Feelings of an active JW (page 5)

shamus

X,
Thank you so much for being so honest. I can only imagine the place that you're in right now. You're smart, and you need to do what you need to do. Again, thanks for being so honest.

Anyone reading this please tell me more on what happens to JW's when the "honeymoon is over" so to speak and the real constrictive coersive face of the WTS comes out. I suspect this is the SOP of the WTS and my wife will only get sucked into this more and more as time passes. She is at a stage where they are courting her with good works and examples, she needs to know the truth of what comes later.

Family man,

It is a cult. They tell you to do things that you normally would not do. If you oppose her too much, they can tell her that she can get a divorce from you because of "spiritual danger".

I know what you mean when you go in there and something does not seem "quite right". The thing that is not quite right is they are destructive and they will tear your wife apart. Nothing will ever be good enough for her, and she will be worn down both spiritually and emotionally. She will give in every time to what they say.

I would suggest that you get your wife a book on cults and let her read that. Had I it would have stopped my destructive path into a cult, and years of utter hell, complete with suicidal thoughts every day, and utter despair.

seeitallclearlynow

Welcome, XBEHERE, and thanks for those insights from one still on the inside! Very helpful and encouraging to me. So it's not just wishful thinking on a lot of our parts that many still active are losing "steam."

I am sorry for your struggle, though, but somehow, I see you as sure to succeed in finding your way out!

Hang in there, er, hang in here!

CountryGuy

Welcome to the Board, Xbehere. This is a great place with a lot of great people!

CountryGuy

Dansk

family_man

for the past few months my wife has been attending a Kingdom Hall.

Your wife will undoubtedly be being love-bombed - but it's early days so get her and your child out of there FAST!

Let her read some of the heart-breaking stories here if needs be - but keep her away from that mind-controlling cult or you may lose your family forever. Purchase Ray Franz's book Crisis of Conscience. Visit Randy Watter's (Dogpatch's) site. DON'T let the elders or any other JWs into your house. Nip it in the bud NOW!!

Ian

Sentinel

(((XBEHERE))) I hear what you are saying in your post. Your words are a display of the "conflict" you endure, plain and simple. The most important thing here, is what do you want to do with your life? How important is being free to you? What would you do differently with your life if you weren't "playing the game"? Are you listening to your soul? Are your prayers not being answered because the answer comes in a way that you cannot accept. It comes as something you wish not to face?

If the price is too high to continue living this pretext, then you alone will know when you have reached that place. It is different for each of us. It took me about ten years of living against my own heart and conscience, and nearly another twenty years to eradicate all the dogma out of my body and mind. I have NEVER regretted my decision to get off that merry-go-round. Yes, it was a turning point in my life, but a necessary one. I don't blame the borg for my troubles, as I think I was "there" and stayed so long because I didn't realize my own self-worth. Certainly they influenced me, but I was ripe for it, having been brought up in a certain mindset of cognitive behavior. Heck, I didn't even know who I was anymore; I just knew that there was something else--something better for me.

There is just so much information here. I don't wish to repeat myself, so you can check my earliest posts to read about my experiences.

For your sake, don't fret too much over this. When you've had enough, you will know it, and you will do what you need to do, no matter what. There is a cost as you know. There is loss and pain and heartache. But, change is never easy. It's scarry to start down a new road, especially coming out of a cultish belief system, or anything that profoundly affects your life. There are so many avenues of help available now, that never were before, when I was alone in my efforts.

We are here to help in any way we can. You aren't alone.

/<

codeblue

Xbehere: Welcome to the board!

I really enjoyed reading about your "feelings". You see, when I saw that Dateline Special it hit me about like it did you.

I too was raised as a JW...published for 35 years...but after seeing the Dateline Special, that shook my faith as a JW. I had always been proud but after seeing it I said: "how can I go from door to door, when we are no different than any other religion".

We relocated about 6 months later and had a horrible experience from a so called "welcoming visit from 2 elders"...

I have not been at a meeting where I live for almost 8 months. Both me and my husband are "fading"...It is working well, since we are new here. No one has checked on me...they have my husband, but I am "invisible" to the elders., because I am a "woman". I have family that are Jw's in other states. My sons are JW's...so when I visit them I will go to some meetings...but I am careful as to subtley talking to them about things I have learned.

Everybody's situation and how they view the "new things learned" is different. You have to do what feels "right" for you. Nobody is here to tell you how to handle your situation. You have received some excellent suggestions from the posters.

I hope you find some comfort in this board. I know I have...and I have also met some of the posters, which is quite an uplifting experience. They are people just like you, that have had their "rose colored glasses" removed, tired of hypocrisy and lack of love.

Codeblue

bebu

(((((xbhere)))))

Thanks for coming in from the shadows. I'm sorry to hear of your situation, though it is unfortunately (or, actually fortunately!) becoming more common.

I hope that you would consider Amazing's tack. You are the head of the home; you could make decisions like he did about how you did a study at home. There are a lot of things to consider.

My question is: after 2 years, what have you come away with? You have certainly gotten an education here, so what will you do with it?

bebu

BTW family man:

WELCOME to you, and I think it might be well for you to play the "headship" card if you can. If she insists on going to meetings, and wishes to be baptised, I wonder if you can refuse to allow it until she has read over certain articles and books mentioned earlier, and discussed the "other side" with you. If she knows how to get around online, I'm sure there is stuff available in Spanish, too...

My best wishes are with you !!

bebu

Feelings of an active JW

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