I got some help from someone on the board in composing a letter to my parents, but I am presenting a letter I wrote just now to my sister Johnna. She has probably been the most rabid in shunning me. She is also one that I felt very close to. Well here it is and I would like some thoughts on it.
Dear Johnna,
I am not exactly sure why I am writing this, but I have a couple ideas. Do I expect it to change your mind? Not really, but I have my hopes. It does give me a chance to get all my thoughts out though and I hope you can appreciate that. Bear with me though, as I was never a good as writer as you, so I hope you can look past any grammatical errors and not take them as a character flaw.
I hope this letter finds you well. I get snippets here and there from mom about how you are doing. I am glad you finally found a job you love, that makes me really happy. As for me, I am doing great. I have 1 more year in the New Media program and I hope to get a good job as either an art director or in web development, and perhaps go part time through a masters degree program. I saw a job opening at Down East magazine that had my name all over it, I was perfectly qualified for an art director there?but I did not have my BS degree yet?I also got a Border Collie puppy named Twobit (she is black and white and two bits is two colors in computer terms). She gives me a lot of reason to continue on. I train her every day, groom her, we will be taking obedience and agility classes, she is just the most lovable animal anyone could ask for. When ever I am sad, she knows it, and that?s when she will try to lick my face and cuddle more, I think animals are better at that than humans are sometimes, at empathy and sensing someone?s emotions.
You should probably know that I have found my soul mate. His name is Mike, and he is not only my life partner but my best friend. I would not have made it through everything that is going on my family without him. I hope you realize that I would not have gone through everything like this if I did not care so much about him. We are going to get married next year. I also want you to know that he takes good care of me especially on an emotional level and at this point in my life, I know myself enough to be comfortable with who I am and to never except anything less than what I deserve. The few conversations I have with mother, she tries to persuade me to elope, I am assuming so she can talk to me without the guilt of thinking she is letting up on me or whatever her reasoning is. Mike and I came to the decision that is not right for us and not fair to our relationship and feel it is a bad way to start a marriage. It was a very hard decision though and I want you to know that I want more than anything to have my family back, but I realize that after all is said and done, it will never be the same from this point on, and I am only beginning to realize that. We feel that we are as committed to each other as any married couple could possibly be. We have actually been through a lot together than I have ever been through in my life. I used to feel that I needed to justify our relationship, and I still do feel that a little, but not so much. People who can not see our love either do not know us well enough or they do not care to.
Because of all this, I have bonded to Mikes family. His mother, step-father, grand parents, his wonderful aunts and uncles?they accept me and do not judge me. Mike has a little sister who is 3 years old. She is one of the cutest and smartest little girls I have ever met. I gave her a computer and she already knows how to use it. These are all people that support Mike and I, and this is what I have to lean on and that is what keeps me going.
I am not sure if you remember this, but when you were disfellowshipped, you and I were sitting in mom and dads kitchen. You were silent, broken, and I told you that I would talk to you and that you can call me any time and that I would always talk to you. You never did but I can only assume that was to punish yourself, something I felt that you should have never gone through.
I am not sure what else to add, but I know your feelings (even if I do not understand them) that you will probably have to wait till I am married for you to talk to me again, and I will be waiting for that moment with open arms.
Love,
Jessie