by Elsewhere 23 Replies latest jw friends
Sadly my dad tried to insist that *I* am the one who has been deceived
Witnesses say others are deceived while at the same time refusing to consider the information which caused a person to leave in the first place. Good job David, I'm having trouble seeing how you kept your cool, but I admire you for doing so. .
also tried a new technique for talking to them to prevent them from going around in circles with the scriptures... I refused to talk about details of their religion. I told them that what they believe is their own personal decision, and their right, and I'm not going to try to change them... all I ask is the same in return. Doing this disarmed them and kept their JW persecution complex from kicking in... Instead it forced them to realize that THEY are the ones doing to persecuting.
Excellent strategy. It makes them focus on just common human decency instead of miles of doctrinal redtape. It will take time to ferment in their brainwashed minds, but in time...hopefully....the lightbulb will blink on.
Hi Elsewhere
You spoke up really well for yourself elsewhere. It's sometimes hard to confront parents about unfair treatment. I like that you have stated your boundaries to them very clearly. J.W.'s are programmed to think they are the only ones who make the rules and set the boundaries.. NOT!
Being invited to a family gathering and then being treated like you ate chili or something is just not right and you made that very clear to them.
I think it's good that they have made an effort twice today to contact you.. or at least your mom has. If it has been awhile then it was probably a big step for her to step a little to the left of the shunning side. It is really unnatural for a mother to shun her children..just REALLY unnatural.
Maybe the occassional phone call might be nice at this point in your relationship with them, I don't know how you feel about that.
All the best to you Elsewhere. I know the feeling of being shunned by parents, sibblings and friends. It hurts deeply for a few years because it certainly hurt me at a very deep level.
(((( Elsewhere ))))
sincerely
Special K
I feel for ya Elsewhere.. similar circumstances here too.. my mom recent emailed me and added that my step dad had gotten help and support from the brothers (after a recent problem he had) and she said she SOOOO wished that someone had helped me. I knew what that meant.. helped me get back to the meetings etc etc etc... I wrote her back and said I have gotten all the help that I need already, I need none (of course I was referring to the help here at JWD and reference of material everyone pointed to reading).......... I told her that my life was good, I was happy and the only thing that would make it better was if they were in my life.
which of course won't happen...
The point you make Elsewhere about it being on them, they are the ones who put a rift in our lives, our relationships.. we don't ask them to stop their religious beliefs, we only ask they they respect our right not to be a JW.
Thanks for the invite Travis!
Today I'm just gonna bum around home and sip on some beer.
I'll catch you another day!
Hi! I think you were amazingly self-controlled, and put your points across.
It's good to let your parents know your boundaries. Speaking from my own experience, can I warn you that you may probably have to do it over and over again? They just do not hear what you say. Kind of like the dog in the Far Side cartoon, you know, "blah, blah, blah, FIDO, blah, blah, blah, FIDO, they are programmed to hear what they need to hear. Try not to lose patience with them.
As Special said, it is unnatural for your mom to shun you. She probably suffers greatly because of this (as does your dad). Yes, it is not your fault! It is hers, but even moreso, the Society's fault. THIS is the fact that has kept me going in the relationship with my parents.
What has helped me? (not that you've asked) Realizing that I am in a much better place than they. I have my freedom, they do not. I am no longer controlled by the JWs, they are. If I think of it in those terms, it is much easier for me to deal with. I can feel pity for them, and direct my anger (usually) towards the WTBTS.
In that light, consider what it took for mom to call you. (again, I'm echoing Special K) Remember that, unlike many others, your mom and dad do love you, in spite of their crazy beliefs. Be the better person, forgive them and deal with them on that basis.
I, too, come from a family such as yours. For me, it helped to realize that my leaving the JWs was a huge blow to them. In spite of how much it hurts me, it usually helps if I remember that they are in a much worse life situation than I. After all, they are members of a cult and have no life whatsoever. I, OTOH, have lots of real friends and yes, an extremely dysfunctional family, but I'm gonna be okay. They are not.
To sum up, Good for you Elsewhere! Keep on keepin' on!
talesin
For a different 'twist', my mother told me that "If I didn't get out of the Witnesses, she was going to quit talking to me"!
Outaservice (who had to obey his mother!)
LOL, Outa - I've known you for nearly 20 years and that's the first time I've heard your 'twist' - glad you listened to your mom. (((Hugs))) Zazu
Either way, I don't want to have anything to do with them after the way they have treated me
I agree with you. I faded and my dad will not talk to me because I don't go to meetings. I am told as soon as I get my life in order (i.e. get married) that he will speak to me again. Um, I am sorry *sarcasm intended* -- I have no desire to be a daughter to someone who takes family members for granted. He can have his words and shove them up his @ss.
((((((((elsewhere)))))))))
Purza
I don't know if this has been touched or not, but you mentioned that you didn't want anything to do with her. But as I see it, you should always leave the door open to them. You can show them that you have a bigger heart. There is other life than the borg. And you found it, perhaps they will too.
Puternut
