CyberSex

DreamMaster

CyberSex: Real or Fantasy!

I would like to tell you good people a story and when I'm finished I would appreciate your honest opinion as I know you wouldn't give me anything less.

My wife and I have been fighting about a situation which recently arose in our home. Actually, thanks to the wonderful feature "message archive" found in Yahoo Messenger, I found more than one EXTREMELY SEXUAL conversations with another man. These conversations were so sexual that it suffices to say that a cigarette would not have been enough. She probably smoked a pack. After finding these messages I saved them in a dirctory deep in my computer and waited for the next one. The next few days were excruciating. I could not sleep, I didn't want to go to work from fear that this "affair" would continue but I knew the archive was enabled.

I hated even seeing her log on now. Everytime she got on the computer I was very jealous as if she was making love to the machine itself. If you're a man you may be able to relate to this, or maybe not. My insecurity stems from my wife already having a "record" of this kind of thing but with a real person.

One day, I watched her log on and noticed that she was in the messenger preferences menu. I was at least 5 ft. behind her but she didn't know I was looking. That's when she changed her password, something she had never done. I knew then I had no more access to her messenger archives(previous conversations). That's when I exploded. I confronted her about the cybersex she was having and demanded an explanation.

Her answer: It wasn't real! The words, thoughts, and feelings that truly "existed" as a result of this experience were very real to me. She says they were ficticious but I told her the orgasm she had was not. She talks to this guy on a regular basis, even when I'm around. I didn't mind until now. She hid these conversations, snuck around talking after I was asleep, and willingly participated in step by step sex with this guy but "it wasn't real" yeah right!

She tells me it's no different than when I look at nude pictures on the net. That's what you're here for. Can you compare mutually exchanging ideas and dialogue to the point of extasy to looking at a picture. I could never sleep with a picture but if she really wanted to, she could meet up with this guy. Afterall, they already feel comfortable with each other and to me, that's how it all starts.

What do you think? I need help with this situation; my marriage is on the line. This wouldn't be such a big deal if she didn't already have a history and now I wonder if I'll ever be able to trust her. The bible says in Mark 7:20 "That which issues forth out of a man is what defile a man." This woman commited adultery in mind body and soul, therefore it was just as real as if she had physically done it. I'm not looking for an excuse to leave my wife. I just want to make a point. Can you help me?

thinkers wife

DM,
It sounds very real to me. And I am a woman, obvious by my name.
Have you considered marriage counseling? This seems to be the only recourse at this juncture, if you are interested (and she) in saving the marriage.
I know of a man whoes wife engaged in this sort of thing. They are divorced. As even though it started with cyber sex, it led to some real encounters.
Just out of curiosity, are either of you JW's?
TW

Gopher

DM,

I'm with TW on this one. It sounds very real. Do you have dependent children? The reason I ask is that it sounds like like your wife has driven a stake through the heart of your marriage, sad to say. It may be time to move on (I know you didn't want to hear that). I'm familiar with the dynamics of this, as it happened to someone very close to me.

The trust is gone. She knew you were onto her when she changed the password. She made excuses when confronted, rather than even beginning to acknowledge the harm she has done, let alone be open to taking steps to make things better.

You deserve better. So sorry.

Gopher, enjoying the fresh air

hippikon

Who are you? Will you be back? Why are you asking us? Wellcome to the board!

logical

From where im sitting its plain adultery. She is willingly having "cyber" sex with another man, behind your back. Guaranteed if she met him in real life then the "cyber" part of it would go straight out of the window.

Gopher is right too.

Francois

Hippikon - Who knows why he's asking us? Maybe he's a JW and thinks apostates have a unique perspective on this kinda thing? I dunno, but I'm puzzled too.

DreamMaster - Yuh, I think it's illicit sex, just like a blowjob in the oval office is sex. It's amazing what people define as "not sex" when it's as sexual as you can get.

Many dynamics like you describe lead to phone calls, which lead to trips outta town, which lead to heavy-duty hide the canolli sessions. If it's true that "if you keep on looking at a woman" so that you lust after her in your heart, well you know the rest.

And I'm afraid that this opinion that cybersex is sex is shared by: Playboy, Cosmo, Esquire, Joyce Brothers, Howard Stern, Ann Landers, etc. That's a pretty wide spectrum that's covered here.

Sorry.

F

Free2Bme

DM
Well as a wife I have found myself in situationsin chat rooms where men have been coming on. Momentarily I was tempted to flirt after all it is harmlessif you never meet isn't it?
Strangely enough though I felt disloyal to hubby and found myself escaping the situation pretty sharpish.
It did not feel right to me and I would hate it if hubby did it to me.It's flirtation however you try andjustify it and you are reacting to another man and feeling realfeelings of excitement etc.
I dunno what I would doif it cybersex was the issue.Is cyberadultery grounds for divorceyet. It would be in our house!!!
My sympathy is with you.Hope you sort it.

Free

JanH

DreamMaster,

Well, if you're the kind of man who reads your wife's email, message archive and generally violates her privacy, it doesn't really surprise me....

- Jan
--
Faith, n. Belief without evidence in what is told by one who speaks without knowledge, of things without parallel. [Ambrose Bierce, The Devil´s Dictionary, 1911]

ladonna

Hi Dream master,

I believe what your wife is doing "is" real.

However, who are you to point the finger???????? You get your hit from internet pornography.

Sorry, but if you were my husband and I caught you doing that.....you'd be out the door, pal.

So when you next look at your wife....look at your wife rather than the filthy pictures....maybe then she will feel "secure" enough to not need another man's attentions.

I am not siding with your wife. I am stating the obvious; neither of you respect the marriage.
Good counselling could probably save this marriage if you both love each other.

Your wife....believe it or not, is not a secure woman.
I wish the best for both of you and hope that you can be objective enough to take a good look at your own reflection as well as hers.

Kind Regards,
Ana

JanH

LOL, am I back in the Kingdom Hall?

Exchanging text messages on a computer network the same as physical sex? Whoah! Some of you must have horribly boring sex lives.

Ladonna: Looking at pictures of naked women reason to throw out your marriage? Can't be worth much, then. Any woman thinking a man -- any man -- goes through life thinking of sex with her only is seriously deluding herself.

Life is too short to fuck jealous women

- Jan
--
Faith, n. Belief without evidence in what is told by one who speaks without knowledge, of things without parallel. [Ambrose Bierce, The Devil´s Dictionary, 1911]

CyberSex

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