On and off again JW girlfriend

by Crzysin 25 Replies latest social relationships

  • ToesUp

    I would ask myself the personal question. If I did not have the girlfriend, would I want to get baptized?

  • Whynot

    She's 31 and is still being manipulated by her family. This will definitely continue after marriage and I promise you, it will cause A LOT of problems. I have seen a lot of marriages fail by letting family meddle and manipulate. Why do you want a marriage like this? I know it can be difficult to find a decent partner but you shouldn't have to sacrifice your dignity in order to be in a relationship.

    Why do you keep getting back with her? If I were you I would give her an ultimatum. She's too old to be acting like a child and letting others dictate her life. You don't need someone like that, I'm sorry. You may want to analyze and ask yourself why you keep getting back together with her. I don't know you but it's defintely not healthy to want to marry someone like this woman. You're willing to sacrifice a lot for her and it sounds like she's not doing much for you.

    Fyi: I have worked for a divorce attorney for 10 years. I have seen your kind of relationships fail very frequently. If they stay together it's usually because one of them is always putting up with all the crap. Eventually they get fed up and leave or stay and suffer from all kinds of emotional and mental issues.

  • out4good4

    You should look up and read posts by a poster who used to be here by the name of SD-7. He followed the same playbook you are currently going by against the advice of all of the board and the result was a slow motion train wreak.

    You should get as far away from this woman as you can. That piece of ass is not worth all the trauma it will bring to your life.

  • Incognito


    You have not stated what you or your GF think about the JW religion. Do you still hold that it is 'The Truth'? Does she?

    Your GF is old enough to make her own decisions but is choosing to disregard how she wishes to live her life and is disrespecting you as her fiance. You are taken for granted as you continue to be there for her, even after she throws you away and treats you like dirt. She places her family on a higher level than you or even herself, allowing them to dictate her life. If your GF remains content to allow her family to continue to control her, that will continue even if you were to marry.

    If you cave-in to comply with her family's demands, you are then allowing them to control you too. Where do you think their control will stop? There will always be something more you and she need to do to keep their favour. Think of the example this sets for both your child and hers.

  • sir82

    It's difficult to imagine a worse decision than "getting baptized as a JW solely for the purpose of marrying a JW".

  • Half banana
    Half banana

    Don't even think for a moment about getting dunked as a Jehovah's Witness for any reason.

    It is like throwing your life away, your freedom to choose what you want to do or say. You would most certainly regret it.

    If you married your girlfriend, even if she agreed without you being baptised it is almost inevitable that there would be repercussions. She might well decide she needs to devote all her time to the cult, she may insist that your offspring will not have a blood transfusion etc. It would be hell. There is a better life elswhere which has nothing to do with cult obligations.

    Only if you are mentally feeble, uneducated, friendless and desperately poor AND totally incompetent should you consider becoming a JW.

  • stan livedeath
  • TD


    I would ask myself the personal question. If I did not have the girlfriend, would I want to get baptized?

  • Giordano

    If I understand correctly the women you co-parent with is not a JW?

    You said: I'm 31, was an unbaptized publisher, have a daughter with a lesbian and we co-parent. No JW family.

    So the blood issue would not apply as your girlfriend would not be your daughter's legal parent.

    However if she is under the care of your possibly JW believing wife and you and your daughter's mother are out of out of touch and your daughter is involved in an accident, god forbid, receives a serious traumatic injury that would call for a life saving blood transfusion immediately and knowing that you and her mother would approve how would she handle that decision? Would she not be Disfellowshiped once again? I believe she would be.

    We had to make a decision about our son and his JW grandmother. That if we let him stay with her and were hundreds of miles away on one of our frequent business trips. Would she respond differently and not approve of a BT because of her beliefs? She obfuscated and never gave us a clear answer. So we never let our son stay with her unless we were with him.

    It's very cut and dry with JW's and some time you have to be very cut and dry.

    If your still reading your reply's most of us understand that she is probably under a great deal of family pressure to stop seeing you. If you get married you will be shunned. She will probably face continued pressure to leave you as they will not consider you the spiritual head of the household so nothing you have to say will matter to them. In fact to their way of thinking, since you were an unbaptized publisher, you would be considered an apostate which in their minds is worse then a pedophile (who they tend to downplay, even protect if there isn't a second witness to the crime).

    If there is any additional information you want to share feel free to do so.

    Please keep in mind that a fair number of folks who responded to your post have experienced loss of close family members, loss of close friends, even employment.

  • hybridous

    The emotional cost of breaking up will be infinitely smaller than what you will both bear, should you undergo this.

    It's clear that you don't *really* fully believe in the religious doctrine (if you did, we wouldn't be having this conversation).

    You will not be able to fake your dedication to this cult. It will wear you down

    It will put a big cloud over your marriage. A cloud that only YOU can see, but can't talk about and resolve. You'll be miserable, or maybe insane from trying to convince yourself that you're happy, and it was all worth it.

    She's not worth it. No one is.

    I used to think I knew someone who was, but I was wrong. Now I realize that I couldn't have been right in that regard, because you (or I) can't live a life for someone else.

    Don't do it, even if for her sake. If you pretend to believe (but really don't), she will feel deceived when you eventually give out.

    Good on you for putting this out there. There are people in this crowd who know. Look at the overwhelming message you're getting...

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