lonliness after leaving

by orbison11 15 Replies latest jw friends

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  Eddie

  I have been DF'd for a little over a year now, and I feel exactly the same way......I have completely isolated myself. I don't have any one who I could just call up and chat with without feeling like I was imposing. Its almosts like I don't want to make any "wordly" friends because I haven't yet completely broke free from the JW principles, although I am trying. I haven't disclosed any of my "past" to people I work with for fear of being misunderstood or weird. I guess that I've just wanted to fit in for so long (my entire life) with normal people that I am "pretending" to be just like them. I have found that it is hard to make intimate friendships with people when you are afraid of talking about yourself. Usually, I just listen to everyone else's life stories and be glad that they are not asking me about mine. It is not very healthy because I haven't really given anyone a chance to be a friend back to me. I just get this overwhelming feeling that NO ONE would understand anyway. I am seeing a therapist and he trying to help me work through it and let go, but it is very difficult. I miss my sister and my old friends and Ithere is definitely a part of me that does not want to replace them. I just found out that I am 7 weeks pregnant, first time, and I am so sad because I have no one to share my joy, except my husband of course. My family would just tell me that I need to hurry up and get reinstated because they want to see my baby. I guess my advice would be to get out there and let it all out (your feelings, that is) and just see how people respond. I need to follow my own advice.......

  Eddie
• 

  Evesapple

  Usually, I just listen to everyone else's life stories and be glad that they are not asking me about mine. It is not very healthy because I haven't really given anyone a chance to be a friend back to me. I just get this overwhelming feeling that NO ONE would understand anyway.

  I remember feeling this, it's hard, and it takes time. It's all a part of trust, letting go and when you feel it's the right time to disclose your life story to someone you will, don't feel you have to...you don't. However, when you do, believe it or not, no one will look at you funny or wierd....true they may not understand, my husband still struggles with it....but they won't think you are wierd. Everyone has their own story in life....you may find yours is not as far fetched as many out there. I'm still slowly telling friends about my past.....those that are acquaintances I don't bother....because it takes to much energy to explain, besides I don't know everyone elses life story either. Those that I do become close too, or want to become close too, I slowly let it trickle out.....usually over a great cocktail, sometimes that helps.

  Congratulations Eddie on your pregnancy.....I had a baby boy 13 months ago, and my family never came to see him.....as far as I'm concerned, Matt only has one set of grandparents....it's sad....but try and stay focused on the positives in your life right now, it sounds like you have a few to be thankful for.
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  unique1

  You would be AMAZED at how much more accepting people of "the world" are than witnesses ever were of you. Even the uber religious people I work with are accepting of all others. They may not agree with things but they don't go flaunting it about. Definately join a meet up group in your area and definately let a few of your aquaintenances in. You will be suprized at how nice it can be.
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  cyber-sista

  Aloha Orbi,

  Still transitioning myself, but do have the support of some unbelieving family and friends. I wasn't raised a JW so I imagine this makes it easier in many ways. Making friends just happens and it is a rather magical thing. There is chemistry between people or something that is beyond logic and words. Sometimes you just meet people and it clicks and after talking for a short period of time you feel like you have known them forever. Some friendships take a while to get going--just being familiar with someone over a period of time can nurture a long time friendship. Everybody is different. Most everybody is a little bit strange in one way or another. Just accept people and they will accept you. You don't have to make friends with people who are exactly like yourself either. Some of my most interesting friendships are with people who have different lifestyles and interests than myself, but they are interesting people nonetheless, I enjoy their company and we all learn new and different things from each other. Taking classes is one of the best ways to meet people, I think. Workshops, hobby classes, Thai chi, whatever-- even taking a CPR class is interactive. Volunteer jobs and workplaces such as restaurants and resorts are great places to make connections with people. Generally you don't have to work at it--just share your life and self with others and friends will happen.

  Your friend,

  cybs
• 

  sunshineToo

  orbi, I am very sorry for what you are going through now. For me I had my boyfriend and other friends when I DA'd. My mom is still a jw, and gave me a hard time. Fortunately rest of the family aren't jws, and they have been supportive. Now my boyfriend and I are married for almost 2 years. We just bought our first house and expecting our first child - a boy.

  As unique1 said "worldly" ( I hate to use this term for non-jw people) people are much nicer. I've talked to some people (neighbors and collegues), and they have been so supportive and caring. Reach out, orbi.

  I also got so busy with my work as well. You can focus on your career as a way of distraction, too.

  Visit this site a lot, please. This forum has helped me a lot, and I'm sure it will do the same for you, too.

  See you around!
• 

  Frannie Banannie

  Orbi, I've kinda been a "loner" most of my life, but not always by choice....I'm essentially a hermit by choice now...BIG time....

  Frannie B