The first thing out of a JW's mouth

by Nosferatu 25 Replies latest jw friends

  • Nosferatu

    Although I like to keep the afterlife unknown....

    What do you think the first thing out of a JW's mouth would be when they discover they went to heaven (or hell) instead of Paradise Erf?

  • Epsilon

    "I've been peddling magizines about total BS all of my life??!! I shunned my family, derailed my career and had to have a 4-door car...for a lie? Oh, reincarnation had better be real, too!!"

  • Margie

    "What the [fill in the word appropriate for the person speaking] is going on here?" and then the second thing, once they look around and see all of the so-called worldly people right along side them would be "What a gyp!"

  • Elsewhere

    "This must be a deception created by Satan."

    Then the JW would proceed to refuse to join anyone in any heavenly activities... kind of the same way JW kids have to go sit in a special room during school events like pep rallies... effectively converting their heavenly bliss into a self-imposed eternal hell.

  • BrendaCloutier
    "This must be a deception created by Satan."


  • franklin J
    franklin J

    they would say

    ..." but wait; I AM A JEHOVAHS WITNESS "

  • Odrade

    "Hmmm... guess I was anointed after all... suckers!"

  • Dawn

    Reminds me of an old joke:

    A man dies and goes to heaven. He's met at the gates by Saint Peter who proceeds to give him the grand tour.

    As they walk down the golden paved road, St. Peter points over to the left where a group of people are having a ball playing bingo & drinking wine. "This is the catholic area - feel free to join in - they're a lot of fun"

    They walk a bit further, St. Peter points over to the right where a group are singing and dancing. "This is the Baptists, if you like music and dancing you'll want to join in with them. It's a good time"

    They walk a bit further and come upon an area surrounded by a concrete wall reaching up as far as the eye can see. There's no windows or doorways to see in. St. Peter puts his finger up to his mouth to gesture "quiet now" and whispers "don't make any noise as we pass by". The man is curious and whispers back "is that hell?". St. Peter chuckles..."No - that's the Jehovah's Witnesses - they don't know we're here".

  • Country Girl
    Country Girl

    I don't think they'd say anything. You have to sing in heaven. So they'd play their harps accompanied by the following lyrics

    "My balogna has a first name, it's W-A-T-C-H

    My balogna has a second name it's T-O-W-E-R!

    Oh.. I loved to preach it every day! But if you ask me now I'd say....

    The Watchtower sure has a way with B-O-L-O-G-N-A!"

    <giggles behind harp>

    Country Ghoul

  • undercover

    Did you see South Park the other night? It might have been a re-run, I dunno, but while Eric was starting a new religion to try to make 10 million dollars, Satan and Saddam where having a lovers quarrel.

    There's a scene where people are dying and going to hell and are confused because they thought they should have been in heaven. One man says that there had to be a mistake. He was a protestant minister. He should be in heaven. The demon in charge says, "nope. Sorry, you picked the wrong religion." A second man says, "I'm a practising Jehovah's Witness. Why am I here?" Demon says, "sorry, you picked wrong too".
    While I was laughing at that, someone asked who does have the right religion and goes to heaven. The demon answers, "mormons". ROFL

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