How Good is Marriage for Your Mental Health? (page 4)

jwbot

Little Toe, I am not sure how you can disagree with me, when I agree about the partnerships comment you made. And it going the other way...that is rare. This is a patriarcal society, and people still believe men to be the "head of the household". For those that truly believe their marriage is an equal partnership and practice such, they probably have a happy marriage.

And of course what I said is not limited to JW's but since I am only 22 and I spent the first 18 years of my life in the religion...that is pretty much my only experience. In fact, most "worldly" people I know, my friends, etc who are married, seem happy...with the exception of a couple abused people but that is not an equal partnership.

But if you "jumped at me" and I missed it, sorry :(

Sirona

jwbot

think serona mentions that it brings you to another level. To tell you the truth, Mike and I love each other and are as commited to each other just as much and a lisence will not matter. I see the wedding as a really nice party, a celebration of that love, nothing more or less. Although it will be nice when I can finally have health and dental because I have a wire in my teeth that should have been out years ago... ;)

I didn't use the words another level, I said I changes something. We didn't marry to promise to always be together, because we were already committed before the marriage. Marriage is something which declares that commitment publicly and a couple decides if they want to do that or not. Also it provides certain legal benefits (though admittedly less than in previous years because now laws protect cohabiting couples more.)

In addition to the two things I mentioned above, I really do believe that despite advances in attitude regarding married / non-married couples, there is still a social function of marriage which I think is important. Since I got married 8 weeks ago, I have certainly felt a change amongst family and friends and I suspect that this is largely due to their subconscious reaction to our marriage. Like it or not, people still tend to view married couples as more committed than non-married cohabiting couples. That isn't a reason to marry, but it is a social situation which affects things and can't be ignored.

If you ask me, I'd like to see equal legal protection and equal respect for non-married long term cohabiting couples, (at the risk of going off topic, I'll also say they should have this respect if they are straight or gay.)

Sirona

Golf

JWBOT, I wish all the best. My wife will have been married 42 years next month. Excuse me, we. I guess I must like being institutionalized. Again, all the best.

Guest 77

frenchbabyface

Well anyway.

JWBOT : I see the wedding as a really nice party, a celebration of that love, nothing more or less

yeah that is all what it is ... (and that would be my only reason)

LittleToe

Jwbot:

But if you "jumped at me" and I missed it, sorry :(

Not as sorry as me

I just question that marriage benefits guys more than gals, and any statistics/life expectancies surrounding the whole marital issue. I guess I question how they work these things out in a "scientific" manner, beyond the use of Jojo's Joystick

Sirona:

at the risk of going off topic, I'll also say they should have this respect if they are straight or gay

I don't believe this is off-topic at all, though it has been discussed in other threads.

I wonder what stats (if any) they have for same-gender partnerships, regarding happiness/longevity/etc.?

frenchbabyface

and that is also why I don't understand why people are crying against Gay marriage

frenchbabyface

Also I'm not sure that today (in western countries) that women are more or less victimes (lots of changes sinces the old days). It stays an individual matter

Also to talk about the subject we can't forget about : when did you become a victim, and who was the victime (maybe both) before and after the marriage ? So who's paying who's bill ?

Maybe it was hell for her/him and she/he made sure that it became hell for you (mean personnality - mean respons most of the time ... It's just human).

Again it stays an individual matter, but nobody have the right to cry about being screwed if he screwed first. That doesn't mean that I'm thinking that those who talked about the subject are BAB ... I just don't know your story for real ... and again every story are different.

jwbot

Little Toe: I think what I have said applies less and less in todays society esp. in this and European countries where marriage is not seen as a property thing. In addition, men are becomming more and more to be seen as needing to share the responsibilities when it comes to children. For instance, stay-at-home dads are more accepted, and the woman having a career is more accepted.

Sirona: If by being married you get more respect or something changes with your family..that is their issue. It does not mean that marriage made your relationship better. When I marry Mike, my parents will finally talk to me. But I do not feel my relationship with Mike should be any less valid to them...it is their problem and traditional values getting in the way of logic.

Evesapple

French: I don't think that marriage inevitably leads to forgetting about oneself. I think that that depends upon the person. If you have respect in a marriage and pride in yourself, then you'll always be in a position to have your own dreams and live them, with the support of your partner. That is one of the strongest things about my marriage, I believe; I can pursue any dream and get support from my husband and likewise so can he (as long as the overall goal isn't going to affect us as a couple / family in a bad way) Sirona

I agree, I am on my 2nd marriage...after my 1st, I vowed I would never marry again...the very idea of it made my skin crawl. I had 2 relationships after my divorce, and my stomach always turned when I felt it getting to that serious point. A little gun shy yes, it's all based on your past experience, so I can fully understand the natural disdain everyone has towards marriage. However, I had to let a lot of that fear and distrust go...I met a wonderful guy, we respect each other, applaud one anothers accomplishments, encourage one another, support one another. I'm a stay at home mom now, and I'm still encouraged to fulfill my dreams and to do what I enjoy. Just recently I completed a 100 mile bike ride in Tahoe, my hubby took 2 days off from work and watched our 12 month old son for the entire time I was away. I've grown a lot in this relationship and have learned to let go of a lot of bad baggage. Oh...I surely enjoyed my single life, there are days when I look back at those years fondly, but I wouldn't trade what I have now.

Sirona: If by being married you get more respect or something changes with your family..that is their issue. It does not mean that marriage made your relationship better. When I marry Mike, my parents will finally talk to me. But I do not feel my relationship with Mike should be any less valid to them...it is their problem and traditional values getting in the way of logic

Absolutely!

Sirona

jwbot

I don't think you got the point of what I said, somehow.

Sirona: If by being married you get more respect or something changes with your family..that is their issue.

I agree. I was simply pointing out that there are social norms which affect us, sometimes unconsciously.

It does not mean that marriage made your relationship better.

Again, I agree. I didn't say marriage made the relationship better.

When I marry Mike, my parents will finally talk to me. But I do not feel my relationship with Mike should be any less valid to them...it is their problem and traditional values getting in the way of logic.

At the end of my post I said the same thing, that married or non-married we all deserve the same respect.

Sirona

How Good is Marriage for Your Mental Health?

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