by in a new york bethel minute 21 Replies latest social family
I used to have those nightmares too when I was a JW. I always worried I wasn't good enough.
After we left it, I lost the guilt and the nightmares stopped. Now I have nightmares about going off my diet, or wetting the bed. (seriously) Must be my age.
I had a terrible nightmare that my husband died and I was remarrying. I woke up screaming.
Welcome!!!
No I never had any nightmares about Armageddon.
I have had recent nightmares about certain JW family members that were cruel to me during my divorce....
Codeblue
I used to get nightmares all the time about the end of the world...running around, trying to save people, trying to get organized, knowing I could get zapped any minute by a bolt from God.
However, the more time I spend out of the religion the less I have dreams of that nature. I still have the running around I am not good enough dreams, but at least they have not taken on that armagedon type feel...hee hee!
How long have you been out?
I remember when I was a JW and had those Armageddon dreams.. they were a cross between the destruction that was happening as they were trying to escape with their lives in Deep Impact... and the Empire Strikes Back movie when those HUGE machines (At-ats) were walking thorugh and trampling everything in site.. it was like there was no where to run
I just had one last night. I was going to a the memorial at the KH, but I didn't want to at all and I was feeling horrible being there like I was trapped, but then I said to myself--remember you don't have to do this for anyone else. Later in the dream I was back at the KH and feeling horrible again--this time it was kind of all disconnected--the hall was rather dusty and I was having another disconnnected conversation with a group of sister about saw dust or woodchips--basically about nothing--I felt bored and frustrated in my dream and wanted to get away from this irratating conversation. I woke up feeling depressed and have had a headache most of the day...
How long have you been out?
officially, zero days. unofficially, about a year now. all my friends and family are witnesses and so i have a lot of face to save. and to me it's worth it to save a bit of face until Jesus comes on a cloud with the angels of heaven and tells them that what they've been doing all these years was wrong. or wait, didn't Jesus do that in 1874? i mean 1914?
Beth-hell
so let me get something straight. when you are around your friends and family, you go along with what they say, do what they do, and talk how they talk, and when you are secretly on this website, you do the same thing with the people here? i will take your messages at face-value and write my reply with the idea that you do not believe the jehovahs witness religion is "correct". and we all know about saving face, but i dont think one person on this website, or anywhere on the planet has ever regretted being honest with loved ones about what is right in their heart of hearts. by your posts on this website, you seem to have no love at all for the religion of jehovahs witnesses. not what they teach, not what they do, and not those who stand up for the religion because they believe the filth. a double-life is never healthy, whether you are a witness pretending not to be, or a non-witness pretending to be. especially since one of the main symptoms of insecurity, low self esteem and depression includes the need for attention/ the need for acceptance. the height of this lack of emotional health (i will bet was not helped by being a jehovahs witness) can be seen in people who are living a "double-life".
i am sorry if it seems as if i am making assumptions about you or your personality, and i hope i am wrong, but some of the things you say in your messages remind me of the things my little brother would have said when he was going through this stuff. and it wasnt happy times. the only advice i think anyone can give is to stand up for what you believe in. that might not mean preaching to your witness friends or family about your beliefs, or lack-of belief in their teachings. that might not mean apostacising or fighting with them all the time. but at least in your mind and in their eyes, you can make a stand. you can do this easily, just by not attending. if/when they bother you about it, tell them straight up - "i dont believe in this" or whatever you are feeling. the conversation that will result in your standing up for yourself will then be like a light turning on in your head, either helping you to go where you belong, or helping you to stay away where you belong. (one recommendation i can make, though would be to not carry the conversation to the point of arguing with a group of elders. it does no good, at least for their sakes, assuming you have a brotherly love fore them. and it wastes a lot of time. if anything, talking one-on-one with any of them would do more good. and get you LESS disfellowshipped. leave, but leave peacfully and quietly.)
everyone wants to be understood by the people they love and who they feel love them. the days/months/years you spend "on the fence" are not completely wasted years, but they dont do much good for the progress in the rest of your life, so the sooner you are clear with the people you love, the sooner you can move ahead. and if you can get off the fence in a quiet and unassuming fashion, so as not to generate enough fear in your family's minds, you probably will not even be disfellowshipped. carrying on in your respect for them, while at the same time building a respect for yourself will help you and everyone who comes in contact with you. mental and emotional health can be ours! and brothers, isn't that a reward in itself?
i used to have nightmares as a child. thunder and lightning storms terrified me. for many years before i went to my bedroom i would ask my mother if armageddon was coming tonight.
as an adult i do not have nightmares about armageddon. but i sometimes have daymares. my waking imagination of what might happen to this world, by whatever means, is not pleasant.
I Still get those and I am 28 seems like i will have them forever.
Hi Soledad
I was so terrified that I couldn't even move.
I think what you have just described is called sleep paralysis.
Sleep paralysis is a condition in which someone, most often lying in a supine (face up) position, about to drop off to sleep, or just upon awaking from sleep realizes that s/he is unable to move, or speak, or cry out. This may last a few seconds or several moments, occasionally longer. People frequently report feeling a 'presence' that is often described as malevolent, threatening, or evil. An intense sense of dread and terror is very common. The presence is likely to be vaguely felt or sensed just out of sight but thought to be watching or monitoring, often with intense interest, sometimes standing by, or sitting on the bed. On some occasions, the presence may attack, strangling and exerting crushing pressure on the chest. http://www.dreamsnightmares.com/sleepparalysis.htmlI used to get lots of these episodes a few years back. They can last from a few seconds to few hours.
