Hey mate. I am relatively new to this board, and have been outta the b0rg for a year now, but I have only just told my parents back in England that I'm out, so I have lost much also. I just wanted to drop you a message and offer any help I can give. I have been a manic depressive for as long as I remember. I only just got on my depression medication (Zoloft) and they have doubled my dosage already to 100mg.
I was pretty much the same as you, not even thinking about going to a doc. I always convinced myself that I would be "giving in" if I took meds, and that it would just show even more how weak I am. Just recently though, I finally decided that since it is a chemical imbalance, then (just like a headache) meds would be the best thing for it. Although I feel a little better in myself, there is still much mental work to be done.
Studies have shown that a combination of therapy and meds is best. For your case, I think this would be a good idea. The therapy will help a LOT with what you are going through with your wife etc. The meds will help you counteract the physical effects of depression, i.e. lack of energy / motivation etc.
Something that helped me, and this may not be recommended for everyone, is confronting my depression aggressively. Sure, I prayed, I took my meds, but all that only managed to help me get through the day. What sometimes helps a little though, is finding the heaviest, most dark, macabre music I have and laying down on the floor listening to it. Many people think that all heavy music is Satanic, this is bunk. Although there is much music that does have Satanic undertones, there is even more that sings about love, romance, death, etc., just be sure to read the lyrics before trying this (a few bands I recommend: Forest of Shadows, Nile, Type-O-Negative). Allow the sound of the music to take over you, feel the pain in it, cry if you feel like it. I almost use this as a form of meditation to confront my demons, and get thoughts and feelings over with.
If heavy music does nothing for you (understandable), then just meditate alone. Don't be put off by the stereotypical monk sat cross legged on top of a mountain... Just lay on your bed, relax all your muscles, then close your eyes and breathe deeply. Let your thoughts and feelings flow. Don't think about your problems, but just be a spectator to your thoughts, let them come and go. After a few sessions you will get better. Often after meditating like this, I will feel as refreshed as if I had slept for hours, and I will be mentally more alert and level headed. If you would like more info on this, check out the links section on my new web-site www.your-reality.com , the link is on the left. There are links to a few meditation sites there.
One of the biggest hurdles for me, was that being depressed caused me to feel that I deserved it somehow, because I didn't have the mental strength to overcome it by myself. This, again, was a big reason for me not wanting to get meds. Just keep in mind it is a chemical imbalance. Either you don't produce enough serotonin, or your brain absorbs too much of it to be of use. SSRIs (Selective Serotonin Reuptake Inhibitors) are usually helpful in either case.
Just as depression is a downward spiral, getting out of depression is like an upward spiral. As you take your meds (and get counselling), you feel better able to cope with your problems, and when you can cope with your problems, you feel less depressed, which gives you more confidence in approaching the world, and when you have more confidence, you can (again) tackle your problems better. Just remember though... meds only build this staircase. YOU must climb it.
Well, I didnt mean this to be such a ramble, but just writing this has helped me a little, as I sincerely hope it helps you. If you ever need anything mate, let me know. You can contact me at [email protected] . Also, I am on MSN Messenger as [email protected] .
And now everyone on the board probably thinks I am a depressive, Satanic-music-listening, thinks-hes-a-doctor, meditating, know-it-all weirdo... I'm out.
FMZ
