I need a strategy---Any Ideas?

by codeblue 27 Replies latest jw friends

  • codeblue

    In about a month, I will be at a family reunion. None of my family knows I am fading. I was on the phone the other day and a family member asked me where my D.Convention is and I (totally offguard) said "I don't know"...They replied: "Shame on you"...Yikes....Yes, I am the youngest of the family, so hearing that made me want to just crawl in a "hole"...

    Well, I need a strategy for how to answer any questions on the religious nature that they may bring up....I do not plan on disussing my fading process, I am not there to discuss it, but to have a "nice family reunion" (only 1 is not a JW---so she will never bring up anything in relation to religion). They are die-hard Jw's and I can expect that if they find I am not doing according to the JW schedule, they will shun me.

    Any suggestions as to turning the quesiton around with a question or statement that is non-offense and won't get them asking any more questions?

    I would appreciate any suggestions.


  • shotgun


    Wear an eyepatch....conversation piece ya know

    Wear a mouthguard and clinch your teeth saying you had your Jaw broken in field ministry and its wired shut.

    Catch the flu..not the bird flu

  • Country Girl
    Country Girl

    Just a general "I've been feeling very depressed and haven't been up to the ministry or going to the meetings for awhile" ought to help. They make try to "encourage" you, but that's better than shunning... hehhe. Wait.. maybe it's not. Good luck!


  • jgnat

    "Wasn't that talk wonderful?"

    (Take short notes on any slights, offences or bigoted remarks during the talk.) Well, some of it was OK, but it disturbed me when Brother So and So said "xxxx".


    Noncommittal shrug.


    What a lovely new tie/dress/bookbag you have. Wherever did you get it?

    (stiff smile) "Well, um, I am SURE Brother So and So didn't really mean..."

    You might be right. Let's go ask him what he really meant, shall we?


    Isn't it lovely that we receive this spiritual food in season, and we can season it with whatever opinion we want?


    Noncomittal shrug.


    Hasn't the weather been dreadful? How do you manage to keep the muck off your shoes out in service?

    "We Miss You at the meetings."

    You are so right. We should get together more often. Why don't you call me at home and we can set up some time to go for coffee?


    I must have missed it when you called me. Oh, you didn't miss me that much, huh?


    Sorry, I have forgotten your name. Who are you again? Have we ever talked before?


    Noncomittal shrug.


    Your little munchkin is growing like a weed. It must take all your effort to keep it still during the talk. However do you do it?

    We are worried about you. Are you having pressures at home/work/world?

    Yes, I have been very busy lately. My new job is very rewarding, though, and I have had many opportunities to be an informal witness to my co-workers. I have never been happier.


    You are looking a little pale yourself. Have you seen your doctor lately?


    Was that a new car I saw out in the parking lot? How much did that set you back?

    "I hope you don't think this is too personal, but..."

    You are right. That is too personal. (hard stare)


    Respond in sign language. Shake your head sadly, then point to your ear, then your mouth, then, Noncomittal shrug.

    I find a quick jab to fend them off, then a quick change of subject to normal topics such as clothes, children, new haircut, weather, sports - works best. Besides, they switch back in to normal people when they are talking about normal stuff. I would much rather talk to a normal person than a zombie.

  • Carmel

    Tell them you've been ordered by the judge to attend de-tox meetings and have a few more to do to complete the program. Unfortunately they are on Wednesday and Friday nights and you are under house arrest on Sunday afternoons. Besides that, hows your day going brother Jones?


  • willyloman

    code: You are experiencing what every "fader" goes thru. You have two choices: ou can step up the fade and just get the hell out, or you can go with the program. If you choose the latter, you'll have to stay current on stuff.

    For instance, find out which WT has the schedule of Dist. Convention sites (it's one of the first issues in each new calendar year, I forget which and am not at home so can't check). Browse thru current magazines and memorize the covers; then when you're asked if you read an article in the new magazine, you can say, "That the one with the drug addict on the cover? I haven't finished reading all of it yet. What's it about?"

    This little bit of "homework" should cover the toughest questions you'll be asked.

  • blondie

    Codeblue, if you need any more info on the DCs I have the 3/1 WT which lists them. You can PM me until tonight and I will try to give answers to anyone else who needs to know.

    Just remember, CB, you don't have to answer any questions you don't want to. This is not a trial, you are not the defendant; nor is it the Inquisition. Be firm but tactful.


  • mustang

    " We are worried about you. Are you having pressures at home/work/world?"

    Start in on the aches and pains; if that doesn't get them off your back, complain about how slow work is. If they can hang in there this long, reward their efforts:


    The "non-committal shrug" is always stylish!!!

    Use "that's interesting" along with it. Also, "I'll think about that" is good. These are verbal equivalents of the non-committal shrug.

    While I didn't intend to do this, I have found that mentioning some DF'ing always dampened a conversation when I was active.

    Considering the real character of JW's & KH's, "running people down" is not really that far out of order. "He's rather boring don't you think? His talks always put everybody to sleep."

    Be judgmental and they will think you are one of the crowd, but get out of your way pretty quickly.


  • bebu

    Here's an odd idea.

    Read one of their old-but-not-so-old publications, one that they may be only vaguely familiar with, and not able to talk much about. I think there is a lot to choose from. You might already know which ones would be best...

    Let them know you have been enjoying reading and benefitting from some of these. Take the intiative in a positive way. Not to expose yourself as questioning, but to show yourself as not being disinterested in JW affairs. This might keep them from suspecting too much.

    "Hey, I've been reading from xxxxxx! What a wonderful book that is. I highly recommend it. It talks about a and b and c. It's made me think about e and f and g. I can't tell you how much I appreciate Jehovah's help even thru reading such an older publication like this one! Have you read it? ...No?... Oh, you really must read this!... "

    Anytime someone brings up something, you can refer back to this older book: "That reminds me of what xxxx says! It said....!" . And maybe drive them a little crazy--they might leave you alone! They'll think you're going thru a phase, maybe.

    Or, if you choose a book that is still considered good reading and also has fairly 'damaging' info in it, perhaps your zeal could lead to the person reading such a book for him/herself, and discovering those troubling passages...

    Hope you won't fall asleep reading, though.


  • codeblue

    I have enjoyed reading your ideas and thanks to all of you.

    I would just like to mention that I live states away from these family members and haven't seen the JW members in 5 years. The only thing they know about me is since I have relocated, that I have said that the congregations are very "cold"...unloving....I have already gone into how child abuse is rampant in the WTBS and they would not respond to that comment (like their head is stuck in the sand?)

    Do any of you get the magazines regular? and if so, how do you get them? My problem here is that in order to keep up, I have no one to bring them by or they will ask me "why aren't you at the meetings"...quite frankly I can't deal with that.


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