If you can't run with the big dogs . . .

by moonwillow 14 Replies latest social humour

  • moonwillow

    I never quite figured out why the sexual urges of men and women differ
    so much. And I never figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have
    never figured out why men think with their head and women think with
    their heart. I have never figured out why the sexual desire gene gets
    thrown into a state of turmoil, when it hears the words "I do"

    One evening last week, my wife and I were getting into bed. Well, the
    passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says "I don't feel like
    it, I just want you to hold me."

    I said "WHAT???!!! What was that?!" So she says the words that every
    husband on the planet dreads to hear..."You're just not in touch with my
    emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical need!
    s as a man." She responded to my puzzled look by saying, "Can't you just
    love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?"

    Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night I went to sleep.

    The very next day I opted to take the day off off work to spend time with
    her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big
    unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on
    several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one
    to take so I told her we'll just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to
    compliment her new clothes, so I said lets get a pair for each outfit.

    We went to the jewelry department where she picked out a pair of diamond
    earrings. Let me tell you, she was so excited, she must have thought I
    was one wave short of a shipwreck.

    She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement.

    Smiling with excited anticipation she finally said, "I think this is all
    dear, lets go to the cashier." I could hardly contain myself when I
    blurted out, "No honey, I don 't feel like it."

    Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled
    WHAT??!!!" I then said "Really honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff
    for a while. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man
    enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman."

    And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me I added,
    "Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy

    Apparently I won't be having sex again until sometime after pigs fly
    over a frozen hell.

  • bem

    Okay we'll probably both catch heck for this one. But way to go dude.I loved it,( I am a mom by the way.) Using sex as a pawn or token is so not right... But what a good idea. The shopping trip...of course many will try that now on there mates.


  • Corvin
    "And I never figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing."

    Quite simple really. Two basic rules of thumb are helpful to me.

    1. Remember that you are expected to read her mind.

    (Women will have entire conversations in their heads, which is nothing to be concerned about, but they will go over an entire scenario in their minds concerning a situation, issue or prospect. You are included in that conversation, whether you know it or not, and she has her sights set on a resolution that you will most likely have to guess at, but your survival depends on you figuring out what she wants or has concluded just short of her bursting into tears over you being such an idiot and not having heard any part of the conversation she just had in her mind)

    2. When she vents or tells you about a problem; DON'T try to fix it for her.

    (She does not want someone to fix her or her problem. She just needs you to listen and empathize. That's pretty much all it's about. She is smart and can resolve her own conflicts in life and can/will do so with more efficiency and rapidity than you can imagine.)

    You learn a little something after two wives and 18 combined years of marriage. But I've probably got this one wrong too.

    Great story. Very funny. Is this your own anecdote? It rocks.


  • Lehaa

    I love that one, think it's hilarious.

  • moonwillow

    I'm a mom too :)

    It's something someone sent me in email and I got a big laugh out of it so I thought I'd share it here on the board with everyone hopefull to share a laugh :)

    Have a grreat day!

    Smile make them wonder what your up to!

  • L_A_Big_Dawg



  • StinkyPantz

    Funny anecdote


    1. Remember that you are expected to read her mind.
  • jwbot

    Marriage is prostitution. Plain and simple. Depending on a lot of things-but in the traditional sense anyway.

  • confusedjw

    The Bot said:

    Marriage is prostitution

    Um. I guess I have no response to that.

  • L_A_Big_Dawg


    Marriage is prostitution. Plain and simple. Depending on a lot of things-but in the traditional sense anyway.

    It's only prostitution if she is expecting "payment" for services rendered. If that is the case then I only have three words to say, "Dump that woman!"


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