Should you change yourself for the person you are with?

by Sirius Dogma 42 Replies latest social relationships

  • codeblue


    The reason you are attracted to someone is because of the qualities they have. If, later on, you become aware of some quality that you weren't aware of in the initial dating stage, you need to make a decision whether you can "handle" that trait or not. IF you can' need to find a person more compatible.

    For that reason, I wouldn't change myself to please another person!!!


  • Billygoat

    I know I've changed for Mozzer when we started dating. I hope I change more. He is the first man in my life that makes me WANT to be a better person. I find things daily that I want to change - but it's always for the better. I am kinder, more compassionate, smarter because of having him in my life. I'm thankful for it!

  • frankiespeakin
    Should you change yourself for the person you are with?

    I think we all change to a degree, the question is how much is too much.

    Being adaptable and changing to meet certain situations is a good thing. Unchanging and rigidity is stagnation,, which to me is just as bad as changing yourself, to the extent of losing your own identity.

    Flexibility, adaptablity, if done for good reasons are OK. But if you have to make lots of changes that squash your dominate true nature, that has to be very depressing and not worth it.

  • jaredg

    i guess it depends if it's a change that you view as positive. for example if i smoked cigs and wanted to quit and then i meet this girl who doesn't like smokers than i would probably change....i was planning on quiting anyway right??

  • Sirius Dogma
    Sirius Dogma

    It is good advice from all. This was more a reflection for me, not a current situation. I had tried to change myself to be something I was not, besides leaving the toilet seat down. In the end it didn't work because I didn't feel like myself, know who I was or like what I had become very much. So many people talk about how you should change for the one you love and many women expect some change, perhaps like so many other things I took it too far.

    It was more difficult because I completely loved the person I was with, but I was not 100% right for her. Next time I will remember this lesson, just because someone is right for you, does not make you right for them.


  • GentlyFeral
    I guess it depends on what kind of change.

    Stefanie gets to be the authority on this thread, I think. I was just going to suggest an analogy: consider the difference between cutting your nails and stabbing yourself. Or Jefferson's analogy, "My right to swing my arms stops at the end of your nose." A change that would make the other person's life better without making your own worse is a gift, a courtesy. A change that gives the other person control over you while making you miserable is a crime against yourself. GentlyFeral

  • Crazy151drinker

    Only if what you are planning to change is a negative thing such as drug use etc..etc..

    If its YOU as in personality or things you like- F that.

  • ballistic

    Seeing as the only person I am with is me, yes you should change yourself for the person you are with.

  • Bryan

    NO! If you don't like who I am... you should move on.


  • RR

    We all did for Jehovah's Organization, what you talkin' 'bout!?

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