A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak. After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done. The monsignor replied, "When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervous, I take a sip and it calms my nerves."
So next Sunday he took the monsignor's advice. At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink. He proceeded to talk up a storm. Upon his return to his office after mass, he found the following note on the door:
1. Sip the Vodka, don't gulp.
2. There are 10 commandments, not 12.
3. There are 12 disciples, not 10.
4. Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.
5. Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not "bet his ass".
6. The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as "Daddy, Junior and the Spook".
7. David slew Goliath, he did not "kick the shit out of him".
8. When David was hit by a rock and was knocked off his donkey, he was not "stoned off his ass".
9. When Jesus broke the bread at the Last Supper he said, "Take this and eat it for it is my body." He did not say "Eat me"
10. Next Sunday there will be a taffy pulling contest at St. Peter's, not a peter pulling contest at St. Taffy's.
Some Jokes
by GenericMan 11 Replies latest social humour
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Dan-O
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berten
Following is a rather lame joke told by an elder on my brother's JW wedding over twenty years ago:
A rabbi and a JW elder are having a discussion about holy men.The rabbi says for each
holy man you can name;you may rip one hair out of my beard and I'll do the same
for each name I can come up with.So they take turns naming names and ripping out hairs,
when suddenly the JW elder mentions the 144.000 and the rabbi loses his beard completely.
,See? I told you it was a lame joke