A womans tears

Maverick

This is really for the guys, but I know the woman here will have some great insights for us stupid men so I hope y-all will offer up your best.

When the woman I am with starts to tear up or cry I feel totally helpless and useless. This is one of the most dreaded situations I as a man can ever find myself in. My older brother, the retired police chief, would get angry if a woman started to cry when he was writing her a ticket, he felt it was an act.

I don't know if women do use crying as an act or a ploy but I will admit it just kills me to see my daughter or girlfriend teardrops, especially if I am the cause of their weeping.

Men how do you react and deal with a womans tear?

Ladies, how do you want people to react to your tears? And ladies, how do you feel about a mans crying? Mav

frenchbabyface

well ... not funny !!!

ok

Ladies, how do you want people to react to your tears?

I want him to stay honnest (even if its about a bad thing about me or him ) but nice, and if I can stay in his arms a little bit everything will be fine, I just need to cry when I'm over (then I'll handle it : I mean I don't need a solution right then, I just need understanding and respect)

And ladies, how do you feel about a mans crying?

(if it's not a vampire manipulation - like I'm gonna kill myself or something like that) I feel like to take him in my arms and listen to what he have to say ... and react to it honestly or not if it is not the moment ... and he might get a few kisses all over his face also

Xena

I just need to cry when I'm over (then I'll handle it : I mean I don't need a solution right then, I just need understanding and respect)

Amazing how many men just don't get that....just hold me and let me cry for a few minutes. Don't be mad at me....don't try to solve my problem...just hold me close and let me have a nice shoulder to cry on and strong arms around me.....then try to talk it over with me.

I don't like crying and will hold it in as long as I can. If I do cry it usually means I'm touched or hurt deeply or I have reached the end of my rope and need a release.

I would imagine men need the physical release of crying as much as women do, so why shouldn't they be allowed to avail themselves of it as well?

Sirona

Mav

It is a fact that from an early age girls learn how to manipulate men through the use of tears. However, not all tears from a woman are an attempt to manipulate, any self respecting woman would NEVER do that. I have never in my adult life cried in order to manipulate someone else into doing something. When I cry it is because I feel emotional upset.

You must realise that men are hard-wired to try and produce a solution to every problem. So when a woman cries, he frantically thinks that he has to provide some "cure" or solution. The woman usually doesn't want a "cure", so telling her to "stop crying" isn't going to work. She will cry for as long as she needs to, and in most cases no matter what you say. The WORST thing to do when a woman is crying is to tell her she is wrong for crying. Phrases like "dont be soft" or "pull yourself together" are the worst thing to say IMHO.

The best thing to do is listen and provide comfort (cuddle, whatever) and try to refrain from giving solutions all the time. When I share a problem I'm not always looking for someone to tell me what to do.

Of course if anyone makes someone else cry by what they say or do, they need to seriously think whether the person is simply too sensitive or whether they DID do something really hurtful. I find that men sometimes don't realise how hurtful their words sound.

When I see a man cry (on a fairly rare occasion that is) I think he is strong for being able to get in touch with the emotion and express it.

Sirona

frenchbabyface

Also ... to be precise if it is a vampire manipulation - like I'm gonna kill myself or something like that
Well he will get a SLAP ! (period)

reboot

Ladies, how do you want people to react to your tears?

Just a hug please. I don't need the problem 'fixing' I need support while im fixing it the best way for everyone involved.The tears are a coping mechanism when the stress become too much..then i can get up and continue with the problem.It's a time out, a release of pressure and a request for emotional support. A hug and a little conformation of love is all we need .It's been a very problem filled year for my friends and I so far..but our system of having a hug then being able to move forwards works..we don't try to fix the impossible because unless the parties involved are present its useless.but te cry and the support helps you carry on .

Sunnygal41

Mav, my friend Dean cannot stand it when I cry. It really tears his heart out and I feel worse to make him feel that way! LOL! I NEVER cry as an act. I'm not into game playing. My reactions and emotions are always for real. I know other women who do do that, tho. As a woman, when I cry, all I want is to be held. I've been hurt, and I need comforting. A couple of sweet kisses on the lips and cheek are nice too, and then, we HAVE to TALK ABOUT IT! LOL!

And, there is nothing so touching or tender as when I see a man cry, just because I know how hard it is for men to do it.

Terri

myauntfanny

It just about kills me to see anybody cry. I hardly ever cry but if I do, I don't want to be cuddled, I just want to be left alone to get on with it. But if someone tells me off for crying I will NEVER forgive them, nothing makes me angrier. I am rarely inclined to cry for purposes of manipulation, as it seems childish and dishonest and only pisses people off anyway. I did try it once with a bureaucrat in a difficult situation, and he was hard as rocks, told me to get a hold of myself. I guess I'm just not that cute when I cry.

If a man cries I find that very sad, and if an old man cries it's just heartbreaking. One thing I have learned about men is if they do cry (genuinely, not manipulatively), they really don't want you to crawl all over them with comfort. A slightly sympathetic look and a sock on the arm is plenty. Have I got that about right?

Nosferatu

It all depends on the reason the woman is crying. If she's going through a rough time with something (ie her job, her family members, anything personal), then I have no problem with a woman crying. She has the freedom to bawl her eyes out and soak the shoulder of my shirt.

Whenever a woman cries out of anger, that's when I pay no attention to her tears. If she's pissed off at me, yelling and crying, her tears won't affect me. In my opinion, crying is a side affect to women being angry.

Another thing that really gets me is when a woman is noticeably upset, I ask her what's wrong and she says, "nothing". What I do is just continue acting as if nothing's wrong. She'll spill her problem sooner or later.

Angharad

The tears are a coping mechanism when the stress become too much

Yes, and for me personally I tend to get upset if hurt by someone, but also sometimes if I'm really angry about something, the frustration just builds up and its a release - doesn't last long though and I can rationallydeal with what ever made me angry after.

I would never cry to manipulate and would be devestated if someone accused me of doing that.

If I'm upset I'd like understanding and letting me know that you care that I'm upset even if you don?t understand why !

Indifference or ridicule (comments like here come the water works) at showing emotion just makes things worse and feel like a lack of caring, which would probably cause more upset.

I prefer that men show emotion and talk about things, rather than bottling things up and going silent, which causes confusion and concern if we dont know what is wrong and want to help

A womans tears

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