Strange Exodus - Twelfth & Final Installment

by Frannie Banannie 35 Replies latest jw experiences

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  Frannie Banannie

  I didn't comment on your previous installments because I was eagerly waiting for the last one -- which was, believe it or not, exactly what I hoped and expected.

  Over 10 years ago I met with an xJW lady who attended a conference I made near Paris about JWs (I was frequently asked for this kind of talk back then, i.e. a few years after I was df'd). She was in and out of a psychiatric hospital. Her talk was a fantastic patchwork of the NWT (only I could notice that). It implied visions and dreams, including revelations that she was Jehovah's Wife, with a notable experience featuring a tree and an obvious phallic symbol. What could be termed in an "objective" clinical way a mystical and sexual delirium.

  I remember wondering, while listening to her, why my own "mystical" experience which led me out of the WT didn't lead me to a psychic condition like hers. I had no answer, and still haven't.

  Those who never were attracted to a similar "mystical" experience or shyed away from it cannot understand. Neither can those who get stuck in such an experience. You made your way through and out of it. You are a great lady indeed.

  Take care and enjoy your fully human freedom,

  Ohhhhh, Narkissos....THANK you, cher! To me, this means my point wasn't entirely lost in the telling of it....I guess only someone else who's seen and heard the things I've seen and heard or something parallel to it (according to what they know) would understand what it means. More tomorrow on this....I've gotta scoot off to work now.

  Frannie B
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  Double Edge

  perhaps you missed what I wrote about this board and its posters in my 11th Installment? (C&P'd below)

  Thanks again ... I DO remember reading that.
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  Sunspot

  Well, Dear Frannie,

  I feel that now I can exhale as I have finished your final installment! I've been sitting on the edge of my seat since I began chapter one! The fact that others saw these transformations when they happened----was a hard one to figure out--if you had been undergoing a "mental" rather than physical occurrence. I'm still puzzled, and can offer no opinion or judgements on all these strange happenings. I am neither qualified nor in any position to try and make sense of these things.

  All I CAN say is that I am happy for you that you have "let it go" in pursuit of a more balanced life, and stopped trying to make sense out of the seemingly absurd. If it turns out to have had a real purpose for you, it will BE. But as you said---no sense in knocking yourself out trying to figure how these things "fit together" or if they had any true meaning. The scriptures are meant to be a guidebook and the symbolism can drive a person nuts trying to decipher what's what.

  You are a terrific, warm-hearted, loving and wonderfully funny person who does no harm to anyone---and the bible's message of "love" has definetely been made clear in your dealings with others. I am delighted to count you as my friend.

  We appreciate your willingness to take the time and extraordinary effort to share this all with us......

  love and hugs always,

  Annie
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  Country Girl

  An addiction is an obsession and compulsion, I believe. It seems as if you were so caught up with the scriptures that it became literally alive to you, even to the point that it began to take on a life of its own: lurking about like a shadow in the daylight which only you could see, but which had no discernible source. Perhaps your mind took to it like a duck to water because of the harsh reality of your "real" life, and boxing out the sharp, jagged, edges of reality with softer visions, hallucinations, signs, and beliefs. It elevated you, in your mind, from a homeless, hopeless person that has lost her religion, to a life of special meaning. I don't know, just a guess... But yes, you were definitely mislead by *whatever* source, and I am glad you are free and clear of the intrusion of visions, thoughts, smells, sights, and sounds.

  As far as two individuals sharing a vision, or idea, at the same time, here is what is said about the phenomenon Folie a Deux:

  Shared Psychotic Disorder (Folie a Deux) involves the transference of a delusion from one, who already has a psychotic disorder (the primary case), to others who are involved in a close relationship with the delusional person (DSM-IV, 305). Usually the primary case in Shared Psychotic Disorder is dominant in the relationship and gradually imposes the delusional system on the more passive and initially healthy second person(s).

  Just an intruiguing possibility, I suppose.

  I have thoroughly enjoyed reading your story, and am glad that you shared such intimate details with us, and that you have finally found a place of inner health and strength. Now... you're a good kinda nuts.. as I've always said. <smoooooooooch>

  Country Girl
• 

  Frannie Banannie

  I feel that now I can exhale as I have finished your final installment! I've been sitting on the edge of my seat since I began chapter one! The fact that others saw these transformations when they happened----was a hard one to figure out--if you had been undergoing a "mental" rather than physical occurrence. I'm still puzzled, and can offer no opinion or judgements on all these strange happenings. I am neither qualified nor in any position to try and make sense of these things.

  I don't really feel qualified either, Annie, but it was "handed" to me, so I've tried....whether I've succeeded or not remains to be seen, eh? Yes, it does give me "pause" that both my daughter and my son witnessed a few things and called them to my attention when I hadn't seen them...especially when they weren't actually involved in what was going on with me....not nearly to the extent that I was.

  All I CAN say is that I am happy for you that you have "let it go" in pursuit of a more balanced life, and stopped trying to make sense out of the seemingly absurd. If it turns out to have had a real purpose for you, it will BE. But as you said---no sense in knocking yourself out trying to figure how these things "fit together" or if they had any true meaning. The scriptures are meant to be a guidebook and the symbolism can drive a person nuts trying to decipher what's what.

  A big AMEN to that, Annie! LOL! I don't really believe that any human is qualified...that's someone else's business, eh?

  You are a terrific, warm-hearted, loving and wonderfully funny person who does no harm to anyone---and the bible's message of "love" has definetely been made clear in your dealings with others. I am delighted to count you as my friend.

  We appreciate your willingness to take the time and extraordinary effort to share this all with us......

  Thanks, Annie...I just muddle along, flyin' by the seat of my pants...as usual....I wondered if anyone would realize just how much gumption it took for me to bare these things, seein' as how negatively the majority views this sort of thing....and you have....thank you, cher.

  Hugs,

  Frannie B
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  Frannie Banannie

  An addiction is an obsession and compulsion, I believe. It seems as if you were so caught up with the scriptures that it became literally alive to you, even to the point that it began to take on a life of its own: lurking about like a shadow in the daylight which only you could see, but which had no discernible source. Perhaps your mind took to it like a duck to water because of the harsh reality of your "real" life, and boxing out the sharp, jagged, edges of reality with softer visions, hallucinations, signs, and beliefs. It elevated you, in your mind, from a homeless, hopeless person that has lost her religion, to a life of special meaning. I don't know, just a guess... But yes, you were definitely mislead by *whatever* source, and I am glad you are free and clear of the intrusion of visions, thoughts, smells, sights, and sounds.

  As far as two individuals sharing a vision, or idea, at the same time, here is what is said about the phenomenon Folie a Deux:

  Shared Psychotic Disorder (Folie a Deux) involves the transference of a delusion from one, who already has a psychotic disorder (the primary case), to others who are involved in a close relationship with the delusional person (DSM-IV, 305). Usually the primary case in Shared Psychotic Disorder is dominant in the relationship and gradually imposes the delusional system on the more passive and initially healthy second person(s).

  Just an intruiguing possibility, I suppose.

  Yes, (((CG)))...that's the standing opinion from a psych point of view, which, of course, is the safer one.......but it begs the questions as to why the scriptures validate this activity with "the word of God is ALIVE and exerts power....." and in regard to my children seeing things I did not see or before I saw them when they weren't even minimally involved in what was "going on" around me, but were involved in their own interests, which weren't scriptural....and what about the people that came to me and showed me things or brought me things that "connected" to these events and occurrences? Coincidences? ALL of them?

  But you're right, CG...it IS intriguing.

  Hugs,

  Frannie B
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  vitty

  What struck me was that the org Dfs you when you where obviously having problems, and the one`s that did give you help was the salvation army and ywca, doesn`t that show who the real christians where.

  Now if you had been a bible study think of all the hours they could have counted helping you.

  In fact I know quite a few who count hours when they take others for hospital appointments and even food shopping, stating that they are encouraging them even if they are baptised. Has anyone else seen this.
• 

  Frannie Banannie

  Her talk was a fantastic patchwork of the NWT (only I could notice that). It implied visions and dreams, including revelations that she was Jehovah's Wife, with a notable experience featuring a tree and an obvious phallic symbol. What could be termed in an "objective" clinical way a mystical and sexual delirium.

  I remember wondering, while listening to her, why my own "mystical" experience which led me out of the WT didn't lead me to a psychic condition like hers. I had no answer, and still haven't.

  Those who never were attracted to a similar "mystical" experience or shyed away from it cannot understand. Neither can those who get stuck in such an experience. You made your way through and out of it. You are a great lady indeed.

  Narkissos, I didn't have time to address these issues yesterday evening as I was needing to get ready for work, but what you noticed about the woman's experiences is right on target.....for very good reasons.....I don't wanna go into it here, but PM me if you're interested in sharing the details of your own experiences.

  I think the answer to your question about why your own experience didn't lead you to a condition like hers could be that you weren't as overwhelmed nor involved with the scriptures, not as "drunk" with them as she was....nor as myself, for that matter....and also because I think the remedial therapy takes place according to the individual person's persona and needs, yanno? I wonder if she ever came to an understanding of those experiences. Did you find out?

  I'm sure you're right, Narkissos, about those who cannot understand this. That's what psychiatry is mostly about, idnit?

  Thanks, Narkissos....yes, I did...and am very relieved to leave it in the hands of the one whose business it is, eh?

  Frannie B
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  Frannie Banannie

  What struck me was that the org Dfs you when you where obviously having problems, and the one`s that did give you help was the salvation army and ywca, doesn`t that show who the real christians where.

  Now if you had been a bible study think of all the hours they could have counted helping you.

  In fact I know quite a few who count hours when they take others for hospital appointments and even food shopping, stating that they are encouraging them even if they are baptised. Has anyone else seen this.

  Yes, Vittvin...it would appear to be so....since it was "worldly" orgs that reached out and helped, dudnit? Even the Catholic Church does charity work that the witnesses refuse to "dirty" their hands doing.

  I've seen it, Vittvin...but it's rare....and only on an individual basis....I've even seen elders discourage this sort of thing, while saying that the person in need is "emotionally labile" or just plain "cuckoo."

  Frannie B
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  little witch

  Frannie,

  Don't feel that your main point was lost, it isn't at all. It is just complex I think. And of course, if you ask 50 people for an opinion, you will get 50 different answers,

  I spoke to my family about your posts (up to the 11th installment) and we began to talk about some strange things that happened regarding "visions" my hubby and daughter had whilst we were going to church (baptist).

  I remember one night, my daughter waking me up hysterical, saying she saw a "man with a knife" looking over me while I slept. She was inconsolable...

  My hubby saw strange things also over the course of our church goings, both nightmarish, and strangly comforting. (dreams of entering heaven, etc).

  They swear they happened, and the experiences are very real to them, though they seem strange and unreal to me.

  Religion demands a total commitment on the part of the member. In the jw religion, this is amplified due to the emphasis put on members to depend entirely on the fds interpretation since god is using only them. You are constantly reminded to heed all information given because "jehovah is using his channel". They call this "food at the proper time" because the primal value of food is life sustaining....you cannot live without eating....you cannot live without food from hover.

  This becomes the lifeline to someone who believes the jw dogma. It is no wonder that you held on for dear life, especially after you were rejected. You still hung on and didnt wanna "starve to death". So the bible became your foodsource, only you had to make your own interpretations.

  The wt has printed that if one were to not use their lit for a few months, that one would "revert to apostacy" ie, you would not see things the same as the group. I think that may be what happened to you. You began to see all the differences between what the bible says, and what the tower says, and I think it was life altering and destabilizing.

  In short, you went through deprogramming, without aid of others. All by yourself and without any support system. That is traumatic on any level.Bolstering my opinion is that you seem to be balanced out now. Funny how something so simple as a permanant roof over our heads can make us secure ( I am thinking of your housing crises over the years). Also, facing all those hard times alone with nobody in the world to help....my heart breaks for what you went through....

  Since the first day you arrived on jwd, I have admired you. I felt you were so strong and you just stood out to me as lovable and centered. After reading your life story, I know that I was right in my assessment.