You must have had some curisoity over what other people thought; looking for validation maybe? I don't know you well enough to guess why.
LOL, Sometimes we are just stressed and we vent. I have been through hell, not because of my kids, but for my kids.
If my JW parents had pulled one like that I would have been incandescent with rage and would likely get the album again, but would have made sure they you didn't find out about it.
I am not a JW parent, and have not been one for 14 years. If you were my son, your incandescent rage and repurchasing of the same album would have gotten you an ass-kicking. I am not a spanking dad, but I am not above knocking hell out of my 6-3 son should he ever think he can disrespect me or his mother.
As a 38 year-old with a 14 year-old daughter I feel the same way. I feel even more uncertain about the correctness of your actions (from my POV) with a 17 year-old involved. Treating a young adult a year away from legal majority as though they have no rights is a dangerous thing to do.
A young adult (in this case, only 5 months) away from legal majority has the right to be loved and kept safe, fed and clothed, nurtured and taught. That's where her rights end. The rest is PRIVELEDGE. She gets to exercise all other rights when she is paying the bills.
I'd feel I wasn't respecting her. Yeah, she's my kid, and under this scenario it would be my house, but I've always found that 'you're my kid and you'll do as I say when you live under my roof' to be so close to an non-argument as to make no difference. It's more of a threat than anargument. You may as well say 'might is right' and have done with it.
The one thing I have tried to teach my daughter is that no matter where she is, no matter how old, how smart, how rich, she will always have to follow somebody else's rules. There are laws she will have to abide by or pay the price. My rules are not designed to make her life miserable, but to prevent each one from driving the other nuts. Again, I am no prude, and they have alot of freedom and priveledges under my roof . . . but kids will push and test the boundaries at that age. I am not about to let ANYONE living under my roof, including myself, bring any element into the abode that would be offensive or inconsiderate to another. The music is not just offensive to me.
Anger is part of the tapestry of emotions that make up our life. If my child was immersing themselves in anger to the exclusion of other emotions I would want to talk anbout it. I might comment on some songs.
Anger is a secondary emotion to hurt. As was talked about in previous posts of this thread, it was suggested that music is born of the composer's mood or states of mind. The band or composer in question seems to be dealing with his/their hurt by using anger a bit too much . . . to the exclusion of other emotions. There are many songs that communicate the composers hurt, fear, anger without such destructive attitudes and the disposition to lash out at women, mothers, fathers and those not sporting Dickies and Converse. Songs do not have to be reality based to get my approval, but they do need to reflect the "artist" has a little more upstairs and in their heart than just anger and hostility and hopelessness.
But I'd give her my opinion by means of discussion, not by means of diktat, and probably, especially with an older teenager, respect her right to have a different opinion to me.
I am musician. She does not care for my particular preferences and I do respect that. My wife, Mary, likes country, but I don't really care for what country has come to these days, but I don't have anything to say about it. Some of the songs written in the country industry are just too stupid for words, but whatever. From the day she (my daughter) discovered she had her own taste in music, we have had many lengthy discussions, and again, she has lots of lattitude with regard to her choices and I have listened to all of her choices and actually like most of it. There are times when young adults living anywhere will have a lapse in sense and good judgement. I, as a father, get to give reminders and help adjust their reasoning. If you oldest child is only 14, you have yet to learn that sometimes no amount of discussion or reasoning or respect can get through their to them and when all else fails, taking control and in this case, trashing an offensive CD is all you can do. Sometimes, pointing out to the child, and a 17 yo with no means of supporting herself is still pretty much a child, that their only other option is to get their own digs and paying the bills is just the ticket to straighten their punk asses out.
Also... angry... 'Killing in the Name of' is angry ... you thrown out Rage yet? Man, I suppose NIN and NIrvana is going in the trash too... I think, actually, a lot of Dylan shpould go to... 'Masters of War' for example. And 'What's Going On' is full of anger, even though there's no shouting.
I do not discount any band based on one or two songs, but give them (the children) an option of CD compilations that omit offensive material that panders to the unstable states of mind a teenager goes through.
There's an AWFUL lot of asthetic opinion in what you've done. Reading the riot act for ACTIONS, yeah, I can understand that. But raeding the riot act for someone having different TASTE to you. Heavy.
Not the case here . . . hippy, lol jk
Do you censor her reading material as well? Books can be just as angry as songs, albeit quieter (except on the inside of your head)). And books HAVE actually started revolutions, whereas songs have been mere accompaniments to them.
As a matter of fact I do take exception to reading material that encourages her to have an unrealistic viewpoint about her looks and body leading her to feel like she doesn't measure up to some bullshit standard . . . a standard that she will never be able to attain simply because of genetics. Material that gives out bad or bullshit advice about love and relationship gets tossed too. I get to teach my kids about those things and I get to say who else gets to teach them about those things. My daughter came home from school one day a little disturbed about her Life Management teacher. This is a class that teaches kids about condoms, pregnancy, STD's, mental health, stuff like that, but she showed me a URL he had given the class to go to for homework assignment research. Turns out this teacher is the follower of a religeous guru and incorporates this guru's cultish philosophies into his courses. As I read this guru's website I became incensed as did my daughter. I payed a visit to this teacher's class room and was astonished to find posters on the walls and other crap espousing the guru's mantras. Turns out this teacher makes the kids go through ritualistic ceremony each day in class based on this guru's teachings. We are talking gongs and magic conches, white tunics and bonfires. I raised hell with the looney teacher, then went to the Principal and raised hell. Turns out this teacher's curriculum more than slightly deviated from the standard given him to teach the kids, and the school heads were not aware of it until I brought it to their attention. I got my kid away from the kook and get to do the same thing with regard to the kooks who push their bullshit philosophies and way of thinking on her through their so-called music.
Where do you go with your response if she actually does something bad? I mean, that's a heavy reaction to a few words and some music. I'm curious to know your reactions to things that were a more clear and present danger to her than a song.
It is an appropriate reaction to someone who knew the standard and deliberately violated that standard. It's not like she didn't know what would happen. She had been given ample warning and was reasoned with extensively, she tested the boundaries again, and again it was my place to reinforce what those boundaries are. I would remiss in my duties as a father to let her get away with thumbing her nose at rules put in place for her well-being and protection, rules that also protect and respect the sensabilities of the others that live here.
I do not need validation, I was venting. If you have not yet raised a child through their teen years up to young adulthood, you may yet have to understand what quite a few other parents already know. Good luck
Best Regards,
Corvin
