Suggetions for handling a difficult situation?

Stefanie

My daughter came home from shcool yestarday RED! After a private discussion with her, she said a girl in school whom she has gym with (7th grade) told another girl that her uncle has been touching her!! My daughter wasnt part of the conversation but she stepped in and asked if she (victim) has spoken with the counselor yet. The victim said no because her uncle (the sick ass) told her if she told, he was going to beat her dad to death. Here is the problem: My daughter doesnt know her name, and my daughter doesnt want me to get involved! I told my daughter I would call from a payphone, but i needed her name and grade. My daugher woke up sick to her stomach and didnt want to go to shcool today, so she is home with me.. Here is another problem: Once I get that info. who should I call, the police, the school officials, CPS? I feel the need to do something now, but wont be able to until Monday!

Scully

Maybe you could call the school and talk to the principal about what your daughter told you.

The girl apparently feels safe enough to talk about what's happening to her at school. You could go with your daughter and the Principal would have access to the names of the students. Your daughter just has to point her out to the Principal. You wouldn't need to know any names, and neither would your daughter. Once you involve the principal this way, he is duty bound to notify Child Protective Services. And you have done everything you can without invading this child's privacy or requiring your daughter to invade her privacy.

Love, Scully

Stefanie

She would have to go and piont her out? Or do you mean a list of names for all the girls in her class?

She doesnt know her name yet. I dont know how they do gym there, but i think they mix grades..

Thanks scully.

confusedjw

Right, Scully is dead on.

I would call the Principle and tell him the name of your daughter's friend who the victim was confiding in.

It?s hard because you are deciding between the worse of two evils.

How does getting involved affect your daughter and her classmates? ? How does not getting involved affect a girl who is being abused?

Call the Principle and just tell him what you know. No need to try to justify, prove, disprove, believe, not believe, interfere ? just inform.

New Castles

Stef,

You really should let the principal know. Ask that your daughter is not specifically involved, but something has to be done to help this girl.

kls

Stef, i would have your daughter ask someone in her school her name and tell the school what your daughter heard. Tell the school that you do not want to give them your child's name but you are concerned for the other child and that you see no need for your own child to get involved. You have got a great daughter to come to you with this and confide in you .

Elsewhere

This must be addressed... all the more so because the abuser is threatening violence.

Lady Lee

I think it would be helpful to explain to your daughter that threats are very often a part of the abuse so that the child will not talk. But if she had to choose between helping a little girl who can't fight back against a grown man and two adults who may or may not have a fight and that the authorities will be told of the thretas and can take actions to protect everyone she may be less scared to point the girl out.

If the "victim" is telling a friend and telling her loud enough for your daughter to overhear then she is crying out for help. She is also very scared and probably feels quite trapped in the situation. Grade 7 means about 11-12 years old?

Have a talk with your daughter about why this is so important.

Call the principal.

Stefanie

Well i just tried to call the office and got an answering machine. I didnt want to leave a message, i wanted to talk to someone personally.

My daughter said the victim is hispanic with red curly hair, and thinks her name might be amanda. She has her for gym only.

When i asked my daughter how many girls look like her, my daughter said none.

I have been grilling my girl all morning. She there was an incident in the cafateria before gym, where she was almost in a fight because the girl she confided in told her brother and he was poking fun at her (victim) when the principle approached the table, everyone got quiet and didnt say anything.. ... Kids!

I wish she would have told me this before telling me not to call.. Either way , I am sure the principal at lunch yesterday will remember.

I am going to try again in 30 mins..

I am more concerned for the girl...

Stefanie

You have got a great daughter to come to you with this and confide in you .

Thanks...

Aside from her own problems at that stoopid school I am very glad she trusted me enough to share.

She has never been exposed to this. Only what we talk about on how to deal with situations if it were to ever happen to her. But it made her sick...... enough to not want to go to school today..

Suggetions for handling a difficult situation?

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