lonliness after leaving

by orbison11 15 Replies latest jw friends

  • orbison11

    greetings all

    just wondering, did any of you become hermit like after leaving. i see many of you are able to carry on. maybe with the help of non-jw family, etc.

    but for me, i lost all family and i am having a hard time with acquiring friends, although i have many many aquaintances. i am almost afraid to let anyone into my life for fear, i think, of their deciding again in my life that i am not good enough

    orbi ----->>>not of the 'whining class', just wondering:)

  • confusedjw


    for fear, i think, of their deciding again in my life that i am not good enough

    How long has it been? Were you DF'd or DA'd?

    I think you having some pretty normal feelings. I can assure you that many here have struggled with the shock of having to readjust how we look at non witnesses and ourselves.

    But while it is true that you will find people who aren't real friends you will find people who are and who like and love Orbi for being Orbi. They won't turn it off if she doesn't go to the meeting and you don't have to worship an Org for them to be true blue to you.

    In general people have good hearts. You open yours to those around you and you'll find kindred souls and things will start to feel right.

    Sorry about your family. Casualties of a cult. Again Sorry. Really it sucks.

  • Lehaa

    Hi orbi,

    Know just how you feel, going through the same at the moment, DF'ed 8 weeks now. I find it real had at times, i'm a single mum with two little kids as well so it makes it really hard to make new friends too.

    I've joined my local ex-jw group which has helped immensly, we met up for the first time on the weekend and that was great.


    his is the site, just type in jehovah in the search function and you'll get the ex- JW meet up group, just fing the one in your local area and join.

    As far as family goes im still having a real hard time dealing with that. Icontacted some famiy members who have already left the Borg but they live in another state, am hoping to visit them over the christmas holidays.

    Hang in there it does get easier. If you need to talk just email me [email protected] or PM me.


  • Woman know your place
    Woman know your place

    "i am almost afraid to let anyone into my life for fear, i think, of their deciding again in my life that i am not good enough"

    Hi Orbi

    I know exactly what you mean by this.... just after I'd made the decision to leave and just before I was forced to dosassociate myself, I started going out with a guy I'd met at work. I really cared about him and he was very supportive, but after my family and all my friends stopped talking to me, I became very depressed. I broke up with the guy, because I was terrified of him dumping me, and how that would just confirm to me what an unloveable person I must be.

    Thankfully, this guy didn't give up on me, and two years on we're still together.

    It also took me a while to make other friends. My self confidence had taken a severe bashing and if I went to a social gathering with my boyfriend, I found it hard to strike up conversations with people. After a while, conversation became easier, but if, for example, I met some girls who told me to call them and we'd go out on the town, I'd never actually follow up with them. I convinced myself that they were just being kind and didnt really want to get to know me.

    Slowly, slowly I started to feel better about myself... and that attitude helped me make friends more easily.

    So all I can say, Orbi, is that it takes time, but you are not alone in what you are going through... don't be afraid to reach out, no one can affect your self worth but yourself....


  • Woman know your place
    Woman know your place

    heh heh heh....

    I went to that meetup site, typed in jehovah, and got two meetup groups- one for JWs and one for ex-JWs.

    The JW group had 221 members, and the ex-JW one had, guess what... 3300 members!

  • Sunnygal41

    Hi, Orbi, I've been out for 6 years now, and it DOES get better! As others here have already stated, it's an extreme adjustment we go thru.......all of us........except maybe those that leave with their whole family.......I am on my own right now........but, I've got some good friends that I've had to work hard to acquire. Just give yourself time to process your feelings. Sometimes, as scary as it feels to be alone, it is the best thing. Not to sit and wallow so much, but, to allow our hearts and minds to grieve for what we've been thru, to validate our own feelings, and to get centered. What I found good was resuming all the things I'd wanted to involve myself with when I left. I did tons of research on all kinds of religions and read lots of self help books. It helps to educate your mind, so that you can carry on conversations with people! Well, just a few ideas, and getting outside, in nature, too is another good thing. Having a pet will help with loneliness also. And, best of all, being on here!



  • Lehaa
    The JW group had 221 members, and the ex-JW one had, guess what... 3300 members!

    LOL, yep I'd believe that.

    More out than in.

  • JAVA

    I've been out for many years, but "loneliness after leaving" the Tower is an issue for some folks. Many of the of the JW rank-n-file are not all that outgoing in the first place; add to that forced shunning of family and friends, and what do you have--"loneliness." Most spent years, and some a lifetime, looking down on non-JWs. It just takes a little time and effort reconnecting with the larger society again, but most do it if they want to.

    You'll never fully get over being shunned by close family and friends, but reaching out to others is better than allowing the Tower to sentence you to solitary confinement. Trust, or a lack thereof, seems to go with loneliness after exiting. Again, it takes time to develope relationships, but most become normal on this side of the Tower.


  • Evesapple

    Orb....how long you been out? For me it's been 9 years. I had a hard time initially, came home and cried many times, not being able to call anyone, and even if I did the only thing I'd hear is, 'it's how you are supposed to feel...it's the discipline, you have to come back to meetins' blah, blah, blah.....

    My best advice, you have to get out there, make friends......go out for happy hour, join a group, a book club, whatever you might enjoy...take advantage of your freedom to choose and find out who you are. You can make friends on this side...and guess what? no one judges you on how you live your life, and what you want to believe in....and those that do, are not friends. Have fun! Just make the effort.....good luck! It gets a whole lot better...so much better that you'll look back and say, "i'm glad I'm out of there" The Journey of a thousand miles starts from beneath your feet" Go for it!

  • codeblue

    Yes....I am going thru it right now. Both my husband and I have been fading for a year now. Like the other posters have said, it is part of the process. It is an agonizing process, much like going thru a divorce....I am hoping one day that I will feel myself again.

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