Desib77...Read the posts on the subject "To all you faders out there" this one helped me to sort my thoughts in regards to my issues, which are similiar to what you are asking...
Loss of Family
by desib77 15 Replies latest jw friends
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desib77
I'm curious. I know that when someone is disfellowshipped than association stops with them. I am pretty sure family members can still have contact with them, though. Is this different with disassociation since it was the person's choice?
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gitasatsangha
Dissassociation is not necessarilly someone's choice.
If you join the army or take a blood transfusion, THEY disfellowship YOU and call it a disassociation for legal reasons. Likewise if you send in a letter saying you aren't a JW anymore, you haven't expresely stated you are voluntarilly giving up your friends and familes. Again, a bunch of middle-aged powermongers come up with that decision of DA'ing for you based on the rules they have in a book normal witnesses are not allowed to read, and from instructions from special training that normal witnesses are not allowed to receive.
I didn't DA myself. I stated that I wasn't a JW anymore. They DA'd ME.
As for effects, DA'ing is basically the same as DF'ing.
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Sassy
technically they are not supposed to associate with someone disfellowshipped OR dissassiated.. They probably consider disassociation worse, because you aren't necessarily even giving in to 'weaknesses' (IN THEIR EYES) where as you are questioning the faith itself or your actions cause them to think you are, something they do not want to spread, and so would consider one especially bad association..
According to the RULES, association should be to a minimum, i.e,. crises only such as hospitalization, death in the family, etc.. etc..
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Puternut
Yes I have lost ALL family. My two daughters are dubs and want nothing to do with me anymore. My oldest is getting married this fall, and I am NOT to be there. My only brother who lives in Europe has cut me off as well. And so has my mother, she never wants to see me again ever. That is all the family I have, and so I have no family anymore in that respect.
How do I cope with it>? It's not easy believe me. Especially when you have pictures in your hand. But I need to remind myself that, it's THEIR decision. I have not cut them off ever. It hurts not to socialize with family, but I will always be related to them. So rather than feeling bad for myself, I really feel bad for them, that an organization puts these restrictions on them. All I can hope for, is that in time, they will also see the new light, and make the necessary changes. Meanwhile I have to go on with life....................
Puternut
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Carmel
Like many of the others, my entire family disowned me and considered me "dead". So like Elswhere, I simply developed new friends, and became very close to a couple families that considered me their own. Both were more genuine in there love than my "publisher" family would evefr be. Sad but true. You make your way and some will follow, others will follow the pied piper of fear and guilt engrained into them by the society.
carmel