Why do my family still treat me like I have the "plague"?

by booker-t 8 Replies latest jw friends

  • booker-t

    When I "Disassociated" myself in the early 90's I thought that finally I could go on with my life and not have to be subjuected to WT rules and regulations. Wrong! My family will not let it go. My mom who can overlook my brother's "adulterous affair" my niece getting pregnant out of wedlock, my sister running off with a married man, just won't let it rest the fact that I DA'ed myself. I asked her what sin is worst my brother's adultery or my leaving the Watchtower? Her response was that my brother just became weak and fell into sin but my turning my back on the WTS is unforgivable. I told her I will never come back to the WTS and she told me that I will never be welcomed in her house again as long as I am an "apostate" My brother has not spoken to me since 1991. When we were growing up we were very close. But now he acts as if he does not know me. I saw him with his wife in the supermarket the other day and tried to say hello and all hell broke loose. He was screaming at me not to talk to him or his family that I was of the evil slave class and that I would be destroyed at Armaggeddon. All I did was say hello. Now this is the brother who is cheating on his wife mind you but yet he can cast stones at me. The people in the supermarket were totally shocked and did not know what was going on. I just left and vowed never to utter a word towards my brother or his family again. Was I wrong or should I still try and talk to my brother because maybe I can help him see the lies the WTS has told him. Posters please help me with some good advice.

  • kls

    The more i hear this and lately it has been a lot i am really starting to have JWs and their cruelty. No you are not wrong ,you have every right to stand up for yourself and if the love he has for you is only through the WT then he is not your brother. So your mother gave birth to you with conditions. I will love you and protect you as long as you are a JW if you are not a JW you were never born . How is this family? Sorry but this just angers me and makes me hurt for all people going through this. : (

  • Joyzabel

    When family and friends treat us as you described, it hurts. But get beyond the hurt and see who is doing the screaming and causing a scene.

    I say keep saying hello, just brace for the bizarre reaction. Realize it is their silly rules and if you act normal, maybe someday they will get out from under the WT mind control.

    welcome to the board.


  • metatron

    Joyzabel is right. Keep making the effort, even if it 'forces' them to act rudely.

    If your family is extended, reach out to the 'spiritually weak' or df'd relatives.

    The 'faithful' cultists may end up embarassed and isolated.


  • Mary

    Booker I sympathize with you but I'm not sure there's alot you can do. The religion has a firm grip on your family and to them, the religion comes first.

    You may want to write your mother a letter telling her why you DA'd yourself, not to hurt her, but because there were too many things in the Organization that bothered you and you didn't want to be a hypocrite about it. As for your brother, he sounds just like the Sadducee that ignores his bretheren lying on the side of the road in Jesus' illustration of the Good Samaritan. Maybe you should point that out to him and tell him his behavior certainly isn't very Christ-like, and where does he get off judging YOU, when he's a frigging adulterer??? Doesn't the bible say "why do you say to your brother, 'let me remove the rafter in you eye' while ignoring the one in your own eye?'

  • darkuncle29

    ...if you'd had a video camera? Priceless.

    I'm sorry for how they treat you, I wish you the best in this.

  • cyber-sista

    booker T.

    I never DAd myself nor was I Dfd, but I am still treated as if I have the plague because I don't participate in any JW activities any longer. I is a shock to me after 20 years of friendships and some family to be treated in this manner. I AM A NICE PERSON. I was always respectful and kind to others, but I couldn't take the abuse of the Org any longer. I couldn't take what they were doing to me and my family and to others I knew--half my friends in there were on medication--they couldn't handle being a JW without being on drugs.

    The paranoia is the JW Org has reached a frenzied level--I question the sanity of anyone who is still involved in the Org. If Jesus Christ himself walked into the KH today he would not be accepted.

    It no longer matters how good you are or kind or loving--how much you care for the sick and needy--how good of a parent, child, or friend you are--all that matters is if you are working for the Organization.

    Sorry--that is my soapbox for the day. It is not your imagination--JWs are getting more unbalanced as time goes on. Hopefully your family will wake up one day. Until then seek people who support you as a human being. You made the right decision to leave when you did. I almost waited to long. So grateful to be out now.

    As far as sharing your knowledge of the Org with any hardcore JWs most of the experts here will tell you--don't. They will view you as an apostate. They all know that you have your reasons for leaving. If they ever have the desire to leave themselves I'm sure you will be the first one they will think of calling

    Take care, the best to you!


  • Granny Linda
    Granny Linda


    I'm so sorry hearing about this incident with your brother. One of the reasons I stopped reading on any forums for former JW's was reading and re-rereading about such abuse. It friggen sickens me, and I've been df for 33 years and pretty much worked through my issues - and then those evil bastards rear their ugly head and my blood pressure goes up.

    "Apostate" must be their favorite word. Ignorant, ignorant people.

    A little history of my own to share; lets see...15 years ago I was new into my recovery and wasn't very nice while at my one sister's home. Her comments about "I will not love my son if he grows up to be a homosexual...nor love my daugher if she becomes a prostitute" blah blah blah, simply made me angry and she knew it.

    Years later I had opportunity to speak on the phone with her, sorta testing the waters because she was at that time just another hypocrite fence riding wanna be, never baptised JW. Anyhow, she told me "you are a bad influence on my family and I want nothing to do with you." Okey dokey.

    Now, all those years later I happen to meet up with her while she is delivering the mail and foolishly think that perhaps we can be civil because I did wish to make my amend for having been so verbal those many years ago. After her phoney attempt to inquire if I knew about our aunt being in ill health {as if she ever has contact with our aunt anyhow} I bit my tongue. Actually I bit my tongue on many things that day because we came full circle to her once again saying, "You have always entertained apostate ideas. You are a bad influence on my family and I want nothing to do with you." Okey, dokey.

    Well just last week I saw her again and this time I just stared at her as she was forced (delivering mail) to walk past me and my one grandchild. Her discomfort at seeing me was obvious, but I will never attempt to speak with her again under any circumstances. I've had enough of JW's and their hate filled, self righteousness to last me a lifetime.

    Did it hurt those many years ago being shunned? although your situation is different and where is cause for shunning...because you, we, are the apostate in their narrow and unthinking pee brain. I have much contempt for what that organization represents - acted out by individuals that believe themselves superior to anyone else...in all matters.

    I no longer cry, I longer "wish" things were different. I just got on with my life ever thankful to be out of harms way in regard to that screwy religion. It took years though for me to come to acceptance of the way things are - not the way I wish they were. They really cannot hurt me any longer, and they are the one's living in fear every waking moment. Yet I do not feel sorry for them in the least.

    My favorite expression at the moment is "Jw's are hypocritical pigs." If that's too strong of language, so be it.

    Hey, I found out our one neighbor was raised JW...his dad being an alcoholic elder and all. hahahaha

    Stand tall and firm in your conviction of having done the good deed by disassociating yourself from evil.

    GL, of the I wanna picket the local KH, class. Cheers.

  • Midget-Sasquatch


    Isn't it crazy? If you try to look at it from the perspective of who really is trying to live a life free of lies and trying to do what they believe is right, then damn it, these dubs are all backward and whacked!!!

    I'm just "weak" to those in the congegation I've switched to, but I made the mistake of raising some doubts to my family. Its really all about submission and control and conditioning. Others may have gotten layed and drugged up, but if they don't commit the cardinal sin of questioning the Org, they're not a real threat to anyone else's faith. Dissenters are a pariah. The Org has conditioned them to put up walls to anything that will puncture the fantasy.

    Its infuriating but you'll be much better off when you accept that its a dynamic you can't change for them. If you just keep religion out of anything you say to them, you'll be less of a perceived threat. Then you may be able to cirumvent those walls and talk a little.

    I wish you the best.

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