"i am almost afraid to let anyone into my life for fear, i think, of their deciding again in my life that i am not good enough"
I know exactly what you mean by this.... just after I'd made the decision to leave and just before I was forced to dosassociate myself, I started going out with a guy I'd met at work. I really cared about him and he was very supportive, but after my family and all my friends stopped talking to me, I became very depressed. I broke up with the guy, because I was terrified of him dumping me, and how that would just confirm to me what an unloveable person I must be.
Thankfully, this guy didn't give up on me, and two years on we're still together.
It also took me a while to make other friends. My self confidence had taken a severe bashing and if I went to a social gathering with my boyfriend, I found it hard to strike up conversations with people. After a while, conversation became easier, but if, for example, I met some girls who told me to call them and we'd go out on the town, I'd never actually follow up with them. I convinced myself that they were just being kind and didnt really want to get to know me.
Slowly, slowly I started to feel better about myself... and that attitude helped me make friends more easily.
So all I can say, Orbi, is that it takes time, but you are not alone in what you are going through... don't be afraid to reach out, no one can affect your self worth but yourself....