by JH 24 Replies latest jw friends
I remember a month ago, receiving a slip at my door, saying that the memorial is this coming Sunday, and it was signed by an elder, saying "your brother" elder so and so. It was as if he and I were at the same level by writting "your brother". The first reaction I had, seeing "your brother", acted as if we had a special bond, with a responsibility attached to it.
Do you think that being called "Brother or Sister" is a way of manipulating you, a way of getting more out of you?
I think the way this works is on two levels. In one sense there is a natural affinity for people, and those with enough of an open heart might feel this. But of course this may be in a psychological sense too, as if someone who thinks and believes the same things becomes so intimate with you on ideas alone. Because the first connection is natural it is already there, but reinforcing it in a religious context ties it in with a certain mindset, so that it becomes identified with your religious identity. So whether one does it consciously, I do think that natural connection is being used to support a religious agenda sometimes. Hell, you can be selling Amway or something.
We are Borg. We think with one mind, serve with one thought. We are the same. United. Resistence is futile. We are Borg
When I was "in" being called "sister" made me feel special. After all, I was part of this wonderful, exclusive group of people who were going to live forever. After I was "out" I was at a friends house and her daughter called me "sister". I truly got a sick feeling in my stomach. It seemed so superficial. That was several years ago and I am glad I have never been called "sister" since then.
At first I thought it was COR-NY. But after awhile it was routine. I actually never felt it was all that intimate to call someone brother-so-in-so or sister so-in-so because it was not on a first name basis. Our first name was stripped away and replaced with the generic brother or sister...We were Borg--brother and sister were our designations--we were all the same--no first names used at the KH meetings.
I think it's a way of creating a false sense of family and of making people assume a false responsibility for each other. That's one of the big reasons the whole stumbling argument is so powerful. If they said "don't wear a pink dress shirt because it might stumble people who attend the same church as you" a lot of people would say "yeah, and?". But if they say it might stumble your brothers and sisters, that triggers all the guilt and loyalty feelings of real family members. That's my theory, anyway.
I didn't have a problem with it except when people referred to me as "my sister," which was a dead giveaway they'd forgotten my name.
Nina
I remember always being told that it was a term of affection rather than a title, which makes it strange that I was called "Brother Walsh" and not "Brother Derek".
I hardly ever got called sister. I went to the same hall as my brother and his wife, so to avoid confusion they called her Sister XXXXXXX and me by my first name, whenever either of us answered. Like I was her kid, or something.
One JW guy I worked with used to adress me as Sister XXXXX in front of the customers, whenever he was mad at me. We'd be working all day, calling each other Sister and Brother in such a pissy way , I have no idea what the customers thought! So, for me it always felt a bit like an insult when anybody called me Sister.
Now, I'm not Sister or Mrs. or Miss or Ms., I just go by my given name, so a fair number of my friends don't even know what my last name is.
Actually, the first time I went to another religious service and was called "sister" it made me realize that JWs are not the only ones to use that term. I found it used insincerely at the KH.
Blondie
