by happehanna 27 Replies latest jw experiences
My friends and daughters say that I am more relaxed and I seem happier in my own skin.
which is just great, but when I first started reading stuff here I was a quivering mess, I was in shock, but spending more time researching things are now slotting into place.
I had already decided it was not "the truth" before I found this site, but I was crippled with guilt and uncertainty.
Finding this site was such a relief as I realized I was not alone. In the last six months or so I have learnt to trust my instincts, and have enjoyed finding new friends who truly understand the difficulties of leaving in a way that nobody in the "world" or in the "truth" could really comprehend.
Without wanting to sound cheesy, I really don't know how I would have got though this time with out this board.
Thank-you Simon!!!
Pudd xxx
I think the real beauty of this site is that it gives one strength to go forward. We realise we are not alone and that there are people who feel exactly the same, perhaps even in the same town. Had we not come here we may never have realised that.
I, too, came here with some trepidation but once my post 'Torn Apart' received so many encouraging replies I've never looked back. That's taught me a real lesson. Newbies need to be welcomed all the time - and that does tend to happen. I found immense encouragement here and I feel obliged to encourage others. We're a fast growing 'movement' us XJWS!
So, yes, I've definitely changed for the better since coming here. Initially I was somewhat aggressive, not towards my fellow posters, but angry that 19 years of my life could have been better spent. Again, there are so many others here who felt the same - many having been Borgites a lot longer. I've now learnt to let go; to move on - but at the same time I'm always ready to help in any way I can to make another brick in Watchtower's walls crumble. Some things are done behind the scenes, because we can't let Watchtower get wind of it (we know it monitors this site).
I still don't like seeing JWs in my town - but not out of fear (they usually run the other way when they see me). I just don't like reminders of what I was part of and those people are potentially injuring others. I'd like them out of my town for good.
Like most people who first come here I had no avitar and an alias. Now, I want Watchtower to know EXACTLY who I am, which is why I use my real name and post a photograph. I hope it encourages others, because I've learnt that once one comes right out into the open the fear evaporates incredibly quickly. That's the greatest enemy of people here - fear! I understand why many can't be so open, but I always jump for joy when another reveals who he/she is, such as Corvin most recently.
Eventually, so many will be open and fearless that Watchtower just won't be able to handle it. When it realises people don't give a damn its hold will be broken forever and more and more will exit. In the relatively short time I've been here I've seen many wonderful changes in people. They are a lot bolder on the whole and it's also immensely satisfying to see so many younger ones exiting - the internet proving invaluable.
Something else I've learnt is that I'll never be suckered into any religious or other group ever again. My sons are certainly going to be more discerning. Four out of six of my family left the Borg at the same time - this site helping a great deal, not so much with our exiting, but with helping us put ourselves back together. It helped us heal a lot quicker than we might have done. For that I'll be eternally grateful.
Ian
Most certainly I have changed, and for the better.
I remember when i was a teen, I broke down once and exclaimed to my mother and one of my brothers, "I am so tired of feeling guilty all of the time!"
My mother looked at me sympathetically, but my brother who was a self-righteous pioneer at the time shot back, "Well quit doing things to feel guilty about!"
I hadn't done anything wrong, that was the thing. The org, however, heaps mass amounts of guilt upon you and shames you for the smallest of things . . . what you listen to on the radio, the kind of clothes you wear, feeling horny and doing something about it, not spending enough time in field service, missing a meeting, not commenting at the meetings and it goes on and on.
The fear! OMG, the fear we learn to have! We fear to question, we fear to think for ourselves and reason when something in the org does not fit or make sense. We fear that we don't appear spiritual and conformative when we walk into the kingdom hall, we fear death as the penalty for not "keeping in step with Jehovah's organization" and disagreeing with unreasonable edicts from the GB. The fear is paralyzing and it prevents you from thinking, growing . . . breathing. The fear of being alone.
Of course there was the anger. All the time there was the rage that bubbled just 'neath the surface. I was always ready to explode, and I was pissed off all the time with an intermingling of frustration that came from the illusions created for me through the org, the lack of control, the pain of not being prepared for the real world because of the so-called "spiritual paradise" I was bound to.
How have I changed? I no longer feel the guilt, but instead, pride and dignity. I no longer fear, for the interpretations and predictions of the Almighty GB have proved false, and here I am, 37 now, still trying to make it in this system of things when I had been promised that I would never even reach adulthood in this system of things . . . that I would be petting my own pet tiger by that time . . . eating fruit off the trees of the earthly paradise. I oppose the organization and its headship, and as Dansk mention in response to one of recent posts, "the fear falls away in chunks" and it has been thus. The anger has all but evaporated and I can now form meaningful relationships with those I choose.
The support and love, the "common bond" of us apostates has been a far greater source of strength and encouragement for me. Finding those who have been through it all is a source of comfort and inspiration.
If there is an almighty god, the one the Bible speaks of, I can only say that it must have been He who delivered me and my children from the organization of Jehovah's Witnesses. It must have been He who helped to open my eyes to the truth about "The Truth", and it must have been He who brought me to this forum.
Thanks to all for your love and support!
Corvin
........i'm still the same ole' questioning smartass kid that started asking back in the day =D but i am more open in supporting everyone in their actions.....
Hi, I have been reading this board for the last three weeks. My husband at first couldn't understand why I keep on reading. It was an actual obsession I think. I have not been to a meeting in about 8 years.I, like so many others grew up a JW, my mom, brother and his family, uncle and his family still are. I am married to a non-jw which I believe is my saving grace. I was df'd at 18 came back after I was married and had a child because I didn't know how to raise a child "in the world" and I was so fearful of what would "happen" to him. What a joke. After about 3 months we ran. I couldn't believe how things had "changed" - many of the things that I remember growing up were now being taught differently. And I was not feeling the LOVE that is supposed to be so prevalant. I remember attending the Memorial for the first time after years and having an elders wife say to her elders wife daughter how they "couldn't believe how many people showed up only for the memorial and didn't go to any other meetings, why would they even bother coming." Basically, that reminded me of so many other complete asses that attend the meetings and I called my mom and told her there was no way in hell I was ever going back. He answer was that this "sister" was just a person and we can't judge the organization on imperfect people. What a crock! How else are we supposed to see the "love", right? Am I crazy here? any way- I just wanted to say that reading this board has really helped me see the light. I have prayed and prayed for the answer- you know, "is it the truth, show me if it's the truth" prayer. Guess what- I found this board the next day. Thanks for letting me ramble- I guess I needed to find a place where people actually understand the psychological abuse that happens with the JW's. By the way- what is a dub?
WELCOME TRUTH SEEKER
Great to have you here!
Ian
How has this board effected me? I find myself masturbating far more often....j/k er maybe. The people here are really nice, basically I'm a writer and writing a story about JW as somewhat of a healing process. This forum provides endless ideas for stuff to throw in. Also due to the lighthearted nature it's nicer than the bitter sites that are out there. Those sites just make it seem like sour grapes, here it's like "It didn't fit with me, it's all good I'm better now" I like that mentality because it's the one I share.
Welcome truthseeker. You asked:
By the way- what is a dub?
Its a term used to describe Jehovahs witnesses, as in J W, as in Jay - Dubya.
yes I have changed. I went from a person who had decided to quit being a JW, but yet thought they still were the truth, so I was living my own death sentence...
and.. everyone here released me...
