Hello...ex .jw. intro & background.

by Nigel 28 Replies latest jw friends

  • Nigel

    My name is Nigel.I am 50,married with five kids,early teens to late 20,s.I live in the bush in Australia.I have cruised this site for a couple of months & feel comfortable enough to talk now.Those of you who were long term JW,s will understand that.Only my direct family know what i am about to tell.I have never told anyone else as they would not understand.I was born a JW in the U.K. and some of my first memories are of going door to door.I was scalded when i was 4 & i remember some brothers coming to see me.My parents emigrated when i was 13 as my dad didn,t get on with the inlaws.My dad drank a bit at home at home & was violent.It was never spoken about outside of the family and at 15 i left home.I was the eldest of four.I continued to go to meetings,lived on my own & learnt a trade.At 20 i married a good JW girl as was expected & became a regular pioneer.I was a good public speaker & as far as the congregation was concerned had a bright future.I believed in what i was doing as it was what i had been taught.When I was 22 we had a baby & was witnessing one sunday morning & was involved in a head on car accident in a 60mph zone.My wife & son were minor injured but i was lucky to survive.I had many bone fractures & head injuries & i did not know who i was,what had happened,nor recognize my wife or child for 3 months.I was in hospital for 6 months.I was unable to do anything for a year.By this time i was in financial difficulty & due to this & my mental state grabbed what i could get in court,which was not much.During this time no one helped...no one.I continued to go to the meetings but my heart was gone & the downhill slide had started.Over the next 7 to 8 years i worked a normal job but started to drink & by mid 80s was not attending meetings.My wife was a good JW & did not understand my feelings.Although i had much respect for her & still do,by this stage we had 3 kids,& there was a chasm between us.I knew that i was affecting my wife but she would never divorce me.So i figured the best way was to give them all the reason not to want me around.I was called to the meeting & i told the elders how i felt & that even i did not know why.Disfellowshiped.Fair enough.We divorced late 80s.She married an elder.I married a so say worldly person.About 3 or 4 years later my new wife & i had 2 kids & were getting along fine.I had started talking to dad but i did not want to go back to meetings.My dad was disfellowshiped for smoking & could not give it up.He became ill & very depressed.He overdosed on anti depressants.My mum knew what he had done & left him on the floor for 24 hours before calling an ambo.She rang me when he was dead.I don,t talk to her any more.She remains a JW.No comment.My sisters are JW,s. Nobody talks anymore but.Three weeks after dad died my brother had a lot of problems,financial,legal & grief.He was only 29.He shot himself.I buried two in three weeks.And so began a new chapter in my life...violence.And baby wasn,t i good at it.I king hit everyone within arms length for a year.Didn,t lose a fight,the anger was immense.Did the maximum weekend detention,lost my job,my second wife took the kids & went. Understandable.I held a gun in my mouth so hard i bled for two days.But i couldn,t do it.I love my present wife & kids & i believed that Jehovah would understand & forgive me when i die.I did my best with what i was given.From that day i never looked back.I fixed it up with my wife & we get on great.My three oldest kids to my 1st wife are Jw,s but i see a bit of them.My wife now hasn,t much time for religion.Understandable.She is a nurse.I don,t work any more.I still look outside & appreciate what god has done for us but i don,t need other people to feel that.Too much damage done.I don,t slag the witnesses nor the WTS.Their business what they do.I just don,t agree with the procedure of DF,s and the climate of fear & guilt.I have seen much & will contribute where i can.You seem like a decent bunch.Good luck to you all.Nigel

  • kls

    Wow and welcome. You have suffered so much in your life and i am so glad you are here to share your life with us. Suicide brings so much pain for us left behind and the stigma that goes with it. You are a survivor and with what you have been through you will be an inspiration and strength to others.

  • Nosferatu

    Wow, that's one hell of a story. Thanks for sharing it!

    Welcome to the forum, Nigel!

  • avishai

    Wow. Hell of a story. Have you told the police about your mum?

  • avishai

    Wow. Hell of a story. Have you told the police about your mum?

  • Momof4

    Welcome Nigel! Thanks so much for sharing your life's experiences with us. It sounds like you've come a long way. I find it therapeutic to discuss my past experiences with the wts so I appreciate it when others share theirs as well.

  • BrendaCloutier

    Welcome, Nigel. I'm glad you're here.

    I'm sorry for all of your losses. Tough stuff. Sounds like you're doin' ok for now.

    I, too, held a gun to my head when I felt I couldn't divorce my first husband, a violent alcoholic. Afterall, we were raised that divorce just didn't happen unless.... Russian Roulette with a 44 mag. Click. Click. Look down barrell and point to ceiling, BANG! I have some hearing damage/loss in my right ear, but it shot the will to live back into me. (My own alcoholism was also raging, and I finally got sober with AA in 1990.)

    Keep hanging around and sharing when you wish.

    Hugs and love


  • morty

    holy....I am speechless Nigel....

    Welcome the the fourm.....

  • Dogpatch

    Hi Nigel,

    You have the most extreme story I've heard, my heart goes out to you. I hope you will experience more peace of mind in the days ahead. I can't imagine what you have been through, so hard. Welcome to the board.

    Randy Watters


  • jst2laws

    Welcome to the board Nigel,

    You have been to the bottom and survived. Great to have you here and have your story posted. You said:

    I don,t slag the witnesses nor the WTS.Their business what they do.I just don,t agree with the procedure of DF,s and the climate of fear & guilt.

    Good assesment of the areas of the WT that I dislike most. As you are around more you will probably learn a few more things about the WT that you did not know. Besides this site you might like some linked in the banners above. For a great perception of the inside of the WT you may enjoy Ray Franz's books at www.commentarypress.com

    You have probably noticed there are some here in the stag of anger. Please do not take offense if they display the need to do a little 'slagging'. I love your attitude despite what you have been through.


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