How Good is Marriage for Your Mental Health? (page 3)

Sirona

Hi

I think we're in agreement then frenchbabyface.

I agree that the actual marriage in legal terms is a piece of paper. However I do also think that something changes when you make that level of commitment.

Sirona

Mac

It's a piece of paper that is no longer necessary in my life. And long after that is totally realized and enjoyed and championed in a relationship I'd probably do the ceremonial and the family bonding party part -"just cuz it would be an awesome party"
XW of the "it's all in the heart" class

Come again? mac

Surely the bottom line depends on the individuals concerned?
If the indiviuals involved are emotionally immature, the outlook generally isn't too rosy.
Regardless of the number of relationships a person has, some just never "get it".

Since I view "partnerships" (whether open or closed) as marriage without the paper, I guess I have to disagree with what JWBot says, barring her eminently sensible comments about it being slightly easier to leave abusive relationships (though that isn't a given, either).

Two things spring to mind, thus far in the thread:

Sherry quoted: Men probably fare better after many relationships because they tend to have more money, she suggests, while women whose marriages have dissolved often have to cope with the added responsibility of raising children.

WTF?
Have they counted alimony/maintenance in that, and if kids are involved Child Support??
I've seen guys close to committing suicide because of obligations that they can't meet.

Jojo said: I am curious how one measures someone to be more or less happy than someone else? Do we have a joy stick somewhere I was unaware of...because I think I might be a quart low.

I have to agree. How do they measure this stuff??
I also have to confess that my mind was in the gutter when I read this, too. I'm with Mac on this one, Gumby-be-damned!

Golf

JWbot, a golfing buddy told me yesterday that he's finally getting married to a young lady that he's been shacking up with, and I asked him, " why ruin a good relationship?"

In the long run, men do have the advantage. I'm not proud to admit it. This is an interesting thread and it should be getting tons of comments, then again I'm guessing ain't I?

Guest 77

Sirona

Golf

and I asked him, " why ruin a good relationship?"

You know it used to really annoy me when we were getting married, the number of guys who said that to my husband. It appears to be a hint that women turn into ogres when they get married.

Sirona

Gretchen956

I have, believe it or not, been married twice (to men). However, I read the article, thought it was interesting and thought it might be interesting to talk about. I definately was not making an opinion either way by posting it. Especially given the fact that I can't marry my partner.

Sherry

bull01lay

I've had a read through this thread, and think that there are some very one sided opinions expressed..

Thanks to Sirona - a lady who thought a bit more about her comments and mentioned the generation difference, and also that things would probably show 50 - 50, maybe even more biased towards women in todays society.

From my own experiences:

1) Divorced once, took ALL debts from marriage to allow my ex wife a clean start, left her with EVERYTHING apart from my clothes and car (she couldn't drive anyway - and she did try to demand it back!!!). She definitely benefitted financially; I think emotionally I was better off.

2) Seperated after long term relationship (mutual decision), anything that I wanted to take I replaced with another similar item to make sure my ex and daughter weren't losing out. Then had 2 1/2 year access battle to see my daughter, purely due to bitterness and jealousy of my ex partner and her lies. Had to endure supervised visits, psychological evaluations (my daughter too!), and many court visits. I had a mental breakdown, and it cost me many thousands in solicitors fees in the process. She was on legal aid. Hmm, lost out emotionally and financially there, I think!!

It would be easy for me to make the same sweeping generalisations and say that women are the sole beneficiary of marriages / long term relationships, as a result of my experiences, but I won't, because I don't want to offend the women that work damned hard at their marriages.

Bull!

Country Girl

Marriage is an institution. I prefer being institutionalized.

Country Gilr

jwbot

hehe I am surprised no one jumped at me, this is great!

Well like I said, things are changing and becomming more equal, so that helps things. I have noticed that a more egalitarian relationship, whether you have that marriage lisence or not, is a more happy one.

I never understood why women in the congregation would want to go from living with their parents and being treated like a child...to being treated like a child by a man.

I think serona mentions that it brings you to another level. To tell you the truth, Mike and I love each other and are as commited to each other just as much and a lisence will not matter. I see the wedding as a really nice party, a celebration of that love, nothing more or less. Although it will be nice when I can finally have health and dental because I have a wire in my teeth that should have been out years ago... ;)

LittleToe

Sherry:
Who were you addressing that to?
Personally I think this is a great thread.

Jwbot:
???

LT Wrote: Since I view "partnerships" (whether open or closed) as marriage without the paper, I guess I have to disagree with what JWBot says, barring her eminently sensible comments about it being slightly easier to leave abusive relationships (though that isn't a given, either).

Further:

I never understood why women in the congregation would want to go from living with their parents and being treated like a child...to being treated like a child by a man.

That cuts both ways, too. I've seen all too many men replace their mother with a wife...
And to balance it, I have to suggest that this situation isn't limited to JW's. Not everyone sets up on their own before getting into a relationship.

How Good is Marriage for Your Mental Health?

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