What kind of JW response do you think I'll get?

by Bubbamar 33 Replies latest social family

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  iiz2cool

  Ok im confused.you were d,fed for Adultery right? If so,why is everyone condemning the D,fed action! If ive got it wrong i apologize.I actually agree with disfellowshipping if People are personally hurt bad in what ever way.But not for consensual relationships between 2 free parties.

  Ive noticed this before,everyone is so quick to condemn the Jw,s they forget any innocent,hurt parties.

  Her mom probably doesn't fall into the category of innocent, hurt parties. She's a family member who is carrying out the policy of shunning. Personally, I don't think disfellowshipping works. I cannot see how treating someone like dirt is supposed to produce a favorable response. Marital breakdown is stressful to both the husband and wife, regardless of who is at fault, and in normal families parents give moral support to their children, and help them to recover. My own JW mom has been a tremendous support to me, even though I DA'd last year. And she knows I'm not going back.

  I don't have a problem with JWs shunning me. But they have to realize that I have an equal right to shun them. If they choose to publicly speak ill of me, they have no right to expect that I won't respond in kind. If they want to express their beliefs to me, they have to realize that I will disagree with them. And I won't be nice about it; I'll use the same sort of language they use in their own condemnations of other religions, governments, and people. They call other religions whores - then I call them whores.

  They need to learn that they're just like everyone else - their words and actions carry consequenses just as ours do. They need to learn that we are no longer JWs, and therefore are not subject to their foolish rules.

  Walter
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  shotgun

  Walter your really on a roll

  But they have to realize that I have an equal right to shun them. If they choose to publicly speak ill of me, they have no right to expect that I won't respond in kind. If they want to express their beliefs to me, they have to realize that I will disagree with them. And I won't be nice about it; I'll use the same sort of language they use in their own condemnations of other religions, governments, and people. They call other religions whores - then I call them whores.

  They need to learn that they're just like everyone else - their words and actions carry consequenses just as ours do

  fleaman..I know from all your past posts that you have no love for the troof or it's regulations. Shunning is not a productive or mature way of handling any situation, most likely it's why the WTBTS clings to it.
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  frenchbabyface

  Gumby : Walter your really on a roll

  yeah !!!
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  shotgun

  Frenchy who you callin Gumby..damn that's hitting below the belt!
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  fleaman uk

  It is a terrible thing that people cant just say" thanks a bunch,but im finished with the JW,s now..all the best".

  To be shunned for no other reason than you just dont want to be part of it any more is the cruellest thing of all imo.

  No offense to anyone at all in my last coupla posts.
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  iiz2cool

  It is a terrible thing that people cant just say" thanks a bunch,but im finished with the JW,s now..all the best".

  Yes, they feel the need to trash the character of anyone who leaves. They don't allow any honorable way out. They go from door to door and tell people to examine the deficiencies of their own religions, but once baptized such examination is forbidden.

  Walter
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  CeriseRose

  I didn't take any offense myself...just wanted to clarify my position on the matter. :)

  I think that's what gets me the most...that I left without a blemish, and just because I don't buy in to 150% of the WTS crap now, I'm labelled (and apostate no less...I haven't said so much as BOO on doctrine to anyone...it makes me wish I'd blasted my sister with all the info I had now).

  The gossip, the backstabbing, the judgmental attitude is exactly what drove me out in the first place...and the same people who did it to me then are doing it to me now. Only now I spend a considerable amount of my energy ignoring them. It's not easy -- knowing people are slandering you behind your back, and the only way I could confront any of them would mean outing my one JW friend who still does talk to me. I won't do that to her, she's been nothing but a friend in all this.

  It hurts that people who I once considered as close to me as family can so easily discard me...they did it before I left and now they abuse my character and I am powerless to stop it. So they keep pouring salt in the wound. All I can do is move on and remind myself that they're the ones with the defect, they're the ones who are missing out on life.
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  Bubbamar

  fleaman - I would guess that you have also been the victim of adultry. Allow me to say that yes it is and was a horrible thing. I was 18 years old (19 years ago) and suffered myself in many, many ways because of my terrible choices in that matter. I would also like to clarify that I had a problem with drugs and alcohol and went to the elders to tell them that while I was loaded my boss who was married and 17 years older than me, seduced me. I didn't blame him then - I can see now that I was very young and not of a clear mind for many reasons. I will also say that he was not the first older, married man to use me in sexual way...and yes the others were JW's. Do you think they discussed my drug problem? Do you think they offered my any outside help? No. They didn't even address it. All they did was grill me for every gory detail.....did he penetrate you, were you wet....Then, they DF'ed me. Granted, maybe I did have it coming. But HELLO - its 19 years later. I have long since realized what I did wrong and got a lot of help for myself to not keep making the same mistakes. I'm only sharing this with you because for future reference, its not really fair to judge based on such little information. Their are all sorts of shades of gray and people do change.
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  Jez

  "I prefer that to the kinds of religion that are out that will condone anything."

  Well I prefer the kind of religion that would rather keep a 'sinner' amongst them and in that way show true love rather than pitch them outside to fend for themselves and somehow find their own way back God. If someone is messing up, then that is the time that they need to be surrounded by the congregation and the ones that love them. True Christian love is letting God be the judge and not prelabelling anyone. Do they think they are God's little elves? Helping to ease the big job ahead by doing some prejudging for him? Real churches do not 'condone anything', rather they avoid labelling and writing off anyone because that is not their friggin place to do it. As long as someone is alive there is hope and they ACTIVELY pursue that rather than just preach it. If they want to leave the church, they will. BUT one if they want to stay and heal...it is because they WANT to, not because they are forced to and they are welcomed to stay.

  I think it is easier to write off 'sinners' as JW do, than try to readjust and love them from the inside as (most) churches do. They are lazy, selfish bastards that would rather try to recruit new ones than tend to the ones that are family/friends.

  Shunning is a very very very tender spot with me, esp after just reading a post in the 'scandels of JW' section about a new addition Re: If elders have counselled an abuser 2x, not listen, he can be df'ed AND his wife can have a scriptual divorce. '

  That is all I ever wanted and deserved. If this proves to be true, I think I will puke and go into a state of shock as to how they can ruin so many lives, and then just.........change. But I am one of the written off ones....unworthy....bec I left an abuser of 14 years and eventually remarried. I have lost my mother, brother, niece, nephew, friends and I hold onto a string with the other JW family members.

  High five to Walter's post and Gary. I am mad too. I too shun them because they shun me. But sometimes I get tired of the 'tit for tat' and 'you hurt me, so now I hurt you'.

  I am so very tired of being punished.
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  fleaman uk

  Bubbamar

  Thanks for giving some info,though of course i know you dont have to explain yourself to anyone...apologies for going off on one.I have never experienced adultery myself (i am the ultimate bachelor anyway!)But i did see it once in the old Cong i used to go to,and the innocent Parties were treated horribly by the Elders.

  Tho i stand by my previous comments,i wish you all the very best and hope your Mum sees sense soon.The decisions we make when very young should not be held against us forever!