Well, tonite, I finally said what I had to say to my live-in. I've shared just a tiny bit of the insanity I've been thru and put up with with this man...............for three years.
There is a saying when you've had enough, you'll stop. I have. Today, after pacing like a restless tiger in the house and not wanting to do any of the things I suggested, he called a cab and is on his way to buy crack and hang out with an old friend from his past.
When I met him, he was sober and drug free. We both had the same interests and the same desire to try to build a life together. Then, he started using again. Don't ask me what I thought I could do against the slavering monster of drug addiction. My dad was an alcoholic, not a "drug" addict. I guess I just lacked the insight and experience to tell me that this was a hopeless situation. Yes, my friends all tried to talk to me and tell me it wouldn't work, but, I thought I could get him to stop. I'm now over that fairy tale belief. Three long years of this and 1 1/2 years of him living here. It's been hell, but, I'm ready to come out and start over. Tonite was proof to me that he didn't want to change his self destructive path. Here I am facing this situation at work, and instead of being supportive and helpful, he's screaming at me that he wants to go party. I told him straight out tonite that I have no interest in "partying" the way he wants to. For him, partying is going and sitting at a bar drinking for two hours, then going over to a friends house and continuing to drink til he gets totally stupid. There is no fun in sitting there all night watching your mate get drunker and drunker...........I tried joining in to see if it would be fun...........it wasn't..........I just woke up with a horrible headache and a sick stomach and my mouth so dry I couldn't even swallow. Too many wasted hours trying to work with that scenario. I'm just not that kind of person. I want to lose the weight I've put on and get back to hiking and doing things in nature again. I want to travel. I want to meet new people and try some new things and see new places. I realize that he and I are now on two totally different paths in life and they are not compatible. So, I asked him to please not come home tonite. I asked for his keys and he gave them to me. He had the nerve to ask me to drive him over to his friend's house and I told him I would not be an instrument to bring him into contact with drugs. I've so settled for so long and now I just want to get him out of my apartment and get my life back on track. I'm sharing all of this with you, because you are the only family I have. Some of you know I've been struggling with this for some time, and I wanted you to know that I've finally done the healthy thing for me! Look out, cuz, there's no looking back from this point on!!
Terri
