I just read through this post for the first time. I am housebound today because our toilet is broken and well, we aren't doing much until that situation is fixed So I have some extra time to explore around here.
The great crowd (oh, ick... sorry) of encouragers here is an awesome bunch. It is a comfort to read that there are more than just a few in the "recent flier" club. Reading everyone's warm concern and gentle suggestions (no imperatives - wow...) helps me also. I would like to quietly echo their hopes that your anxiety and depression are lessening. I feel like Patio34....... I'm so crazy-happy to be free that each day I marvel at how good it can feel...
What prompted me to add to this topic is the following: I've explained to my two sons (11 and 14) that after some careful research and difficult conclusions, their JW mom of 11 years is no longer attending meetings, avoiding holidays, won't force them to study or sit through meetings when they visit me anymore (they live with their father), etc. etc. They have been inculcated, pretty much, identify themselves as JW's at school, but have not had to make as much of a theatrical spectacle of themselves in general as other jw kids. (Their dad has always been agnostic.)
The other night my eldest son informed me that he was "studying" the Greatest Man book with his brother. I was, um, well, uh, at a loss for words? That book in particular is not as polemicky (erg... i make up words when necessary) as others so I praised him for his curiosity, doing something other than watching pokeman, doing his own research, etc. I am still needing to give him direction but need to figure out just what that means...
He's also been asking me to "study" with him more frequently. I'm faced with the alarming realization however that without "study aids" (stifling gag reflex here) I am at a complete loss. I'll gather my wits and figure out a strategy in time, but for now.... it's so ironic... "studying" with them was always a battle of the wills (eldest kid is ADHD - we studied while he climbed up the curtains, mashed bananas into his brother's hair, found the nearest available object that could be used as a noise-creator and proceed to explore its tonal limits, pee five times......ten minutes or two paragraphs was a great accomplishment!!!)
I just relate very clearly to what you have said, ladybug, about being in a quandry about what to believe anymore?????? We will all find a way to feel more resolved about spirituality in time, of that I'm sure, but it would be so much more difficult without others to care enough to listen and offer such kind words of encouragement. Please may I add my sincere thank yous to all of you who read this.
lost, but not forgotten,
lauralisa