by NKyGuy 35 Replies latest jw experiences
You can do it, you just can't do it without pissing her off....Sorry.
The best so far !
Just to add, an old elder friend of mine said "you can say anything to anyone as long as you say it with a smile on your face"
It won't be easy but it has to be done............some time. The longer you take, the worse it gets
Does your wife understand why you don't want to go? Do you understand why you don't want to go?
It may not be easy, but you're gonna have to tell her the things that have caused you to question the religion. Is it faulty doctrine/prophesy? Is the JW lifestyle too restrictive? Is it just plain boring and dumb? You need to be able to thoughtfully, tactfully and slowly explain the whys and hows to her. She'll probably still get defensive about the "truth" and claim that you're just not "thankful for what Jehovah has provided...blah...blah...blah", but you have to be able to intelligently defend your position and what you know is true. To just keep quiet and hope she doesn't "make" you go is not fair to anyone.
It's hard, I know. I've been there, I'm still there. I get the guilt trips, the speeches, etc. She just hasn't opened her mind up enough to see what's going on, but I hope one day that the right trigger will open the flood gates and she'll see what I was trying to tell her all along.
On the flip side, what's so bad about an occasional meeting or convention? Granted, I could never step foot in a JW meeting of any kind and be perfectly happy for the rest of my life, but at the same time, I refuse to run scared. If the occasion comes up where my presence is required for whatever reason to go to a KH(remembering that I have lots of family still in) I'll go. I'll go with my head held high and be friendly and nice to all that are that way to me. I'll use it as a social occasion to visit old friends and then zone out during the religious part of it. Conventions are a waste of time but if it keeps peace in the family, it's sometime better to go. But it's great to wander around during the sessions, glaring at the little MSs with their "please be seated" signs. Checking out the hotties is a good way to spend the song and prayer time. Everybody else is busy, so it's easy to let your eyes wander around and not get caught by the missus. Hell, If your brave enough, take a book to read. I recommend "The DaVinci Code".
Have one of your buddies "steal" your car the night before you have to go. It will take the cops a day or two to find it and then you wont have to go. Too easy.
C151D : Have one of your buddies "steal" your car the night before you have to go. It will take the cops a day or two to find it and then you wont have to go. Too easy.Well that's sneaky but HELL ... she needs the car and she will want you to take care of the issue ... still she will think that SATAN is in the way
Well the question is do you want your marriage to stay intact???? Do you want your wife to view you with fear???? If you don't care one way or another tell her how you feel.
If you want your marriage to continue on the level it has been for a while, and don't want her to view you with fear then just tell her you won't be attending the convention with her and she will need to make what ever arrangements she needs too to go. Give no explaination as to why only that you will not be going. Leave it at that.
You've a rough road to handle. Do you have some family you can visit you haven't seen in along time that will keep your wife from thinking your having an affair? If you have neglected worldly family for a while this would be the time to visit them.
I have heard of husbands traveling with their wife and kids but not attending conventions, then going to visit family in the convention city if they had any. Also heard of husband staying in the motel room watching TV while wife and kids went to convention.
Good luck, that is tough. I am so glad me and my kids are out of that.
Balsam
Blondie's WT reviews started when she was bored at the meetings, and she began to pick it all apart. So, apparently something good can come out of them.
If you did go... and I hope you can find a way out... bring something interesting to read or do, like jgnat suggests.
Oh, and perhaps you could give a secret thumbs-up to the protesters who might be there.
bebu
Good luck!!
I have heard of husbands traveling with their wife and kids but not attending conventions, then going to visit family in the convention city if they had any. Also heard of husband staying in the motel room watching TV while wife and kids went to convention.
I've known people who've done that. As husband and father but not a JW, they still felt that they needed to travel with their family to the convention city. They didn't attend the sessions but found other things to do, but at night took their family to dinner and even arranged to stay a couple of days extrs to visit some of the sites the area had to offer.
Thanks all for the kind advice, and the welcome.
It was about 5 years ago (maybe a bit more now) that I first started to do more research on the WatchTower Society. At the time I was a Ministerial Servant on my way to being an elder. Hehe, that all changed after I missed about a months worth of meetings in a row and an elder or two knocked on our door.
She knows that I have problems with doctrine.
I try to be supportive, and as I have not DA or been DF I allow her to take the kids to the meetings with her as well. I even go so far as to attend the Memorial, but there is a huge difference between 2 hours and a 3 day convention. I even went with her to the special assembly day (something I have not done in years) just to help with one of the kids.
I am just not sure I can do this. And I am NOT looking forward to the berating coming down the road.
Honestly people all of these suggestions so as not to hurt her feelings and explain your stance....not that I don't agree, absolutely if you can get away with explaining your side and stuff that's great more power to you but the easiest way to get out of the district convention is just fake like you're sick. I used to do that as a kid, there's no way you can "control" whether you're sick or not. She can't get mad at you for being sick, remember you have no control over it.
You could tell her that you have developed a "phobia" of being in large crowds....that your level of anxiety is too intense, and you can't handle it.
Tell her you have prayed to "Jehovah" about the anxiety problem and reassure her that you will be with her in "thought" during the convention.
(I actually had a brother in law that doesn't attend any assemblies or conventions because of his anxiety problem.)
...or tell her the real truth...but constantly reassure her that you will always "love her"...Many times when a spouse hears that one is "quitting the truth(tm) it makes them feel that soon they will be quitting their marriage. PM me if you want to hear my personal experience with that.
Codeblue
