the WTS. The book makes reccommendations on how one might accomplish this using the WTS's own history book, "Jehovah's Witnesses, Proclaimers of God's Kingdom".

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