I love that guys stuff!!!!
He's in the Mike Meyers movie 'So I Married An Axe Murderer' and when flying his plane,the passenger who is very concerned he even has a clue he knows how to fly and who is asking him what different gauges are points to one and says, "ok, what does THAT one do???" Wright says, 'thats the artificial horizon....<pause>.... Its even better than the real one'.
Its a dark and stormy and the passenger asks him if he's ever done this before (fly), Wright says, 'Oh ya, all the time!.... ....then in a dead tone ' I've never done it at night'....
I know there is a video out there with some him doing standup and I've been trying to find a store that rents it....
boa......to Steven Wright
Makena1, I hate to say it, but not all your quotations are actually Steven Wright. I'm pretty sure #29 is H.L. Mencken and I know I've heard some of these long before Steven Wright began getting public attention.
Anyway, three of my favorites.
Wright describes a sandbox he had as a kid: "My parents filled it with quicksand. I was an only child -- eventually."
"I gave my brother gift wrap for Christmas. I had them wrap it in a different pattern so he'd know when to stop unwrapping."
"I bought some batteries but they weren't included, so I had to buy them again."
I was once walking alone in a forest and a tree fell right in front of me, and I didn't hear it.
I asked this guy if he knew what time it was and he said, "Y'mean now?"
I went to this covenience store but this guy was locking it up. I said, "Hey. It says 'open 24 hours'." He said, "Yeah, but not in a row."
My typewritter is so old, it types in pencil.
I came home one night and went to unlock my front door but, by accident, I stuck my car key in the lock instead, and my house started up. So I decided to drive around a bit. Pretty soon this cop pulled me over. He came up and asked me where I lived. I said, "Here."
Once I came home and I had the strangest feeling that someone had broken into my apartment, took everything I owned, and replaced it with an exact duplicate. I asked my roommate about it and he said, "Who are you?"
Anywhere is walking distance. If you've got the time.
I have one of the world's gretest seashell collections. I keep it spread out on beaches all over the world.
Woody Allen, but a favorite - Eternity is a long time, escpecially towards the end.