How Would You / Did You Handle Disfellowshipping?

by minimus 40 Replies latest jw friends

  • wednesday


    ,your post really touched me. rest assured , u have have helped another person, this day. I too come to the boards to read the stories, and try and find a way to feel normal. it is so hard at times. what is good about the boards, is at least we have a right to have a feeling.I can feel any da*n way i want to.

    btw, u might enjoy the discussions after a while. once i got over the black and white thinking of jws, that is everything is either right or wrong, i was able to setle down and enjoy others opinions. imagine, we are xjws and now we have opinions. something we were not allowed to have as jws.

  • Fleur

    thanks weds...(((hugs))) hope you have more 'normal' feeling days than others at this point in your jw recovery!

    i was into the discussions for awhile about year 3 of my involvement with exjw boards, (had tons of posts under my old username; which i have symbolically buried along with my old JW self) but they just got too physically tiring for me now, because i am a neurology patient. i have to conserve what little brain power the disease i share my life with leaves me.

    so i just try to stick to what i know, saying something kind if i can to someone in pain. that's my best use here.

    i don't think black and white like jw's anymore, nor do i expect everyone to agree with me. part of my enjoying my freedom is my ability to decide not to argue with people who want to do so for arguements sake. maybe they thrive on that kind of debate, i don't.

    thanks for your kind words about my post, i hope that someone will take comfort in them. i wish someone had said similiar things to me when i was newly out. thanks again for your post.

  • TresHappy
  • stillajwexelder

    I did not handle it very well - I was supportive of the elders because I was one at the time and had no choice (or be removed) - not easy -- then I knew the pain I was inflicting on others -then I knew I could not serve as an elder anymore -Then I resigned as an elder

  • Lehaa

    Thanks to all who have posted offering support to all us newly disfellowshipped people. Especially Fleur. I am going to my first EX-JW meeting in a couple of weeks. Was doubtfull about going but reading all your posts made up my mind, it's something I definately need to do.

    Thank you all.


  • eljefe

    Then I withdrew $1,200 and I boogied on down to the gun shop and bought an AK-47 with two 75rd drum mags,four 40rd box mags,a whole lotta ammo.[legal at the time]

    I would practice my Rambo routine,in my basement.

    Time to watch out for John "Danny" Rambo.

    I prefer to be a total hypocrite about things. I ostracize other DF'd people. But when it comes to my family and friends they are OK to associate with despite being DF'd.

  • flower

    had a mental breakdown for a while. padded walls and all. lol (ok not quite that bad).

  • mamochan13

    When I was in it, I had a close friend df'd. I went and visited her because I was worried about her state of emotional and mental health. I didn't know how important that was until years later when I was df'd myself.

    It was an experience that almost destroyed me and tore my family apart. The elders kept me hanging for 14 months while I did everything they directed so I could be reinstated. They kept lying to me (starting with the first judicial meeting), telling me the Organization book said I had to wait a year. I made them angry because every month I'd make another request for reinstatement. They didn't care if I was "repentant." They just wanted to make sure I was punished well.

    Seems weird now, why I wanted back in. As other ex j's will understand, it was the loss of my family, friends, lifestyle, faith, etc. They told my children not to talk to me, and forced me to let them go study the bible with other witnesses. My mother would not let me past the entranceway of her house (even though my father was not part of the religion). I was fighting to get my life back.

    When they finally relented and magnanimously let me back in, I really lost it. Here I was the exact same person I had been 14 months previously, a good person who loved my family and god and wanted to do what was right. But for 14 months everyone I cared about was forced to treat me as if I was nothing, a diseased leper, unworthy of entering their home or being spoken to. Who were these men to say that one day I was unacceptable and the next day I was?

    It was a turning point, and I finally woke up, thank god. It still took me some years to completely break free, but I'm glad to say that I'm now finally a whole person again. I left the religion, broke all ties with my family, and am finally happy with the person I've become. I'm free!

    As horrific as the df'ing experience was, at least I got something good out of it. For Lehaa and others who are still struggling with the experience, remember that what they are doing is wrong. It is inhuman and cruel. A god of love would not approve.

    You may choose to play the game and get reinstated if you want to maintain a relationship with your family and friends. But you have the option of leaving voluntarily after. Believe me, it gives me great satisfaction to be able to say "you 'kindly' let me back into the religion, but you know what? I've woken up and will never come back!"

  • minimus

    Great replies on this thread!! It is so sad to see how inhumane many people have been treated. It makes us glad to know we've finally gotten out!

  • new light
    new light

    I was DFed at 16, having been born and raised a JW. The damage done to my young, impressionable soul was and is incalculable. In order to deal with the pain of isolation, I forced myself not to care. I pulled away from everyone and learned to be cold. I was not allowed to be "worldly" under threat of homelessness, so really I could have no friends one way or the other. It took eleven years (out of only 28 so far) to overcome the depression this caused. I'm fine now, in a relative sense, but more than 1/3 of my life has been essentially wasted recovering from "God's loving direction". JW's blow.

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