(Taken from: http://news.bbc.co.uk/sport1/hi/funny_old_game/3914531.stm)
1. A PRETTY LONDON GIRL INVITES YOU UP THE APPLES AND PEARS WHAT DO YOU DO?
A) Immediately accept - it's the best offer you've had in ages
B) Call the cops
C) Politely decline - you never eat fruit before a big race
2. YOU TURN ON THE TV AND SEE JACK AND VERA HAVING A SLANGING MATCH, WHAT ARE YOU WATCHING?
A) Coronation Street
B) Prime Minister's Question Time
C) Wildlife on One
3. YOU ARE IN MANCHESTER AND YOU SEE THE SUN COME OUT - WHAT ARE YOUR FIRST THOUGHTS?
A) Get yourself down to the doctors - you're obviously seeing things
B) Get out your bucket and spade and wander down to the beach. This is a seaside resort, isn't it?
C) Assume it is a perfectly normal occurence
4. SOMEONE INVITES YOU TO A GARETH GATES CONCERT - WHAT SHOULD YOU TAKE?
A) Ear plugs
B) A keen interest
C) An overdose
5. SOMEONE NEARBY DECLARES: "I AM A CIDER DRINKER", WHERE ARE YOU?
A) In Somerset
B) Having tea with the Queen
C) In a right old state
6. HER MAJESTY TAPS YOU ON THE HEAD WITH A BIG SWORD - WHAT DO YOU DO?
A) Thank her very much and take a bow
B) Pull out a piece and blow her goddam head off
C) Pick up your head and calmly walk away
Congratulations - you have finished the quiz! If you answered mostly a) you are a true Brit. You drink 20 cups of tea a day, enjoy fish and chips, haggis and Yorkshire pudding and love moaning about the weather.
If you answered mostly b), chances are you're a Yankee doodle dandy who calls his dad "sir" and wears caps with his suits. And unless you have a realisitic chance of winning a medal for Britain, stay the hell away!
If you answered mostly c) you are obviously in need of serious help, although your answer to the Gareth Gates question was perfectly acceptable.