Guilt over getting an old friend DF'ed

Ciara

I've been thinking about this guy I used to know when I was a JW. We went to school together and were in the same congregation. He was fading, but one day me and my dad were passing a convenience store and we saw him smoking outside. Now, previously the elders had no grounds to DF him, since they had no proof of his "wrongdoing". We only had 3 elders and dad was one of them so he made me testify in the JC. I felt bad about it because after he was DF'ed his parents shunned him and eventually he went into the military. I suppose he had nowhere else to go. He had been a witness nearly all his life.

I really wish I had refused to testify. But, then again, maybe I did him a favor. I haven't seen him in about 6 years or so.

Have any of you ever had to participate in someone else's JC. If so, how do you feel about it now?

Ciara

Shutterbug

Ciara, you really didn't ask for advice but I'm going to give it anyway. Find the young man and apologize. If he is still in the military he could use a letter from you, especially one in which you apologize. This will, no doubt, help him and it will help you put the incident behind you. Just my 2 cents. Bug

Special K

That's a toughy.

I never ever particpated or was called into a J.C. to tell about someone else.

You have to know as well, that when you were a J.W., this is what you were programmed and taught to do. Your father along with what you had been taught pointed you in the direction to tell, tell, tell.

My opinion, forgive yourself for acting like a J.W. when you were a J.W. at the time.

....

I think there were probably some J.W.'s who really enjoyed telling on others but by your post I know that you just wasn't one of them.

If I would have been this man and if some years would have passed by, I would have forgiven you years ago. Besides, if he is in the military now, he doesn't want to be a J.W. anymore anyways. He too has made life choices that aren't the path of the J.W.s...

Special K

Yerusalyim

Look at it this way, in the long run you probably did him a favor.

Golf

Just fading you say, then why bother? It would seem that it bothers you more than it does him. I'm pretty sure he hasn't lost much sleep over it. Then again, I'm guessing ain't I?

Guest 77

vitty

If he was smoking in public he couldn`t have been very worried about being caught.

So don`t worry.

Special K

Good one Vit..

why do I look for complicated things...

when it's Hey, he was smoking in public so he wasn't worried about it and not trying to hide it. All true and simple realistic answer.

Special K

Sweetp0985

I had to do that once. A sister was secretly seeing a Df'd brother and this particular night me, my step-mom, and a step-sister were on our way home and we took a back route instead of the usual route. When we came to a stop sign we saw the sister's car in front of the df'd brother house and he was getting out. But anyway, as soon as we got home my step-mom got on the horn with an elder and soon a meeting was set up. All the way home my step-mom was saying stuff like Jehovah made us come that way. See what Jehovah can do, we never come this way and we came this way tonight because he wanted us to witness what was happening. I was kinda mad about it because there were 3 witnesses against 1 even though the sister denied it. We even had the JC meeting with everyone in the room at the same time. The person did get Df'd. I didn't really feel bad about it then and I don't feel bad about it now only because she was married and I knew her husband and she shouldn't have been cheating in the first place. But who am I to judge right? I never would do it again though. Even if I saw someone doing something I wouldn't tell the judges oops I mean elders anyway.

Guilt over getting an old friend DF'ed

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