Okay as most of you know, I received the 'Dear John' letter form my daughter. Below is her letter to me then my responce followed by an email from me to her and then her back to me. The email sounds so different from her original letter. Could it be she was having a bad week? Or just the influence of a new love who had been shunning his two brothers?
Thanks for any ideas...
Her original letter:
June 28, 2004
Dear Dad,
I?m writing to let you know how I feel, and some decisions I have made. I have felt this way a very long time, I have just chosen to ignore it and cover it over. But I feel I have to tell you because some things are going to have to change. So here it goes.
First of all, none of this is coming from mom, all of it is coming from me. Exactly how I feel, and think.
Although you are my father, we have chosen different paths. You have chosen the world, and not to live by Bible principles or standards. You disassociated yourself, and you chose what you wanted to do. You know enough about the Witnesses to know that I should treat you like a disfellowshipped person. Accept in your case it?s worse. Because disassociating yourself means you are not repentant and that you do not feel bad for the things you do, or have done in the past. The court papers said I had to see you until I was 18. I am no longer 18 and I feel that associating with you is a hinderence(sp) to my spirituality.
It really made me mad when I came up for a visit for a week. And you were asking me all kinds of questions to try and disillusion me, and to make me have doubts in my head. Then you were showing me articles about it. And even though you were letting me go to the meetings and go out in field service, you still tried to make it hard, by things you said. It really put me out when you did that, because it showed lack of respect. And truthfully you don?t want answers to your questions you ask, because you are not interested in the truth, or what teachings we have. So you cannot fully understand, or want to understand it. It is like trying to reason with a drunk person. Because you didn?t want to hear it. You are content with your lifestyle, and the things you have chosen. You like doing what you want to do. Which is why you are no longer a witness.
I would feel a lot better with my self if I didn?t associate with you. Because I should treat you like a disfellowshipped person. And truthfully I don?t want to visit you, and be around the lifestyle you try to have me live. I know you will truly be happy with me until I am out of the truth. And that will not happen. Because I love Jehovah, and I know that it is the truth. In the congregation there are problems, but everywhere you go there are problems, everyone is imperfect. But as a whole, Jehovah?s people are organized and have true Christian unity. You can go anywhere in the world and be taught the same exact thing that is going on all the way on the other side of the world. Where as other churches teach what ever they want. You can go to a Baptist church and be taught one thing, then go to one 30 minutes away and be taught another.
I went to the meeting a few months ago, and they read a scripture out of the Bible. I was wondering how I was going to tell you all this, and if it is the right thing for me to do, and they read the scripture, and it made me realize that I had to do this, for myself. Jesus said these words, ?Do you imagine I came to give peace on earth? No, indeed, I tell you, but rather division. For from now on there will be five in one house divided, three against two and two against three. They will be divided, father against son and son against father,?..? That is Luke 12:51-53, just incase you want to look at it. That scripture is very true. Because when only on family member serves Jehovah, and the other one doesn?t, then it causes problems. And to feel I am doing right, I need to sever ties. So basically until you start doing something about the truth, I don?t want to be around you, or talk to you. Because I don?t want to, nor do I need to. Everytime I would go visit you I would feel sick as it was nearing, and everytime I talk to you on the phone I feel terrible when I get off. I?m tired of feeling that way. And I?m tired of trying to make you happy. It wears me out.
I am also engaged to a Brother in Lufkin. I don?t want him to meet you, or talk to you because you are not good association. And I don?t think you should come to my wedding, because I do not want an apostate at my wedding. He also has an understanding about this, because he has 2 disfellowshipped brothers. So he knows how it feels. I knew you would say you wanted to meat him etc. when I told you I was interested in someone. So just didn?t tell you. I am sorry about this, but you made your decision. You chose one thing and I chose another. So this is the way it has to be. If by me saying this means sacrificing a car, and a trip to Scotland, oh well. I would rather be happy with myself and the decision I have made, and know Jehovah is happy about it, then to keep pretending. You brought this upon yourself, and for that I am sorry, because you cannot truly be happy with your life, unless you have Jehovah and the congregation backing you up. At least I never could be. So here is where we must part. If you wish to contact me, I would prefer you write me a letter, or an email, because I won?t be taking your phone calls.
Respectfully,
Signature
_____________________________________________________________________
My letter in responce:
My Dearest Anna,
To say your latter did not cut my heart would be a lie. Though as you have correctly stated, I was a Witness for longer than you have been alive, so your letter was not a total surprise. I knew as you were pioneering, at the very least the elders or family would counsel you about having a relationship with your father. As I am very disappointed that I have lost my little girl, I do understand the workings of the Jehovah?s Witnesses.
I have always told you I would never judge you (Matt. 7:1-2), and I will not start today. I do hope you and your fiancé are joyful. And if you two continue on to become a married couple, I hope you find nothing but happiness. Please let us know when you are married; we would like to send you a wedding gift.
Please know I love you so much, and have always been so proud of you. Your happiness is all I hope for you. And believe me, I have never been as happy as I am now. I have a wonderful loving relationship with a fantastic mate, and I wish the same for you.
Both my heart and door will always be open for you. Also, if you come into bad health, please let me know. Thank you for allowing me to send a note every now and then; I will.
Love always and forever,
Your father,
_______________________________________________________________________
Then my email:
Hello Anna,
I assume you have received my letter by now. I neglected to mention two things:
If you recall, we called you last May while in France and you said you would like us to pick up a chapeau for you. Well we did. Can we mail it to you?
Also, last time you were here, you asked for several of my pictures. If you recall there was one I told you I needed to be returned. Could you please send that one back to me?
Thanks, and I hope you are well.
Love Dad.
____________________________________________________________
Then finally her reponce today: hey, yes, i recieved your letter. and you can send the hat. and i will send the pic. back to you as well. which one was it? i can't recall off of the top of my head, so if you remember tell me. but i will look through them, and maybe something will click. so e-mail me back to tell me which one it is. and about you saying that the brothers, or family members counceling me, that is very false. none of the brothers have even said anything about it to me ever before. and no one in my family has ever said anything either. not even mom. it was all my decision. and had nothing to do with anyone else. but anyways, i will try to get the pic. in the mail by monday. so try to e-mail me back before then on which pic. it is. bye love, anna