Some Jokes

GenericMan

I'm a Jehovah's Bystander. We's like the Witnesses, only we don't wanna get involved.
- Flip Wilson

What do you get when you cross a devil worshipper with a Jehovah's Witness?
Someone who goes from door to door telling people to go to hell.

What do you get when you cross a Mafia soldier with a Jehovah's Witness?
Lots of converts.

I could never be a Jehovah's Witness... I didn't see the accident. As far as I know, Jehovah didn't hit anybody.
- Greg Taylor

My Avon lady just became a Jehovah's Witness. That may not mean much to you, but it saves me one more trip to the door.
- George Carlin

What do you get when you cross a Jehovah's Witness with an Agnostic?
Someone who goes door to door for no apparent reason.

Ask a Jehovah's Witness: If Jesus were in the hospital and needed an operation, could he get a blood transfusion from God?

I learned something the other day. I learned the Jehovah's Witnesses do not celebrate Halloween. I guess they don't like strangers going up to their door and annoying them.
- Bruce Clark

Dan-O

What do you get when you cross a devil worshipper with a Jehovah's Witness?
Someone who goes from door to door telling people to go to hell.

I like that one best!

santacruzchick

I could never be a Jehovah's Witness... I didn't see the accident. As far as I know, Jehovah didn't hit anybody.
- Greg Taylor

Reminds me of when I was in elementary school, and I told a friend I couldn't celebrate some holiday (can't remember which) because my mom was a Jehovah's Witness....they asked "What did she witness?" , It was embrassing explaining it to her. It made me feel like such an outsider.

But these are pretty funny, esp this one

What do you get when you cross a devil worshipper with a Jehovah's Witness?
Someone who goes from door to door telling people to go to hell.

Black Sheep

How many Jehovah's Witnesses does it take to change a light bulb?

Three. One to screw in the bulb, and two to knock on your door and ask you if you've seen the light!

ohiocowboy

A JW knocked on a door, and heard a faint, high pitched "Come In". He tried the door but it was locked, so he went around to the back of the house and knocked again. Once again he heard "Come In". So he went in the back door to the kitchen, And was greeted by a big nasty Rottweiler. As he plastered himself against the wall, he called out for help. Once again, he heard "Come In". As he slid along the wall towards the living room, He saw a parrot in a cage, and said to the parrot "For Pete's sake, can't you say anything besides "Come In"? To which the parrot Laughed and said "SIC HIM"!!!

ohiocowboy

What do you get when you cross a room full of Imbeciles with a roomfull of JW's?

Jehovah's Witlesses!

Black Sheep

There was a Scottish tradesman, a painter (called Jock, of course) who was very interested in making a pound where he could ... so he often would thin down his paint to make it go a wee bit further.

As it happened, he got away with this for some time, but eventually the Presbyterian Church decided to do a big restoration job on the roof of one of their biggest churches. Jock put in a bid and because his price was so competitive, he got the job.

And so he set to with a right good will, erecting the trestles and putting up the planks, and buying the paint and ... yes, I am sorry to say, thinning it down with the turpentine.

Well, Jock was up on the scaffolding, painting away, the job nearly done, when suddenly there was a horrendous clap of thunder, and the sky opened and the rain poured down, washing the thin paint from all over the church and knocking Jock fair off the scaffold to land on the lawn, among the gravestones, surrounded by telltale puddles of the thinned and useless paint.

Jock was no fool. He knew this was a judgment from the Almighty, so he fell on his knees and cried: "Oh, God! Forgive me! What should I do?"

And from the thunder, a mighty voice spoke:

"Repaint! Repaint and thin no more!"

Black Sheep

Rabbi and a Catholic priest on a train, get into a conversation about this that and the other. After a while, the priest asks the rabbi, 'I know it's true that you rabbis can't eat pork, but did you ever give into temptation, you know, and try a bit?'

The rabbi answers, 'well, I have to admit, yes I did, once or twice, much to my regret. Now while we're on the subject, I hope you don't mind me asking you if you ever gave into temptation as regards your vow of celibacy'

'Well, yes, I did. Not much, but a bit'.

Silence for a while, after which the Rabbi pipes up, 'better than pork, isn't it?'

Dan-O

An elderly man walks into a confessional. The following conversation ensues:
Man: "I am 92 years old, have a wonderful wife of 70 years, many children, grandchildren, and great grandchildren. Yesterday, I picked up two college girls, hitchhiking. We went to a motel, where I had sex with each of them three times."
Priest: "Are you sorry for your sins?"
Man: "What sins?"
Priest: "What kind of a Catholic are you?"
Man: "I'm Jewish."
Priest: "Why are you telling me all this?"
Man: "I'm telling everybody."

Black Sheep

On their way to a justice of the peace to get married, a couple had a fatal car accident.

Next thing they know, they're sitting outside the Pearly Gates and Saint Peter's about to do an intake. They ask him if there's any way they could get married in heaven. Saint Peter says, 'I don't know. This is the first time anyone has ever asked. Let me go and find out.'

The couple wait for what seems like hours, the hours turn into days, and the days into weeks. By this time they're beginning to wonder if they really should get married in Heaven, what with the eternal aspect of it all.

'What if it doesn't work out?' they wonder. 'Are we stuck together forever?'

Several weeks pass, and finally Saint Peter returns, looking somewhat bedraggled.

'Yes,' he informs the couple, 'You can get married in Heaven.' 'Great,' says the couple, 'but what if things don't work out? Could we also get a divorce in Heaven?'

Saint Peter, red-faced, slams his clipboard onto the ground.

'What's wrong?' ask the couple, somewhat frightened by Saint Peter's reaction.

'Come off it!' Saint Peter exclaims. 'It took me over a month to find a priest up here! Do you have any idea how long it's going to take to find a lawyer?'

Some Jokes

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