Would like opinions

Kismet

As I have posted previously I am inactive but have disappeared from the ranks quietly. My JW family know nothing of my departure from the Org except that I am not as "zealous" as I once was for the Org.

Here's the dilemna, my sister's mother in law (a JW) is dying of cancer. (The docs say she could go today, this week, in two weeks..they just don't know) She is a phenomenal caring person and has always been a kind gentle soul with all she has met. Truly a gem. While visiting her at the hospital yesterday she mentioned that she wants me to say the prayer at her funeral.

Aside from the morbidity of speaking with someone about their own funeral I was unnerved. I am an active opposer of the religion. Now I am being asked to say a prayer in a Kingdom Hall as if I am still in good standing.

I responded that I am sure one of the elders in the Hall would be better suited than me to do this, but she insisted that I am as close as family without actually being part of it and that she has always respected me and it would make her happy to know I was going to do this.

So when she dies, do I do this. Does it make me a hypocrite if I do knowing full well that if people knew of my online activities I would not even be welcome nevermind say a prayer.

If I admit that I am no longer a JW it would crush this poor lady.

I could just say no but again would hurt her feelings. I could wait till she has died and then bow out of the duty.

Any way I am considering all options right now and would be interested in your thoughts.

Thanks

Seven

Kismet, This goes beyond religion. This is about one human being asking another to say a few words
at her funeral. Forget the Org. She is trusting you with giving her a good send-off Kismet, don't let her down. If she is truly a gem as you say then she deserves to have you do this honor. She must think you are a gem too. Think about it. She doesn't want one of the elders.
7

RedhorseWoman

I agree with 7. You wouldn't be doing this as a JW, but as a tribute to a friend. Let the others think whatever they want to, but just offer a simple prayer from the heart in honor of this special woman.

Simon

Redhorse and Seven have summed it up really...do it for her because she has asked you to. It is something beyond individual beliefs and they shouldn't get in the way of remembering someone special.

Pathofthorns

I would have to agree with the others here. Do the lady the honor, and spare her the bad news. Its too late in life for her to be sad and perhaps go out questioning her own faith.

Your real problem will be your family. Eventually you have to tell them. It sucks but in the end its quite a relief that they know, even if they have nothing to do with you.

Path

SolidSender

Kismet,

I’ll take the rather risky Christian stance, and assume that you are not embellishing this story in some way and that there is “not a more likely scenario” I need be "lovingly" made aware of.

In my opinion this type of dilemma you face exemplifies the depth of mindless, childish, stupidity entailed in handing ones conscience over to a group of men to control, ie. The WTS.

THE PROBLEM IS THEIRS NOT YOURS.

That a grown man, at the funeral of a loved one, will be shouldered with the added burden of trying to maintain his dignity amid the inexcusable scape-goating that will undoubtedly occur is totally beyond my comprehension.

I offer my condolences in advance and may Gods love grant you strength and faith during this trying time.SolidSender

waiting

Hey Kismet,

You and everybody else has spoken about your feelings for this woman. What about speaking about this woman - perhaps a good episode all could identify with - perhaps not even about being a jw - just a person. If you were asked, you could say you wanted to say something that all present could identify with her. Comforting to all, not just jw's.

Perhaps just end with the thought that Jehovah God will surely remember this good woman?

You could use the KISS principle. Keep It Simple Stupid. Works for me in indelicate situations.
No comments, Red!

If you decide not to, that's your decision also. She'll never know - do what makes you comfortable and feel at peace.

I personally don't think I could talk at another's funeral, course no one has asked me either. Won't discuss that either.

waiting

SolidSender

Kismet - Waitings suggestion sounds good. As this should provide Friend with an opportunity to drop by and post a more likely scenario on the woman’s character based on a few facts, the prevalent rather than the peculiar and the norm rather than the exception as he always so lovingly, thoughtfully and compassionately does to postings of unreliable anecdotal expression.SolidSender

Friend

Kismet

For a couple of reasons your dilemma might not have to be as great as it seems. First, if the funeral is held in a Kingdom Hall-which I presume it will be-then you may not be allowed to offer a public prayer as part of the service if you are known as an opposer by even one local elder. Second, who says you must say an audible prayer during the normal funeral service? If you believe in God-and your sister's mother-in-law believes that you do-then saying your own prayer in her behalf, audible or not, at the KH service or not, will have the same effect. (James 5:16)

How does the family feel about you offering a public prayer for this purpose? If the family takes no exception to the idea then your prayers with them in behalf of this woman will probably serve as a comfort and mark a true memorial, which is a funeral.

Finally, whether you are allowed to or not, if you have faith in God you should certainly speak to him about your feelings regarding this woman, your devoted friend.

Friend

Kismet

Thank you all for your comments.

Friend:

No-one knows about my activities or my inactivity. As far as the elders are concerned I am still a brother in good standing. And yes the rest of the family thought it was a good idea that I close the memorial service in prayer.

Seven, RHW, Simon, PathofThorns, Waiting and SS:

A sincere thank you. I gave serious thought to your comments and suggestions and have formulated a prayer that I can say and not feel like a hypocrite. I was asked to do this as a close friend not because of religious persuasion nor for current title held. I might be more apt to say no if she was asking thinking I was still an elder but she knows that I stepped aside years ago.

Hopefully I won't have to do it any time soon but am clearer as to what my response will be.

Thanks for letting me use you as a sounding board and for your support and comments.

Kismet

PS - Seven check your ICQ once in a while would ya?!?!? [8>]

Edited by - Kismet on 2 August 2000 8:50:49

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