How Long did it take you to re-build? (page 2)

LittleToe

Building is a life-long proccess. Is there truly a point at which we can say we have "arrived"?

In my own case my changes began with something "bigger" than myself, in that I came into a living relationship with Christ. This caused a great deal of confusion, but the pieces slowly began to come together.

My reading of the bible (alone) demolished my old doctrines.
After two months I came to this site, and demolished some of my beliefs about the WTS just being misguided. Before long I had dropped the WTS like a shroud.
After four months I started making new friends, and got reacquainted with some old ones who had left the Borg before me (e.g. Bull, above).
After six months I DA'ed from the WTS, and got on with making new friends. I shortly thereafter discovered that I can go into any place of worship without fear.
After twelve months (with a little trepidation) I met up with a bunch of folks from this board (at Englishman's BBQ). I've since got hooked on meeting up with all these lovely people.

My beliefs continue to evolve, but you know what? I'm comfortable with that.
I've learnt that it's not that which occurs without, but how I deal with it within.
I used to think that I wouldn't have time, but I discovered that I've got exactly as long as I need...

Life is good!!!

LyinEyes

When I first walked away from my JW life, I was in such agony trying to find out the answers to all the things the JW's lied to me about. I had alot of childhood issues of abuse and the death of my Mom come crashing down on me harder than ever.

I went thru a great deal of emotional pain the first several months. I read books on abuse, books on cults, brainwashing, things on the internet, I tried to read the Bible.

I really got overwelmed with it all and had to just back away , give myself some time.

Shortly after I made the decision to take a break from trying so hard to figure things out,,,, after I also had went thru the grief process of my mom and things that happened when I was a kid,,,,, I felt relief.

It was then that I started to go forward. I started making friends, doing things I always wanted to do,,,I felt free. I have been out for just two years,,,,,,,so I am still rebuilding my life, making plans for the future and for the future of my kids. I still get very angry over the past , but I am not stuck in the place I was for so long as a JW . I know now that I can't wait on Jehovah to make my life better,,,,,,,and only I can pick myself up and move forward the best that I can. I am sure it will take alot of years before I am in the place mentally that I want to be, but I am working on getting there .

myauntfanny

Scooby

I was raised in the TRUTH, and I escaped at 15. I think I was traumatised for a solid 10 years afterwards, but it probably didn't help that I was trying to make it on my own so young. What helped me a lot (finally) was reading about post-traumatic stress disorder. (If you're interested, tell me and I will list the books I read.) At least then I understood my symptoms a bit better. I also discovered Bach Flower Remedies, they are homeopathic and they helped me with things like the Sunday gloom and doom feelings. They might be worth looking into if you like alternative type things.

I think, if it's possible, that forgetting the whole thing for a while and trying to have some fun is the best healer. Travel is also good, if your phobias and bankbook permit it. Travel makes you realise what a tiny, irrelevant world JWs live in. Oh, and don't watch or read the news for a while. It's always dreadful and I think it triggers the old beliefs about what an awful place the world is and the old fears of imminent apocalypse.

Evesapple

Steve Lowry...I love your reply and I couldn't agree more....'make your own map, and custom tailor it to yourself'....

When I left, I had also just started working again, I had a 4 year old daughter and going through a seperation. I remember coming home from work to an empty house, and feeling so alone, I cried so hard....I realized I was starting all over, and it was scary and lonley....I suppose that's why many go back, because they're afraid. My sister went back because she was afraid of not having friends again. As time went by, I got to know my co-workers, eventually I was invited out to after work happy hours, I started the building process of my new life....brick by brick. I've learned a lot over the past 9 years....I think Wow! have I come this far? I have a new husband who's wonderful a new son who will be 1 years old June 9th (and I can't wait to have his b-day party )...my daughter is 13 and I'm giving her all the open roads and opportunities that I did not have....I couldn't be happier. I shudder to think of what my life would have stayed like had I not had the courage to leave it all behind.

I have to admit though, that even after 9 years....I still have my fears from past teachings...that's why I joined this board...to find people just like me.

hillary_step

Scooby,

As I have said before, examine the WTS teachings one by one. Research them throroughly. Become a student for a year. Once you see that *all* the teachings exclusive to JW's are actually flawed, then any hold they have on you intellectually just dissolves. It is hard work, but well worth the effort.

I cannot see how you can build anything without first clearing away what was built in your heart before. A good starting point is examining the 1914-607 issue upon which the WTS has pivoted its very existence. An examination of this issue against its C19th Adventist background very quickly removes any mystique that the WTS has built around itself and proves itself it to be just another loonie Adventist religion.

Carl Jonsson's book, 'The Gentile Time Revisited' has an extremely well researched history in the first few chapters of the where the WTS *really* found its end times theology. Even if you do not want to research the chronological aspects, it is well worth buying just for this section.

Remember, to be emotionally free, one starts by being intellectually free.

Best regards - HS

Puternut

Here's talking from experience. I have been out for about a year or so. I was lost for a while, and was pretty depressed. I started searching the Internet and came across this site. I pretty much asked the same questions.

The advice given to me is what I will give to you: Relax and don't worry too much about the future. Explore the world, read books, do what YOU want to do. Talk to others about your feelings, cry, vent, laugh and embrace life itself. Make new friends.

But it's an on going process, and each heals different. But getting it out of your system, by taking about it, has been the biggest healing for me.

Puternut

Mulan

Is TIME the biggest healer?

Yes! It might take years. It's been 7 for us, and we are still healing. It gets better and better all the time.

Evesapple

Scooby

I used to have this poem posted on my refrigerator.....it helped me a lot.

After a While

After a while you learn
the subtle difference between
holding a hand and chaining a soul
and you learn
that love doesn't mean leaning
and company doesn't always mean security.
And you begin to learn
that kisses aren't contracts
and presents aren't promises
and you begin to accept your defeats
with your head up and your eyes ahead
with the grace of woman, not the grief of a child
and you learn
to build all your roads on today
because tomorrow's ground is
too uncertain for plans
and futures have a way of falling down
in mid-flight.
After a while you learn
that even sunshine burns
if you get too much
so you plant your own garden
and decorate your own soul
instead of waiting for someone
to bring you flowers.
And you learn that you really can endure
you really are strong
you really do have worth
and you learn
and you learn
with every goodbye, you learn...

~ Veronica A. Shoffstall ~

Doubtfully Yours

I'm preparing my turf in anticipation of my leave, fairly soon. I have a pretty good network of friends thus far. However, the fall out with my parents and perhaps the demise of my marriage will leave pretty big devastation that only time will heal.

DY

iiz2cool

I've been out for about a year now, and I don't have any phobias at all. It's been stressful, particularly because of the breakup of my marriage, but my life is starting to come together now. I found some good friends on the boards; it's just too bad more of them don't live closer to Toronto! But it's given me more opportunity to travel to meet people. I still have a fair bit of anger toward the organization, but it's getting better with time. I'm taking a lot of work related courses this year, so that will help. And I'm learning to cook for myself, which is an adventure. I actually know how to make something other than peanut butter sandwiches now!

Walter

How Long did it take you to re-build?

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